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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel attracted to someone unattractive

336 replies

AmIBeingRealistic · 31/08/2018 00:44

I was walking home one day past this guy, who I don’t know. Let’s call him A. A was well groomed, wearing suit and tie, clean shaven, etc. I looked at him, but didn’t feel attracted to him. He is not remotely attractive and most people would rate him a 3/10.

A few weeks later, I walked past an office and saw A playing with his son. I noticed him looking at me but didn’t think much else. Two days later, I was surprised to find out that A was in fact a respected member in the community. He gives lots of seminars and weekly talks on self development, life, etc. I’ve heard his name mentioned many times before by friends that attend and recommend his talks, but never seen or paid that much attention to him. He is also divorced and a single father.

So I decide to look up his talks on FB, and get hooked. His knowledge, confidence and personality shines throughout. After listening to so many talks, I felt extremely attracted to A and felt like I could look past his looks.

He is pale, bony, has chipped tooth, slightly hunched back and health complications. As weird as it sounds, I see him as a 10/10 look wise. I feel desire towards him and butterflies in my stomach when watching his videos. I even saw one video with a panel discussion, where there were around another 5 men along with him, and he appeared to be the least attractive of them all. There were two handsome panel speakers, but I didn’t feel anything towards them, but felt a burning sensation of desire and attraction towards A.

I am really thinking of getting things started with A. He shares custody between his ex wife. I have no kids myself, but willing to be a stepmother to young kids. I’ve never considered single dads previously, but now I’m willing to accept it without question.

Before I persue this, I want to know if it’s possible to sustain a relationship in the long term with someone who you initially viewed as unattractive. I’m now in a, you can call it honeymoon sort of phase, but when reality sets in, what will possibly happen? Will I just see A as the initial 3/10 and feel unsatisfied?

Is anyone here in a relationship with a partner who is unattractive, but they feel extremely attracted to them? AIBU to think you it’s possible to feel intense attraction towards an unattractive person?

OP posts:
TammySwansonTwo · 31/08/2018 16:37

Any chance it was this guy?

To feel attracted to someone unattractive
TammySwansonTwo · 31/08/2018 16:39

Sometimes it’s better to be ugly with an attractive personality, than attractive but mad as a box of frogs. Know what I’m saying, OP?

I think you should watch There’s Something About Mary this weekend, excellent stalking manual.

Tomatoesrock · 31/08/2018 17:13

OP it sounds intense already, you seem very specific with details. I think you are very honest, My DD is like this she has HF ASD, I could see her writing and detailing things as you have when she is older.

If he is willing to go on a date, keep most of the details in your OP to yourself, take things slow.

Theresnodisneyending · 31/08/2018 17:46

I'm ugly. I've been told I'm ugly, by men in the street/random men at a sporting event when I was 14, and random kids, one time. It's painful, it stays with you. I know everyone is thinking this is funny but seriously OP, don't go after this guy. If he finds out you thought these things at the start (if you ever of course start to date....), I'm pretty sure he'll probably not ever forget...

LonginesPrime · 31/08/2018 17:56

I have no kids myself, but willing to be a stepmother to young kids

Whoah, there...surely you should speak to the guy first?

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 31/08/2018 17:58

Disney Flowers
Random men called a 14 year old child ugly. Theyre the repulsive ones, Twats.
I'd love be a fly on the wall if they said that to a 6 ft tall 6 ft wide rugby player.
My nan always used to say. "Never ever sell your self short or put yourself down as other people do that for you.
I hate people under mining themselves. Were they top male models or something.

Letshopeitsallok · 31/08/2018 18:02

Tell him after his talk that you’re his number one fan.

Have a room in your house prepared for when he comes back.

ForeverJung · 31/08/2018 18:30

if he's a life coach, I bet he's played the OP like a fiddle

onetimeposter · 31/08/2018 18:34

Same experience of being told im ugly, at school, by men in the street. I am ugly. But yes it stays with you i feel unloveable. If i was asked out id assume a group of men round the corner would burst out laughing if i said yes because it woukd be a joke. Shame, im a nice person but have a fucking ugly face Sad

onetimeposter · 31/08/2018 18:34

Agree with jung
Fab username!

Needahairbrush · 31/08/2018 18:38

Omg Voldemort I’ve just done a very inappropriate snort in a and e

GoatWoman · 31/08/2018 18:45

Guys, please do we know the OP is a troll? I'm worried that this person may be on the spectrum or unwell.

Please be gentle until MNHQ pull the thread.

amusedbush · 31/08/2018 18:51

Letshopeitsallok

Ohhh Leeds!

MoonriseKingdom · 31/08/2018 19:07

A was in fact a respected member in the community. He gives lots of seminars and weekly talks on self development, life, etc.

Maybe it’s the local vicar.
Or maybe it’s Paul McKenna Grin

Crystalblue13 · 31/08/2018 19:11

It’s not that unusual to fancy people who aren’t typically good looking. I’ve found loads of people attractive from their personality.

Crystalblue13 · 31/08/2018 19:13

I think you might be jumping the gun a bit thinking about being a step mum though. You need to meet him first!

Flamingosnbears · 31/08/2018 19:16

If your attracted then they ARE attractive

ichifanny · 31/08/2018 19:19

I so hope he doesn’t fancy you .

tworoundsofwaterplease · 31/08/2018 19:19

I definitely relate to that, sunflowerr.

My heart stops when my other half walks in a room. She is what I find attractive, I don't care what anybody else thinks. I've heard her looks criticised by total strangers.

Short out sounding liek a bit of a dick I actually take pleasure in gripping her hand/hugging her -plonking myself on her lap-- if I see/hear someone being awful.

And although mine hasn't cheated she has no lack of admirers and has been out with/DTD with far more people than me. I didn't think of that when I responded but OP (If you ever come back) if this is what you're thinking, nopes. And don't expect him to necessarily be grateful for your admiration, he might have swarms of 'yous'!

I have friends who are STUNNING and friends who many wouldn't look twice at. IME confidence is everything. IF someone is confident they aren't short of offers. Obviously other things come into it and this man sounds like he might be admired by a lot of people.

Sympathies to all those who've been criticised for being 'ugly'. Nobody is ugly, everyone is attractive to some people.

I am also not about to say I am some great beauty or anything, I sometimes really dont see what others tell me, I was a very plain, overwieight child but, if its any consolation, looks aren't always a blessing either.

Thank you, hunchback a lot of it has been family-one was my boss! Not always easy to say 'fuck off' in that situation. I told my boss 'she made me laugh, and if you make me laugh you can make me do anything' Marilyn Monroe quote

AamdC · 31/08/2018 19:22

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder , a man that i had an on off fling with years, wasent conventionally handsome at all, but he was extremely charming , and was easy ro get along wirh, and was very attractive to women , its not all abour looks, that said i think you need to slow down a bit .

AamdC · 31/08/2018 19:23

years ago*

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 31/08/2018 19:51

Sorry but Hunchback of Cosa Nostra and are you sure it's not cystitis have made me actually weep.......

WarmestRegards · 31/08/2018 19:55

This reply has been deleted

This has been been removed by MNHQ for privacy reasons.

Teenagemaw · 31/08/2018 19:56

Is this still going lol.... gave me a good laugh in work today!!!!

Opensesame1 · 31/08/2018 19:56

Ok so first of all although we have probably all occasionally fantasised about a make believe relationship with a stranger it's very important that this remains inside your head. This is not real life!!!!

And also... your assumption that because you think he is a 3 means that he is a 3 is laughable.. attraction is different to everybody.. your 3 is someone else's 10 and vice versa.

And thirdly... do you have someone you can see or speak to about this?? If this is a serious post and you have actually married this man in your head and you consider this normal behaviour then I seriously suggest you seek professional help before you kill somebody.