To be very annoyed at husband's drinking at our pre-baby gathering

[nervousFTM]

I'm 8 months pregnant and yesterday my husband and I had a gathering at a local bar/restaurant with about 30-40 friends and family - a last 'party' before baby comes next month. We usually have joint birthday drinks but didn't do so this year, so I suppose this was kind of in lieu of that. Except it's a pre-baby thing and not a birthday piss-up, and lots of friends brought their young kids.

Anyway, we were apart much of the day as had a mix of friends as we usually do at our joint do's. Little did I know how much booze he was knocking back (shots and the like) until a bit later- when he starts to slur a bit and has his drunk voice on and then totally denies he's drunk 🙄 I suffer from pelvic girdle pain so was dying by the end of the day. Some of my family were staying over and we had to sort things out at home for that, but he wanted to stay out drinking.

He's not an alcoholic or anything but I don't think he's been this drunk since I fell pregnant - AIBU to be this annoyed that he chose to get so wasted at our joint pre-baby party (when clearly I cannot be drinking)? I did notice him buying a few rounds so it's not like he 'had' to drink everything people were buying him.

He finally came back home after me nagging on text for about an hour but then proceeded to argue with me over the takeaway delivery (some was missing) - he was making no sense at all! I also made him sleep on the sofa as the smell of booze makes me 🤢 still feeling a bit annoyed this morning tbh.

I think you're being unreasonable. You met up with friends in a bar for what sounds like most of the day.

I don't have too much of an issue with this to be honest. So he had one nice day with a few drinks before his baby comes. I totally understand you cannot, but one nice day seems fine to me here.

Assuming he wasn't drinking on his own and others were drinking with him then whilst I understand your annoyance I think it's misplaced, no issue for me with this either.

So you had an all-day party at a pub, and you’re surprised he drank a lot?

Nagging for an hour? Why? What did he actually do?

YABU.

It was a party, of sorts, so he got in the party spirit.

Never heard of a pre baby party. Is that a thing now?

This was a gathering in a bar, of course he’s going to drink. F this amount of drinking is a one time thing (not habitual), no problem. That you cannot have a drink because you’re pregnant isn’t relevant. I’m very sorry but IMHO YABU.

But you arranged an all day party in a bar...of course he would have a drink with his friends. YABU

I am guessing this is your first baby.

And your OH gets drunk at a drinks party to day goodbye to his fatherless days.

No big deal.

You've called it a party and said that it was at a bar. What did you expect? I highly doubt he was the only one drinking.

So you have a large gathering in a pub with family and friends and you are angry that your DH got drunk because you can’t. How bizarre. Why wouldn’t he want to enjoy the party? If my OH badgered me for an hour if I stayed out whinging via texts I would have ignored him. YABU

I’m going to say you are being a bit unreasonable - if you have an event at a bar you can’t complain if alcohol is consumed. Unless you’d agreed in advance that getting drunk was a big no. If you were nearer your due date I would agree with you, but if as you say it’s not a regular occurrence you can’t really base your annoyance of him drinking on the basis that you can’t.

You are not unreasonable to expect him to sort out things at home for his family staying though. In hindsight he should have done that before you went out.

Completely irrational behaviour op.
Poor chap.

On the face of it, YABU - maybe it would help us understand if you could spell out a bit to us why you are so annoyed?

Did you expect him to help more with the "things you had to sort out" for your family? They are your family op - couldn't they help you with whatever needed to be done?

I understand that you were in pain and wanted to go home, but it sounds like that's just what you did, while he chose to stay out a bit longer. Why is that a problem, and why did you "nag him for an hour"?

You are eight months pregnant, tired grumpy and everyone else around you was merrily getting drunk and you couldn't - I can see why you would be generally annoyed. But I don't think it's fair to blame your husband for that - unless there is HUGE backstory, it doesn't sound like he's done much wrong.

YANBU

I have already laid out to DP that I’m uncomfortable with his drinking heavily late pregnancy and he 100% agrees. He’s a doctor whose spent time working in obstetrics and agrees that 8 months plus anything can happen. My best friend delivered just after the 8 month mark.

If your DP had a couple of drinks I could understand (as long as you have a way to get to the hospital if needed) however I would NOT accept him drinking to a point he wouldn’t be able to help me and function normally if needed.

Ahhh the joys of being a man and being able to prepare and drink a last drink before coming a father. Meanwhile pregnant mother has to sit and watch. I totally get your annoyance and jealousy. It's normal.
I used to get annoyed when the father of my child was able to still go out and let loose with friend's. But! I never made my annoyance known. Because technically it's not their fault.

So yabu, let this slide. It's not worth your annoyance, it's a one time thing and he will be feeling it big time today!
So you sorted family last night, it's his turn to sort breakfast 😁

Ummm you were at a pub? What did you expect to happen?
Did you tell him you expected him not to drink? If so why would you have an event like this at a pub? Or was help just supposec to know that you didn't want him to drink because you couldn't?
YABU

He drank at an all day party, at a pub, with all his friends around, just before he’s due to be a father and may not have chance to go out much for a while? I couldn’t get too worked up about it to be honest. If he was sober you’d still have pelvic girdle pain.

Yabu.
He's a grown man, with no responsibilities yet. He can do what he likes.

I agree with everyone else. I really couldn’t get worked up about dh having a last blow out before baby arrives.
I can’t remember if dh did this when I was pregnant with ds, but he is going away in a a couple of months with “the lads” when I’ll be 7 months pg with dc2, and I don’t resent him for it. I suppose at least I won’t have to see it though!

A pre baby gathering - Is that a thing? Sounds like Highland games!

You agreed to spend a day in a bar and are whining that he drank? You should perhaps have arranged afternoon tea instead.

Agree with everyone else - YABU

All day party at a pub and annoyed someone gets drunk? If anything a case of bad planning if you didn’t want him drinking!

I think unless you both had a chat about what the party was going to be beforehand, having one last party at a bar sounds like an open invitation to tie one on!

YABU

I suspect a LOT of people were buying him congratulatory drinks.