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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask her to pay the difference?

142 replies

askawayy · 02/09/2018 09:38

My mother wants to come on holiday with us next year. Adding an extra room onto our holiday accommodation pushes the cost up by £150 as it moves the price band up a tier, which we can't afford to pay. This is our first family holiday in years as we have not been able to afford it, we will also have to take 2 cars as with my dm coming we can't all fit in one which increases our fuel costs (7 hour drive). Aibu to ask her to pay the difference in our costs? My sisters are horrified that we have asked her for money and apparently she is 'funding our holiday' Hmm

OP posts:
Agentornika · 02/09/2018 10:14

So does your mum go on all holidays with all her kids? My mum wouldn't dream of encroaching on all family holidays, has this happened since she was widowed?

Original poster
askawayy · 02/09/2018 10:15

She is much better off than us, it wouldn't hurt her financially. If she doesn't pay the difference then we either go without her in smaller accommodation or none of us go unfortunately. We have literally saved for this holiday and we just don't have the extra and I can see us being able to pay the extra between now and the holiday.

OP posts:
MudCity · 02/09/2018 10:16

If this was my first holiday in years with my DH / DC I have to say I would not be inviting my mother along. How does your DH feel about it?

Has she been incredibly generous to you in the past which means you feel you can’t ask for the money?

Kisbot · 02/09/2018 10:17

Of course she should pay! It's nothing to do with your siblings don't let them guilt trip you and/or ruin your holiday.
Your priority is having fun with your children and dh.
I would never invite myself to any event my grown DS's go to but if they invite me I always treat them and cover petrol food etc. I don't know any mum who not only invites themselves but then also expects to be paid for. Weird. YADNBU.

MorningsEleven · 02/09/2018 10:17

You need to tell her all of this. Or tell her to bugger off because there's a hint of emotional blackmail in this.

Allthewaves · 02/09/2018 10:17

I wouldn't be taking two cars. I'd be telling her that your sorry but there's no room in the car - surely she knows that

Dollymixture22 · 02/09/2018 10:17

Your sisters are being unreasonable and sorry but so is your mum.

She should have waited to be invited rather ham assume she was coming along. Bringing a frail grandparent on holiday is not easy and it clearly doesn’t fit well into your plans. You are entitled to a family holiday with just your children. That is totally understood in my family - we do things as a big group but also think it is good for my brother to just have holidays with his wife and children.

You are already taking her away for he weekend.

You have asked her to pay the difference which is only fair - hopefully she mentioned it in passing to your sisters rather than complained.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 02/09/2018 10:18

Definitely ask her, I'm surprised she hasn't offered to chip in anyway.

Why do your siblings say funding your holiday? What holiday costs £150 Hmm

MorningsEleven · 02/09/2018 10:18

I don't know any mum who not only invites themselves but then also expects to be paid for

Mine Grin. We're NC.

plominoagain · 02/09/2018 10:18

Well if your sisters are so horrified then they wont mind putting their hand in their pockets instead will they . If you can’t afford it , you can’t afford it .

Petalflowers · 02/09/2018 10:19

Yes, it’s not unreasonable to ask her to pay for accomadation and contribution to petrol (and food).

Kisbot · 02/09/2018 10:21

Just seen your update that she can afford to pay her way. There's your answer don't be a pushover. No you shouldn't suffer as a family to accommodate an adult who should know better.

BertieBott · 02/09/2018 10:21

I wouldn’t want her coming.

Singlenotsingle · 02/09/2018 10:21

Maybe the siblings should all chuck in some money to cover her costs?

Bluelady · 02/09/2018 10:23

Of course she pays. Why is this even an issue? If your sisters feel so strongly that she shouldn't pay perhaps they could pay her share.

aprilanne · 02/09/2018 10:25

just because you are elderly does not mean normal rules dont apply .if my adult children asked me to go on holiday i would automatically pay my way probably goes halves on whole thing if i had the money i would just be glad they still wanted my company .tell your sister to get lost if she can afford to treat your mother fine

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 02/09/2018 10:25

If you're already taking her in November as hard as it might be I think I would say that as it's the first holiday in ages for your family that it'll be just all and maybe next time she can come.

Do your sister take her away with them?

Juells · 02/09/2018 10:28

It wouldn't be about the money for me, so much (although that too), but about the fact that you can't even have a flipping holiday to yourself without your mother tagging along.

Racecardriver · 02/09/2018 10:30

Maybe go on a cheaper/shorter holiday if you haven't already booked?

aprilanne · 02/09/2018 10:32

does your mother not have friends say to go a coach tour they seem to be popular holidays for the elderly i always say this to my boys when i am older i intend going round britian and europe on coach tours and i will send them a postcard. they justlaugh

KC225 · 02/09/2018 10:35

As she is going with you in November and you have absorbed that cost, it makes a conversation easier. The price went up for November and we have paid it but that extra money now leaves us short to book the family holiday next year. If you want to go on BOTH trips, can you contribute xxxx amount for the extra room and another car for the holiday next year.

If she pays she goes, if she doesn't pay she stays at home. Either way she gets a paid for holiday with you in November.

RoboticSealpup · 02/09/2018 10:39

apparently she is 'funding our holiday'

Why do they think that? Why haven't you told them it's not true?

IwantedtobeEmmaPeel · 02/09/2018 10:43

My mother never expected her children to provide her with a free holiday, and I am the same. Just because your Mum is elderly doesn't mean she should expect free holidays especially when she can afford to pay for herself. So yes your mother should cover all her costs & if I were her I would be paying for some some meals/treats as well. The question though is do you want your Mum coming on your first family holiday for years? You are allowed to say no sorry Mum, not this time.

Petalflowers · 02/09/2018 10:43

Just a thought, do the siblings know you are only to ask her to pay? Ie. the difference, or do they think she is paying a third (or more) of the total cost? Maybe a bit of confusion on how much she is paying.

crimsonlake · 02/09/2018 10:43

I think you are being very kind and considerate to take your mum on holiday with you. However I would not be happy with the expectation she is always included as you need family time too. How does your DP feel if this always happens?

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