To not go round to friends house because of hygiene?

[HopeGarden]

Not sure if I’m being a bit too precious and mean about cleanliness ...

I have a good friend with DC similar ages to mine. All DC generally get on well and enjoy playing together, we’ve met up at local parks a number of times over the summer holidays. Friend has now texted and invited us over to her house tomorrow for play date and lunch, says her car is in garage for repairs so she can’t drive anywhere.

Thing is, I don’t want to go round her house because I think her hygiene standards are rubbish.

Whenever I go round, her house is dirty, the downstairs toilet is usually filthy, there’s never any soap left out (and it’s not unusual for there to be no toilet paper either).
She can produce soap when I ask (from a separate room) but she always says that she doesn’t leave it out because the DC use the soap if it’s out. Whenever I’ve been around her house when her DC have used the toilet, she’s never encouraged them to wash hands or check that they’ve left the toilet in an ok state.
She doesn’t wash her hands before preparing food - e.g. I’ve seen her handle raw meat with both hands and then wipe her hands dry on her trousers rather than washing her hands.
Her pets use the garden as a toilet and she doesn’t always pick up after them before letting kids out in the garden.

And to cap it off, there’s barely a month goes by without at least one of her DC coming down with at least one tummy bug. They’ve missed loads of school because of this. She seems to think that this is just bad luck but I’ve got a strong suspicion that the poor hand hygiene plays a big part.

I feel a bit mean about it because we have no plans for tomorrow but WIBU to tell her we can’t go round because we’re “busy”?
DC start back at school next week and I don’t want to risk them coming down with some tummy bug at friends house and missing their first few days back at school.

Sounds revolting, I think I would say I had plans. No wonder her children are always sick.

Was going to say from your title that YABU but handling raw meat and not washing hands and never using soap sounds revolting. I'd avoid!

YANBU - I definitely wouldn't visit her. Then again I have a poor immune system but even if I didn't I wouldn't.

Many children play with soap because it produces bubbles and has a nice feel but they grow out of it, so her excuse for "hiding" the soap is silly.

Yanbu. Shame as she sounds nice, inviting you for lunch!
I have one friend who has similar hygiene standards. She has dogs too with no boundaries, slobbering over the sofa etc. I do go as she's lovely, but I don't eat there and wash myself and my clothes when I get home.

Oh god no. Just say you’re busy.

Messy I can handle but this sounds like a potential death trap.

Thanks but sorry you’re busy. How awful for her poor kids.

Ewww, the raw meat and wiping hands on trousers made me feel quite sick, and my hygiene standards are far from perfect (although I'm a bit of a fanatic handwasher).

YANBU.

I'd stay well clear, tbh.
I don't understand her reasoning with not leaving out the soap because her DC will use it - that's what they're meant to do!
My mil has similar habits, including allowing her cats to use their litter tray then roam on the kitchen counters and is always suffering from skin problems like impetigo and mysterious stomach bugs that no-one else in the family gets.

I would avoid visiting her house (for sure!) but suggest meeting at the park or something. It's shocking how some people live - she must be completely unaware that it isn't normal.

I always check these threads to make sure it isn’t me. My house is a tip and we have animals but that means we’re always handwashing. Vicious circle because I wash towels daily because of all the handwashing so there’s always laundry so it’s never tidy.
Definitely make an excuse, the tummy bug thing is the clincher.

YANBU. Her poor kids will be so embarrassed as they get older. Nobody would let their kids play around there.

I bet she’s one of those people who pretend they’re too busy ‘making memories’ to clean or who are ‘eccentric middle class’ to try and make their poor standards look aspirational. I’ve been around people like that. People either go around, stay for the bare minimum and don’t accept food or drink or make excuses not to go.

I worry it's me on threads like this as well. No animals though and we do have soap. [Clutter is our problem...].

YANBU. I avoid eating at one family member's house. Her kitchen is revolting. She'll leave chicken stock or meat stews out slightly warm for a night or two and then serve them. Cats walk all over the surfaces. There's a horrible "off" food smell in the air. She hardly ever seems to clean bin or fridge. And on the rare occasion she wipes something down she doesn't rinse the dish cloth so loads of bits of food just live in it permanently. Never cleans floor. Bits of food in sink plug hole. Cat fur in butter (not kidding!). I'm no domestic goddess but it makes me want to heave. Really difficult though because she loves cooking and entertaining and gets really huffy if you politely hint or question that something isn't quite right. My other sibling regularly gets ill after eating there because they are too polite to object or avoid.

I don’t go to my friends house because it’s filthy. Her kids piss everywhere. Sofa. Floor. Chairs. Wipes it occasionally with a. Damp cloth. Doesn’t actually clean it. On my baby and MY belongings. The smell of urine makes me gag.

I don’t let her in my house either especially not with her kid.

I fully expected to be saying you were being U but having read this well I am almost speechless!

Tawdry We do normally meet at the park, but she said in her text she can’t get to the park because her car is in the garage for repairs.

Even if her house was spotless I’d prefer the park TBH as her garden is tiny and a park has more room for the DC to run about.

EW. No I wouldn’t be able to eat there. As I’ve got older and my anxiety has got worse I really struggle to eat any homemade cakes and stuff that people have made unless I’ve seen their kitchen myself and know how clean it is.

don’t go to my friends house because it’s filthy. Her kids piss everywhere.

kids, not dogs? Are you sure?

We have a downstairs toilet with no sink, well aside from the kitchen one. I put a tub of antibacterial gel on the windowsill above. There’s never any excuse not to wash hands, I can’t abide the thought. YANBU.

Yeah, I have pretty lax hygiene by MN standards but raw meat and dog shit when kids are playing there is gross. I would avoid going back to her house.

Many children play with soap because it produces bubbles and has a nice feel

We’ve definitely had that with both my older DC, but yes, they do grow out of it.

And I’d rather that my DC used a bit too much soap than none at all, especially after poos or grubbing around in the mud.

Urgh. No. We're not tidy and we have two indoor cats but they are NOT allowed on the surfaces (and chased straight down if they attempt it), floors and surfaces are cleaned daily, and I am insistent on handwashing with soap after using the loo etc and after coming in from outside (she doesn't leave the soap out because the children will use it? Isn't that the point?).

I have a friend like that. She is getting older and she is lonely. I want to help but I honestly can't face her house. My sense of smell is really strong and the smell literally makes me want to be sick.

She's asked me over to see her new dog but I just can't go. The smell of the dogs is overpowering. She has a disability and doesn't go out a lot.

I hate seeing her lonely. I think I'm going to have to tell her but I really don't want to hurt her.

Gosh revolting!!! I think actually I know an incident where young baby got poorly from cross contamination of meat/their bottles. Lax hygiene. The baby ended up in hospital on a drip for fluids due to severe vomiting and diarrhoea. The baby’s stool was tested so they knew the bacteria came from raw chicken. From what I understand the hospital did get social services involved to review the home. It was seen as serious matter as the baby could have died.

30hours I don’t go to my friends house because it’s filthy. Her kids piss everywhere

That’s really grim. At least my friend’s kids use the toilet!

@OutPinked no pets. Just shit parenting.

She doesn’t leave soap out because the dc will use it?! What, like they’re supposed to??