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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be very annoyed at husband's drinking at our pre-baby gathering

137 replies

nervousFTM · 02/09/2018 07:42

I'm 8 months pregnant and yesterday my husband and I had a gathering at a local bar/restaurant with about 30-40 friends and family - a last 'party' before baby comes next month. We usually have joint birthday drinks but didn't do so this year, so I suppose this was kind of in lieu of that. Except it's a pre-baby thing and not a birthday piss-up, and lots of friends brought their young kids.

Anyway, we were apart much of the day as had a mix of friends as we usually do at our joint do's. Little did I know how much booze he was knocking back (shots and the like) until a bit later- when he starts to slur a bit and has his drunk voice on and then totally denies he's drunk 🙄 I suffer from pelvic girdle pain so was dying by the end of the day. Some of my family were staying over and we had to sort things out at home for that, but he wanted to stay out drinking.

He's not an alcoholic or anything but I don't think he's been this drunk since I fell pregnant - AIBU to be this annoyed that he chose to get so wasted at our joint pre-baby party (when clearly I cannot be drinking)? I did notice him buying a few rounds so it's not like he 'had' to drink everything people were buying him.

He finally came back home after me nagging on text for about an hour but then proceeded to argue with me over the takeaway delivery (some was missing) - he was making no sense at all! I also made him sleep on the sofa as the smell of booze makes me 🤢 still feeling a bit annoyed this morning tbh.

OP posts:
SoyDora · 02/09/2018 08:42

maxthemartian but the OP arranged a party in a pub and then got annoyed when he drank. I’m sure he didn’t intend to get ‘fuck faced drunk’ but he was in a pub, all day, at a party in which people would have been buying him celebratory drinks. If the OP wanted a sober party they should have gone for something like an afternoon tea/picnic in the park.

Bluntness100 · 02/09/2018 08:42

thanks for just about the only sane comment on the thread

Huh?

If people want to get drunk they can. Of course it's a human right, we don't live in some nanny state where it's illegal.

Go live in the Middle East if that's what you're looking for. The rest of us will exercise choice.

TheGirlWhoLived · 02/09/2018 08:42

YABU, and give normal pregnant people a bad name. Nobody deserves to be nagged for an hour on text because you decide it's time for him to come home!? Controlling much!?

Also he shouldn't be drinking because you cannot drink... that is batshit - getting fuck faced IS a human right, as is getting pregnant, as is not drinking, as is drinking. Get over yourself snowflake

LyndorCake · 02/09/2018 08:43

Are you annoyed because he drank when you couldn't? If so, that is not fair unless this was something you both agreed to in advance.
Is this usually the time you would meet for your bday? If so, could his friends have been buying him drinks for his bday?

Don't go to a pub for a party if you don't want people drinking.

Redteapot67 · 02/09/2018 08:46

Yabu

And what’s more - wait until you have the baby for ‘unfair’ you need to accept that your body is having this baby, not his. Your life will change way more than his.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 02/09/2018 08:50

Being (probably) the only completely sober person in a room and also having horrific pain (I remember it well still have twinges years later) must feel very isolating and lonely. I'm sorry he wasn't more supportive and sorry that you are getting such a hard time on this thread.

ItWentInMyEye · 02/09/2018 08:50

YABU, a party in a pub was a bad idea if you wanted him to remain sober as a punishment because you can't drink.

SoyDora · 02/09/2018 08:52

Being (probably) the only completely sober person in a room

Having been to 3 weddings in the past 3 weeks while sober, yes it’s annoying being the only sober one. But the party was arranged in a pub.

Stuckforthefourthtime · 02/09/2018 08:53

I think that drinking is reasonable, and nagging for an hour is pretty unhelpful... but having had babies arrive at 8 months, we've always had the rule of DH being in a state where he wouldnt be an embarrassment in the labour ward from 36 weeks - plus with small kids around I don't think it's appropriate for adults to be drunk enough to slur their words.
Personally so long as he's nice to you today I'd let it go, but also don't think you deserve the flaming - there are a lot of big drinkers (and people with big drinker dps) on mumsnet and they always show up to say that you should be okay with things like this, I disagree. Good luck with your last weeks!

Mulberry72 · 02/09/2018 08:54

YABVU............but you already know that, don’t you?

BlueBug45 · 02/09/2018 08:55

YABU - it is the last party he can get very drunk at for ages.

Last week I had a choice of meeting up with other couples with my DP, or letting him go out with one of his good friends' and getting drunk. I'm due next week. Anyway I told my DP go out with his friend because he won't be able to do so again until this time next year at the earliest.

Oldbutstillgotit · 02/09/2018 08:56

Yet another thing i have never heard of ! What happens at a pre baby gathering? Do people take presents ?

SoyDora · 02/09/2018 08:57

Neither I nor DH are big drinkers at all (we go months without drinking anything) but I still couldn’t get worked up about this as a one off, at an all day party in a pub.

ilovesooty · 02/09/2018 08:57

I can't believe you nagged him by text for an hour. I'm surprised he came home at all.

maxthemartian · 02/09/2018 08:57

Go live in the Middle East if that's what you're looking for. The rest of us will exercise choice

I used to Grin I can assure you it's very much not illegal there.

Shoxfordian · 02/09/2018 08:59

It was an all day party in a pub so he had a few drinks.
Yabu

twiglet · 02/09/2018 09:01

Completely understand him sleeping on the sofa by DH has to sleep in the spare room if he drinks as I can't stand the smell.

I also get being frustrated with him for being drunk as dealing with a drunk person when sober and in pain is not fun. But I think he saw it as a last blow out so unless you had discussed it before the party, as it was in a pub then your just going to have to let it go.

Obviously when I say let it go I still mean crash around, hoover, washing machine and baking fish to "aid his hangover"...... Wink

TatianaLarina · 02/09/2018 09:01

I find people who get completely smashed unattractive and immature.

I’d be pissed off that he left you to sort out your family @ 8 months pregnant and also that he ignored them to stay out drinking, it’s really rude.

BuntyII · 02/09/2018 09:01

YABU. Don't make him apologise this morning for getting a bit pissed, it happens.

Chickoletta · 02/09/2018 09:04

I wouldn't have liked DH being very pissed when I was heavily pregnant but I also didn't organise an all day party in a pub.

WizardOfToss · 02/09/2018 09:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LynetteScavo · 02/09/2018 09:12

I've never heard of a pre-baby party. It sounds like the hen/stag do version of a baby, rather than a wedding.
I imagine other guests probably think he won't be out partying again any time soon, hence the drinking.

MadeForThis · 02/09/2018 09:12

Was this really a baby shower? And totally focused on the arrival of the new baby? If so you should have agreed before hand not to get totally wasted.

If it was a last chance to get together before the baby arrives then having a few drinks is fine.

If he really annoys you when drunk and you were going to make him sleep on the couch why did you torture him for an hour to come home? He obviously wasn't going to be much use to you. Sounds more like a punishment. And quite controlling.

Who was he drinking with? Sounds like he got a bit carried away but wasn't hurting anyone. Your comment that he drank when you obviously couldn't is the most telling. You resent they he could and did. But did you discuss this expectation? Totally fine at a certain point to expect him to lay off the booze as the baby comes close to arriving. Probably about now. So maybe in his head this really was his last blow out. I'm sure he'll feel like that today.

It's hard being pregnant and not drinking. But if it was going to be an issue then you're foolish for holding the party in a pub.

I can kind of understand, I've been pregnant or breastfeeding for the last 4 years. I miss a good drink (in my head) but would hate the idea of a hangover. At least the baby isn't here yet and you have to deal with the baby alone all day.

MsDugong · 02/09/2018 09:28

YANBU. Just because he was in a pub all day, it doesn't mean he had to get shit faced. He should have enough self-control and common sense to not be downing shots as though it were some big night out with the lads, and instead have drunk steadily and balanced alcohol with soft drinks. Drinking alcohol in a pub isn't compulsory. Getting pissed in a pub isn't compulsory.

Getting absolutely hammered when your partner is 8 months pregnant and you are hosting people in your house for the night is immature and irresponsible. I'd have been livid. He's going to be a father soon, he needs to grow up.

If he'd had a few drinks and was maybe a little bit tipsy, I'd think differently. But downing shots and getting shit faced? Not okay. And no one should have to feel it is.

TwoOddSocks · 02/09/2018 09:35

YANBU

I don't think being a pub means it's the kind of do when you get blind drunk! I've been to a child's 7th birthday party in a pub (it had a garden with play area etc.) and certainly wouldn't have felt it appropriate to get drunk there! It isn't 1975! Pub's are places to eat and socialise as much as drink nowadays!

If this was my DH I wouldn't like it at all as he's left his 8 month pregnant wife to sort out all the friends staying and acted badly about the take away which I would find embarrassing and stressful. I do think the UK has an odd culture where getting drunk and belligerent is seen as normal just because you can. If you drinking means you can't pull your weight and act reasonably then you shouldn't be drinking.

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