To feel attracted to someone unattractive

[AmIBeingRealistic]

I was walking home one day past this guy, who I don’t know. Let’s call him A. A was well groomed, wearing suit and tie, clean shaven, etc. I looked at him, but didn’t feel attracted to him. He is not remotely attractive and most people would rate him a 3/10.

A few weeks later, I walked past an office and saw A playing with his son. I noticed him looking at me but didn’t think much else. Two days later, I was surprised to find out that A was in fact a respected member in the community. He gives lots of seminars and weekly talks on self development, life, etc. I’ve heard his name mentioned many times before by friends that attend and recommend his talks, but never seen or paid that much attention to him. He is also divorced and a single father.

So I decide to look up his talks on FB, and get hooked. His knowledge, confidence and personality shines throughout. After listening to so many talks, I felt extremely attracted to A and felt like I could look past his looks.

He is pale, bony, has chipped tooth, slightly hunched back and health complications. As weird as it sounds, I see him as a 10/10 look wise. I feel desire towards him and butterflies in my stomach when watching his videos. I even saw one video with a panel discussion, where there were around another 5 men along with him, and he appeared to be the least attractive of them all. There were two handsome panel speakers, but I didn’t feel anything towards them, but felt a burning sensation of desire and attraction towards A.

I am really thinking of getting things started with A. He shares custody between his ex wife. I have no kids myself, but willing to be a stepmother to young kids. I’ve never considered single dads previously, but now I’m willing to accept it without question.

Before I persue this, I want to know if it’s possible to sustain a relationship in the long term with someone who you initially viewed as unattractive. I’m now in a, you can call it honeymoon sort of phase, but when reality sets in, what will possibly happen? Will I just see A as the initial 3/10 and feel unsatisfied?

Is anyone here in a relationship with a partner who is unattractive, but they feel extremely attracted to them? AIBU to think you it’s possible to feel intense attraction towards an unattractive person?

3luckystars - that's bloody brilliant! I can't stop the giggles.

Assuming this is real how can you be so sure that he would want to go out with you anyway?!?! Just because he's not an absolute looker it doesn't mean he will be grateful for any bit of attention he gets. How sad and shallow that you would actually think that. I hope you ask him out and he says a big fat NO

You judged him harshly on looks but once you found out he was popular and successful he suddenly became attractive, even though you don't know him and haven't actually talked to him.

If he is a development/life coach type person he is unlikely to fall for someone so shallow so maybe leave him alone unless you can cope with a knock back from an ungrateful 3/10.

Out of interest, how do you rate yourself out of 10?

most people would rate him a 3/10

I'm assuming you arranged a YouGov poll, OP. Or did you just phone up the mysterious 100 people they purportedly use in Pointless to determine what 'most people' think is the most populous country in Africa etc?

I am shamelessly following this for the comments!

He gives lots of seminars and weekly talks on self development, life, etc.

Please tell me he's not a life coach...

Attraction is a wierd thing. DH of over a decade is a hot guy, he has a muscular athletic body with a much desired 6pack. He is tall, has a full head of hair and a very well paid job. He is charming and sweet and I do love him. But i also have a crush on DC’s slightly overweight slightly balding, badly dressed science teacher. Don’t ask me to explain that one

3luckystars

Fucking brilliant. Need to change my tenalady.

Is it Steve Buscemi in Boardwalk Empire? Do you fancy some nookie with Nucky?

Many years ago a friend married a man who looked like the actor Anthony Edwards, tall, skinny, balding, wore specs, bit goofy looking.

Then Anthony Edwards got the role of Dr Mark Greene in ER and to her amazement my friend discovered she had accidentally married a sex god. She was so surprised! So you never can tell.

Voldemort, my my, he's so powerful, I suddenly find him strangely attractive... Does he do seminars?

iklboo good call! Fits the description perfectly.

OP, do people he's close to just sort of...disappear?

😁

Notre Dame. Just saying.

This thread is nuts.

You aren't attracted to someone unattractive. You're attracted to someone who looks wise isn't what people stereotypically find conventionally attractive.

Huge difference. Would you like praising for your lack of shallowness that is so magnificent that It's worth telling everyone about?

I like how his future is planned here
He might be in a relationship
He might not want a relationship
He might be gay.
he might be a serial killer

Anyway I do have a serious reply despite the above.

I am with someone who isn't conventionally attractive.
I (apparently) AM conventionally attractive.

I have been with her 5 years and when we began seeing one another, I was still in the closet to family.

When people thought we were friends not partners, they commented and have since said they wouldn't have had they known we were in a relationship. Some obviously were said upon realisation.

'Ugh, what attracted you to HER?!'

'She looks haggared . Absolutely haggared.'

'You're pretty and should be with someone who's equal looks wise' (I WISH I was joking).

'She's ugly though! What about XX (a mutual friend)? They're not as ugly as her!'

'What do you see in her?!'

If things do go well with this man (And I hope they do despite what I said before)! You may be subject to some reactions like this, sadly.

That's awful tworounds. Hope you told them where to go with their shitty comments!

Ignore the haters hun and concentrate on the important issues: what bridesmaid dresses are his daughters going to wear at your wedding?

Jeremy Clarkson looked at me with admiration in a pub in Notting Hill recently. Well, it was more like pissed lechery actually.

Ewww.

@ Voldemort!

Actually CRYING at the Voldemort transformation

Where have you gone OP? we're trying to help you...

Quick question have you ever actually had a relationship with a man? or any kind of romantic relationship other than in your head?

I think the OP got the hump.

is the unattractive bloke called Humphrey?

Eleanor oliphant, is that you?

OP, I'll answer you seriously.

I met someone in college. I didn't fancy him straight away however we had 10 hours of lessons together each week and after a few weeks I found myself really fancying him as I got to know him better. I was 17 at the time and remember saying to my friend 'I think I fancy someone I shouldn't as I don't actually think he's very good looking'. Bear in mind I was 17 and not an adult when I said that, I certainly wouldn't say it now about anyone.

We started a relationship, and just over a year later he completely broke my heart by cheating on me. I forgave me and we got back together, only for him to then finish with me for the other girl a few weeks later.

During our relationship, I continued to really fancy him.

I don't see how other people's experiences of something similar to this can help, everyone has different personalities, it's not like if you choose a man that you see as physically unattractive but you're willing to look past that because of his personality, you have a guarantee that no one else will ever find him attractive, if that's what you were hoping.

And actually, it wasn't that I decided to look past how my ex looked because we got along very well, his looks actually became incredibly attractive to me, because I liked him so much.

He remains the only person to have ever broken my heart.

Lol, I'll resist making a joke of this. So basically, you didn't find him attractive and now you do? And, hypothetically, if he wanted to enter into a relationship with you would the rose tinted glasses eventually break? My answer is that it completely depends on the pair of you and how compatible your personalities are, after all, looks aren't everything in a relationship.
Probably best to find out whether he actually likes you instead of asking questions about some hypothetical situation waaaay into the future. I don't think you're stalking or creepy though, I'm sure most people have scrolled through a crush's fb feed or insta at some point.

I don't know what you think you watched but it was actually a hypnosis video.

You are feeling sleepy - you fancy me - you are so sleepy...

Do you know a goat called Billy?