Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

To ask her to pay the difference?

142 replies

askawayy · 02/09/2018 09:38

My mother wants to come on holiday with us next year. Adding an extra room onto our holiday accommodation pushes the cost up by £150 as it moves the price band up a tier, which we can't afford to pay. This is our first family holiday in years as we have not been able to afford it, we will also have to take 2 cars as with my dm coming we can't all fit in one which increases our fuel costs (7 hour drive). Aibu to ask her to pay the difference in our costs? My sisters are horrified that we have asked her for money and apparently she is 'funding our holiday'

OP posts:

Whipsmart · 02/09/2018 12:14

Because we have little money my siblings always assume that she is helping us out with money and she is definitely not.

This is so weird. Next time someone says she''s "funding your holiday" why not just say clearly "No she's not, she never gives us money actually." Why let such a big misconception go on?

OctaviaOctober · 02/09/2018 12:15

Just tell your siblings what you told us. Paying more for accommodation and taking two cars. OR tell your mother that this time won't work for you, but you'll take her next time.

SalemBlackCat · 02/09/2018 12:27

I think you should ask her to pay. I think you really need to sit her down and explain to her that you simply are not in the financial situation, in a soft and respectful way but so she understands. It's also a bit sad that none of you can take a holiday alone as a nuclear family unit without your mum inviting herself along. Unfortunately it seems precedent has been set now by your sisters who it seems also don't understand that you have a different financial situation than they.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 02/09/2018 12:40

Of course YANBU, but it all sounds as if there's too much manipulation from the siblings and worrying what the rest of the family will think

Certainly I'd correct their idea that DM's funding you, but apart from that I'd keep this very simple, telling DM the truth about what you can afford and simply asking her to chip in for the extra

Holidayshopping · 02/09/2018 12:47

I wouldn’t take her if it meant taking two cars-unless she is planning to drive herself. Being in a different car to my DH for the whole holiday-especially when you haven’t holidayed for ages, wouldn’t be fun. It’ll be very expensive in fuel as well.

I would just say no. Did she have to pay through the nose take her own mother on holiday every year? Did she have to take two cars to do so?! I actually think she is being really rude and cheeky.

Nikephorus · 02/09/2018 12:53

How many holidays does DM need a year?! She's getting a holiday in November with you, a cruise with DSis next year, no doubt other sister will also be taking her somewhere....

RoboticSealpup · 02/09/2018 12:57

Well, you need to tell your siblings that she's not paying for your holiday. Don't let them think that!

Fishface77 · 02/09/2018 13:30

Not to be harsh op but it’s sounds like your DP has a DP problem .
I wouldn’t take her.
It’s different if you go every year and twice a year, this is different.
Perhaps explain about the costs and also that she will be walking quite a lot as your not going to be sitting around? May put her of?

sprinklesandsauce · 02/09/2018 14:00

Also, while you are at it, discuss what she will be paying for while away, if there will be extra costs whilst there of food etc.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 02/09/2018 14:12

Come to think of it, what does your DP think of her coming? Not just the issue of paying, but the fact she'd be there at all?

I understand taking her if you had loads of holidays, but I'm not sure I'd want all this angst over a single, much wanted, long-saved for one ... and as the PP said, it's not as if she goes without trips away

Kisskiss · 02/09/2018 14:24

I’m sure if you mentioned to your Mum that you would love her to come with you but money is a little tight for you right now and would she mind forking out for the extra costs it wouldn’t be an issue?

Holidayshopping · 02/09/2018 14:34

I think she’s really cheeky expecting to come on your first family holiday in years!

RandomMess · 02/09/2018 14:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HeebieJeebies456 · 02/09/2018 15:06

She has just assumed that she will be coming
why are you allowing your mum to railroad you like this?

This is our first family holiday in years as we have not been able to afford it
So make this crystal clear to her.....and then remind her We are going for a weekend away in November as well that we invited her on and we haven't asked her to pay anything

She would be upset if we went without her.
Emotional blackmail is not acceptable.
Neither is ignoring your feelings, views and circumstances.

standbyyourmammaryglands · 02/09/2018 15:13

askaway if your taking her away in November say no to the holiday next year. If your sister is taking her in a cruise why does she need to go on two holidays?

I may be a bit biased as we took my elderly grandmother away recently and we really didn’t enjoy it as we had to cater the whole trip around her her and we was shattered when we got back. It was s nightmare tbh.

Just say your taking her in November, sister is taking her for a cruise next year and you really can’t afgitd to take her away again

Holidayshopping · 02/09/2018 16:48

Just say-we have 5 seats in the car and that is all we can fit in. We don’t want to take two cars as we won’t be all together then.

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/09/2018 17:58

tell your siblings that you are paying for your holiday for the 5 of you, not your mum

say to your mum that if she comes she needs to pay towards hire car so all can fit in it

and the extra acomodation

did you chat today?

TwoOddSocks · 02/09/2018 18:35

If your siblings are so well off and find it awful for you mum to have to pay for her holiday they can always offer to cough up themselves.

Original poster

askawayy · 02/09/2018 19:10

We spoke and I mentioned the financial situation and she said that she's going on a cruise so she's not really bothered anyway and she can't afford to go on both in a slightly passive aggressive tone, so we are going to go ahead and book the smaller accommodation.

OP posts:

Original poster

askawayy · 02/09/2018 19:12

Even though she's not paying for the cruise anyway . At least it's settled now and she can't come back and say we didn't offer for her to come.

OP posts:

Havaina · 02/09/2018 19:18

She sounds like she's rubbing the cruise in your face?

Don't take her on the wknd in Nov.

I suspect she plays up her anxiety to get you all to dance to her tune.

agedknees · 02/09/2018 19:21

Tbh she sounds a bit manipulative. Book your accommodation now and enjoy your family holiday.

Leeds2 · 02/09/2018 19:21

Maybe your siblings aren't, after all. paying in full for DM to go on holiday.

You did the right thing. And, probably, got the result you wanted.

Original poster

askawayy · 02/09/2018 19:22

And she said well her dd in another country will probably be inviting her over for a holiday as well so she will be so busy.

OP posts:

Holidayshopping · 02/09/2018 19:23

She sounds cheeky and manipulative.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread