To ask her to pay the difference?

[askawayy]

My mother wants to come on holiday with us next year. Adding an extra room onto our holiday accommodation pushes the cost up by £150 as it moves the price band up a tier, which we can't afford to pay. This is our first family holiday in years as we have not been able to afford it, we will also have to take 2 cars as with my dm coming we can't all fit in one which increases our fuel costs (7 hour drive). Aibu to ask her to pay the difference in our costs? My sisters are horrified that we have asked her for money and apparently she is 'funding our holiday'

I was going to say from your OP YANBU but with your update YADNBU !

If your siblings can afford to pay for a cruise then their financial situation is totally different from yours. Anyway good result - you get your family holiday for just yourselves.

Wow, talk about cutting off her nose to spite her face.

On the plus side - at least it's sorted and you're not out of pocket.

I do think it was a bit cheeky of her to assume a). she'd be coming and b). you'd cover all her costs. Trying to imagine mine or DH's parents doing that

They'd be forcing their contribution on us.

Sounds like a lucky escape OP!

What a deeply unpleasant attitude to take

I wasn't originally going to mention this, but I noticed you said "she has also been suffering anxiety and depression recently so we feel obliged to take her as not to set her off again" (Italics mine)

If she's genuinely suffering I'm naturally very sorry, but would it be worth considering how much of this is real and how much manipulation? Ignore me completely if I'm off the mark there, but it wouldn't be the first case I'd heard of where this has been done ...

Do you have a lot of problems with her? She doesnt sound like the nicest of people.

You and your DP should be relieved. Dont let her muscle in again

She sounds awful, what sort of mother rubs her daughter's face in it,cwhen she knows your financial situation. Not a nice person.

I’d mind the £150 less than having to take the 2 cars. I’d say no for that alone unless she could take public transport.

I'm also remembering the siblings' belief that DM is helping you financially

Is his entirely a mistake, I wonder, or has there been manipulative whining about "all that I do for her ..."?

Make sure you tell your sibling that your DM said she can't afford to go on the cruise and on holiday with you. See what they say to that. I'm wondering whether they have told her she has to pay for herself for any activities or something.

Well, you seem to have sorted it out, so good.

My sisters are horrified that we have asked her for money and apparently she is 'funding our holiday' Your sisters could do with a refresher in basic adding and taking away.

If you had already decided on accommodation and DM then expected to be included surely she will understand there to be additional costs. Have you explained all this and how you have budgeted on the first decision. £150 + fuel costs doesn't seem bad for a holiday. YANBU considering your circumstances which surely your DM knows about.

If it is your family's first holiday together in a number of years then I think your mother should not come. I think you should take the opportunity to enjoy time with your own children in a refreshing change of scenery.

It would change the dynamic if she came with you. I also don't think you should carry the additional cost to facilitate someone else, particularly when you can't afford it.

Pleased it’s settled OP if it makes you feel better we’ve just been on holiday with my DM and we split the cost. Holiday party was DM, DH, DD (8) and me so she paid a quarter of cost. We have a kitty for daily costs like coffees, IceCreams etc. which the adults all put an equal amount into. Her choice, she’s not wealthy but she would be horrified not to pay her way.

Of course she should pay the additional costs.

Your DM sounds truly dreadful, inviting herself to your family holiday that you have saved for and then being passive aggressive when asked to contribute. Sounds like she is used to all of you taking her along and just expects it. I would be relieved now that she 'cant afford it'. Let your siblings take her on their holidays.

Whatever extra she should pay or she can find her own accommodation and transport.

why are your sisters involved I wonder - does not sound as if they are being helpful does it ?

Sounds like you’ll have a lovely, fat less stressful holiday now. Without any guilt, as you offeredz

I'd book your hol for yourselves quickly and never mention it again to anyone! Phew, lucky escape for you all, enjoy your well deserved family holiday 😆

Sounds like a lucky escape! Enjoy your holiday and don't think about it again. X

Unbelievable. I personally think she’s got a cheek to ask. I wouldn’t dream of asking my kids.Yes she’s your mum but it’s your family holiday. Your kids won’t always want to go with you so make the most of it now. As for needing another car , I’d be well upset with that. She needs to pay the difference,simple as. Ps tell your sister to mind their own!!

Glad you got it sorted OP

I rather love it when passive aggressive backfires when you take them at their word

My Dm used to pull this "oh I couldn't possibly travel all that way on my own unless someone picked me up" was her favourite

She stopped doing it after I starting saying " fair enough totally understand wouldn't want you to feel uncomfortable toodles "

My Dm is about as vulnerable as bear in a suit of armour

I hope you've booked it now! As a pp said, it's not normal to take your parent on every holiday. Enjoy it, op!

Good outcome there OP. Nothing like a bit of passive aggressive nonsense from in-laws, is there?! Hope you get to enjoy your holiday now without all this nonsense x

why don't you ask your sisters to help out with her costs if they're better off? Explain your financial situation!