To ask her to pay the difference?

[askawayy]

My mother wants to come on holiday with us next year. Adding an extra room onto our holiday accommodation pushes the cost up by £150 as it moves the price band up a tier, which we can't afford to pay. This is our first family holiday in years as we have not been able to afford it, we will also have to take 2 cars as with my dm coming we can't all fit in one which increases our fuel costs (7 hour drive). Aibu to ask her to pay the difference in our costs? My sisters are horrified that we have asked her for money and apparently she is 'funding our holiday'

You know sometimes it helps to actually talk to people.....can you call your sisters and your mum and just explain the extra costs like you have here? She’s not “funding your holiday” at all, she’s literally just paying her own way as she wants to come and you can’t afford to pay for her. Sounds like it’s just crossed wires.

Cheeky Fuckery imo!!

Yes she should definitely pay.

We took my mum on holiday with us last year. She paid for her own flights and contributed to the accommodation. I don't think we asked for much to cover food and drink when out there but if we are out she would cover her share. We couldn't have afforded to do it otherwise and she saved up in order to afford it.

my dp gets along just fine with my parents, but he would not be happy if it was assumed my mother was coming along on every family holiday. You are not unreasonable to ask for the price difference, she is unreasonable to assume you pay everything tbh.... bit of a cf imo...

Of course not.

My mum is coming with us and she is paying the extra cost for bigger accomadation and the extra car/ferry costs.

Just talk to her - £150 isn't a huge amount so maybe she hasn't realise it would cause such a huge issue.

Or if you don't want to ask for money then let your mum know it's a Christmas or birthday present from your family to her?

No point being stressed over it - sounds like you just need to talk to her.

If she regularly holidays with you / other siblings then should be easy enough to discuss logistics including costs.

For starters I’d be irritated that she just expected to be going with you, you’re taking her away in November after all.

Your sisters are being ridiculous suggesting she’ll be funding the holiday.

Have you already asked her to contribute, I read in your OP that you have asked her, maybe I’ve read it wrongly?

So you have saved for ages to go on a holiday, a family holiday which you haven't had for years and now your mother invites herself. How does your dh feel about this?

It's his holiday too.

It isn't normal to take your mother on family holidays. You don't have to do it. And if you want to do it, you can most certainly ask her for the money you will need to enable you to do it. Crazy.

I think you have to be honest with your mother and tell her exactly what you've told us here- you've scrimped to just about be able to afford to take your family, and you don't have the money for the extra accommodation and car.

My siblings usually holiday more than once so take her on one trip and then holiday on their own as well but we can't do that as we can hardly even afford one holiday for ourselves! Because we have little money my siblings always assume that she is helping us out with money and she is definitely not. She is coming round for lunch later so I will have the conversation with her about costs. She doesn't really have any friends so she relies on us a lot, she has also been suffering anxiety and depression recently so we feel obliged to take her as not to set her off again.

We have discussed the trip as to where we are going but not the costs. We discussed it as if we were going as a family and then we twigged when she started talking about it being a bit hilly that she wanted to come so we have checked the extra costs and calculated it as £150.

I would pay for my mother to join if it was with the clear expectation/agreement of providing childcare. E.g. family holiday where she watched the baby while parents were skiing for a few hours a day. Where her coming is win-win but basically a favour to you.

Otherwise no - she would pay her own way. Or at least equivalent amounts - you buy the accomodation and transport, she buys the family meals out and activities.

Perfectly reasonable to ask her to pay that and quite cheeky of her to have expected to come without offering a contribution.

I discussed it with my siblings as one of them is planning on taking her on a cruise next year so wanted to make sure dates didn't clash etc.

Tell your siblings you have no idea where they got this idea from but your mum doesn’t subsidise you , and you can just about pay for your own holiday having saved, but you can’t afford to sub your mum. And that they can pull their head in being judgey as fuck just because they can’t imagine getting by on your income (no idea if the last is true or not but worth saying for guilting them back 😆)

Just seen your update. If she is going on a cruise next year with your sister and away with you in November, she may NOT want to go on this holiday and may well be working on a way to explain that to you hence the ...... 'It may be a bit hilly' comment.

Definitely clear up the misunderstanding with your sisiters that your Mother funds you life.

Your mum wouldn’t be funding your holiday - she’d be funding hers. I’d be quite blunt with my siblings in that situation.

Yanbu of course she should pay the difference in price

It looks like you're getting ahead of yourself. You're assuming she wants to go and that she wouldn't offer to pay for extra.

Plan your holiday as you always do and wait to see if she asks to go. Keep mentioning that it's for the five of you and that you have a tight budget. Something like, it's a good thing we are five so we can all fit in one car.

Having said that, if you haven't ever taken your mother on holiday with you, I suggest that you do at some point. Make a plan that can include her without extra costs or tell her plainly that you would like to take her at some point but can't affort to pay her share. But do make plans to spend some time with her and don't leave it all to your siblings alone.

Ask her to pay, she asked to go on holiday with you. If your sisters are that horrified, why don't they pay.

It certainly sounds as though you can't afford it, not that you don't want to pay. For some, £150 is a lot of money, when you are living on a shoestring.

YANBU, so you do need to discuss it with her later. "Mum, you know that holiday, we can't afford the extra costs ourselves, we are not asking for you to pay an equal share, but if you could pay the extra costs over and above ours, that would be great"

Don't see how that can be interpreted as "funding your holiday". if your sisters don't like it then tough.

Great that you are going to talk to her. But just make sure you give her the true total cost. So that it is done in one fell swoop. The accommodation, petrol, other car, EVERYTHING. Then it is done and dusted.

I still think you are mad to take her on your precious family holiday and if I was your husband I wouldn't be happy.

Or mum we cannot afford to take you, it is going to cost us more.

Ah, this sounds like a classic case of richer people thinking poorer people are being mean for not being able to spend as they do. You get this a lot- well off people whining and bitching that others want to pay for what they actually ordered rather than split bills, for example. Your siblings are well off and don't realise that you aren't in a position to pay for your mother's holidays in the way they are. Educate them. If they are still shitty afterwards, ignore them.