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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be very annoyed at husband's drinking at our pre-baby gathering

137 replies

nervousFTM · 02/09/2018 07:42

I'm 8 months pregnant and yesterday my husband and I had a gathering at a local bar/restaurant with about 30-40 friends and family - a last 'party' before baby comes next month. We usually have joint birthday drinks but didn't do so this year, so I suppose this was kind of in lieu of that. Except it's a pre-baby thing and not a birthday piss-up, and lots of friends brought their young kids.

Anyway, we were apart much of the day as had a mix of friends as we usually do at our joint do's. Little did I know how much booze he was knocking back (shots and the like) until a bit later- when he starts to slur a bit and has his drunk voice on and then totally denies he's drunk 🙄 I suffer from pelvic girdle pain so was dying by the end of the day. Some of my family were staying over and we had to sort things out at home for that, but he wanted to stay out drinking.

He's not an alcoholic or anything but I don't think he's been this drunk since I fell pregnant - AIBU to be this annoyed that he chose to get so wasted at our joint pre-baby party (when clearly I cannot be drinking)? I did notice him buying a few rounds so it's not like he 'had' to drink everything people were buying him.

He finally came back home after me nagging on text for about an hour but then proceeded to argue with me over the takeaway delivery (some was missing) - he was making no sense at all! I also made him sleep on the sofa as the smell of booze makes me 🤢 still feeling a bit annoyed this morning tbh.

OP posts:
Original poster
nervousFTM · 02/09/2018 09:44

Thanks for all the replies and on reflection I think I am being a bit unreasonable - but no this is not his "last blowoutl - he's off to a wedding in 2 weeks (I can't get there as it's a flight away). That I don't care about as I don't have to see it or deal with it (yes I AM more tetchy these days, being this pregnant is no fun especially with PGP).

Two weekends ago we had a family bbq, he drank a lot, and I had to drive myself to hospital at 9pm and sit in triage for 3 hours waiting to be seen for reduced movement. He came with me but said himself "this is why I need to stop drinking". My best friends babies arrived 4 and 6 weeks earlier respectively - so anything could happen. As it happens last weekend he was throwing up for two days (he thinks dodgy food) so not had a chilled weekend together for a while!

I wouldn't have cared as much if we didn't have family staying over as if have just gone home and slept, but there was food, beds, etc to sort out and our plan was always to leave at 6ish to do so.

Yes it was in a pub but mainly because in my stage of pregnancy I really didn't want to host it at home. There were lots of little kids there so it wasn't meant to be a "get shitfaced" day. I agree with some PPs and do wonder what the replies would be if this was an American forum as it does seem to be the UK way that you're meant to get blind drunk for anything resembling an occasion!

That all said, I won't give him too hard a time today so thanks for replies everyone 💖

OP posts:
Original poster
nervousFTM · 02/09/2018 09:46

Also I wasn't really nagging constantly for an hour it was 3 text messages 😁

OP posts:
TheHulksPurplePanties · 02/09/2018 09:46

Go live in the Middle East if that's what you're looking for.

No don't! We like to get fuck faced drunk at the pubs here too. We don't need party poopers to ruin it thanks.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 02/09/2018 09:48

I don't understand why if you know he has a tendency to drink that you agreed to a get together in a pub. Confused he was hardly going to be drinking lemonade all day!

However it does sound like he needs to address the amount he drinks. Hopefully with a new baby coming he will take it upon himself to cut down from now on.

TwoOddSocks · 02/09/2018 09:50

I find a lot of these posts really weird and probably defensive from people who drink too much. It's NU to expect your partner to be coherent enough to help you when friends are staying over and not to act like a dick over a take away. If you can't behave decently when drunk you shouldn't drink. Being in a pub is not an excuse to get too drunk have some self control.

Strawbe · 02/09/2018 09:51

I don't really understand the comments you're getting - you're 8 months pregnant! Have a drink or two yes, but he should have stayed compos mentis. It's not unheard of for babies to arrive early? A friend of mines baby recently arrived at 31 weeks, totally unexpected, everything had been ticking until that point.

Strawbe · 02/09/2018 09:51

*ticking along nicely

SalemBlackCat · 02/09/2018 09:53

Really, you had a pre-baby do, in a bar. What do you think was going to happen? Whose bright idea was that, to have a pre-baby thing, when you are 8 months pregnant, at a bar?? Why not have a bbq at your house, or coffee or something? I think tbh it is a silly idea to be holding things like that, when you only only one month off giving birth. What is the point? If you had it after the baby was born, that would make sense.

So yes, I feel you were being very unreasonable to be 8 months pregnant and almost popping (please excuse the word as I can't think of any other way of saying it atm), and have a party, at a bar for petes sake, and not expect your husband not to imbibe. What, was he supposed to abstain, just for you, while everyone else around him was drinking? Tbh I think it was rather selfish of you to put him in that situation. A bar - WHY? That was just asking for trouble. Imo it's like hosting a child's party at Baskin Robbins or a sweet store and not expecting them to have any. He isn't pregnant, you are. And expecting him not to have any, when you knowingly chose a bar, of all places, is very selfish of you and very unreasonable of you. Sorry, but I feel it is.

SoyDora · 02/09/2018 09:54

I find a lot of these posts really weird and probably defensive from people who drink too much

As I said, DH and I barely drink. But as a one off, at an all day celebration in a pub, it’s not really something I’d get too worked up about. I’m sure he didn’t set out with the intention of getting blind drunk, but I imagine his friends were buying him ‘celebration’ drinks. It’s a one off, people make mistakes and forget their limits.

Kirdypurdy14 · 02/09/2018 09:56

So just because you can't drink neither can he? Poor man you've said he isn't am alcoholic so it was a one of drink with friends I really don't see what hes done wrong I think you owe him an apology

maxthemartian · 02/09/2018 09:56

A bar - WHY? That was just asking for trouble. Imo it's like hosting a child's party at Baskin Robbins or a sweet store and not expecting them to have any

The above, to me, describes an alcoholic.

Original poster
nervousFTM · 02/09/2018 09:58

@maxthemartian I think I love you! Hehe

OP posts:
rainingcatsanddog · 02/09/2018 09:58

He's not been as drunk as this since you being pregnant so you're completely unreasonable here.

You had the party at a bar. If it was supposed to be a sober family affair, you could've had this gathering somewhere more family friendly. It sounds like you're jealous that he can drink alcohol. It won't be long until you can drink too.

The only part where you're not unreasonable is making him sleep on the sofa.

Dieu · 02/09/2018 09:58

YABU and sound incredibly precious.

SalemBlackCat · 02/09/2018 10:03

So, there were lots of kids around and you had it in a pub? Sorry, but that's even worse. Your husband could have cooked at home or did the bbq at home. Or in a park. It would have really been better had you had the party after you had the baby. I honestly don't see what the point to it was at that stage of pregnancy.

Redteapot67 · 02/09/2018 10:06

I think it would be perfectly reasonable to have a discussion with your oh in general about his drinking. You need to be on the same page as to what is expected over the next few months.
Personally I think it’s a bit much to ask him to stop drinking just in case you need to go to the hospital but maybe he could stop drinking excessively so he’d be coherent enough to accompany you. What will happen post baby? You’ll probably find he expects to carry on going out and drinking whilst you are tied to the baby abc stay at home. If you don’t want this (totally reasonable) you need to discuss now with him. Perhaps you might agree once a week is ok for him to go out and you also get a night off each week too (whether you just use it to sleep or not).
Tbh I think you both sound a little immature holding a ‘last pre baby party’ - perhaps your current lifestyle doesn’t sound very family friendly. Your relationship is about to come under a massive stress - shore it up as much as you can now

pictish · 02/09/2018 10:22

I agree with others. It’s a party in a pub...drinking will happen.

Atalune · 02/09/2018 10:30

massive drip feedop

Aus84 · 02/09/2018 10:37

YABU but I can totally understand that at 8 months pregnant you may not realise that right now.

QuarterMileAtATime · 02/09/2018 10:44

Given your update, perhaps you are worried that this won’t stop once the baby is here? He does need to become more responsible with his drinking.

TatianaLarina · 02/09/2018 11:52

it does seem to be the UK way that you're meant to get blind drunk for anything resembling an occasion!

Only on the internet, I don’t know anyone who thinks that in real life.

I’m struck by the people who think that the only way to regulate drinking at a party is not to hold it in a pub. Apparently none of the adults they know have any self control or self respect.

SoyDora · 02/09/2018 11:55

Apparently none of the adults they know have any self control or self respect

Or perhaps they’re commenting on a one off situation where the OP’s DH was at an all day celebration, in a pub, with his friends and family, where he had a bit too much to drink.

StatisticallyChallenged · 02/09/2018 12:42

I'm going to go against the grain and say yanbu:
-By 8 months, almost every guy I know had either given up drinking entirely or were limiting themselves to a pint or two (this tended to depend on whether they drove or not) as they knew that they could be required to be in a fit state to go to hospital at any time
-I'm guessing if there were kids there it was a family friendly kind of bar, and who wants to host 30-40 people at home at 8 months gone
-He knew you had family staying and that there was work to be done to host them, including making beds, cooking etc. Depends how severe your PGP is but I'm at the same stage and mine is bloody horrific, I would really struggle to make up a bed at this stage.

It's perfectly possible to go to an event held in a bar and not get blotto . He basically left you with a load of work to go, which you would physically struggle with, so he could get pissed. I'd be fuming too

Original poster
nervousFTM · 02/09/2018 13:10

@TatianaLarina exactly, they do serve soft drinks at pubs!

OP posts:
TatianaLarina · 02/09/2018 13:19

Or perhaps they’re commenting on a one off situation where the OP’s DH was at an all day celebration, in a pub, with his friends and family

I know exactly what they’re commenting on. And posters have said that holding the party in pub was ‘asking for trouble’, and like hosting a kids’ party in a candy store, because apparently adults can’t be expected o have impulse control.

It’s not a one off anyway as he got shitfaced at a family BBQ recently and can do so again at a forthcoming wedding.

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