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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel attracted to someone unattractive

336 replies

AmIBeingRealistic · 31/08/2018 00:44

I was walking home one day past this guy, who I don’t know. Let’s call him A. A was well groomed, wearing suit and tie, clean shaven, etc. I looked at him, but didn’t feel attracted to him. He is not remotely attractive and most people would rate him a 3/10.

A few weeks later, I walked past an office and saw A playing with his son. I noticed him looking at me but didn’t think much else. Two days later, I was surprised to find out that A was in fact a respected member in the community. He gives lots of seminars and weekly talks on self development, life, etc. I’ve heard his name mentioned many times before by friends that attend and recommend his talks, but never seen or paid that much attention to him. He is also divorced and a single father.

So I decide to look up his talks on FB, and get hooked. His knowledge, confidence and personality shines throughout. After listening to so many talks, I felt extremely attracted to A and felt like I could look past his looks.

He is pale, bony, has chipped tooth, slightly hunched back and health complications. As weird as it sounds, I see him as a 10/10 look wise. I feel desire towards him and butterflies in my stomach when watching his videos. I even saw one video with a panel discussion, where there were around another 5 men along with him, and he appeared to be the least attractive of them all. There were two handsome panel speakers, but I didn’t feel anything towards them, but felt a burning sensation of desire and attraction towards A.

I am really thinking of getting things started with A. He shares custody between his ex wife. I have no kids myself, but willing to be a stepmother to young kids. I’ve never considered single dads previously, but now I’m willing to accept it without question.

Before I persue this, I want to know if it’s possible to sustain a relationship in the long term with someone who you initially viewed as unattractive. I’m now in a, you can call it honeymoon sort of phase, but when reality sets in, what will possibly happen? Will I just see A as the initial 3/10 and feel unsatisfied?

Is anyone here in a relationship with a partner who is unattractive, but they feel extremely attracted to them? AIBU to think you it’s possible to feel intense attraction towards an unattractive person?

OP posts:
Shambu · 31/08/2018 11:13

AIBU to watch Top Gear and map out a future with a 0/10 pot-bellied pig?

whereisthepostman · 31/08/2018 11:18

Cant stop laughing at 'pale and bony' :D

Beaverhausen · 31/08/2018 11:18

I have to say ladies I have been howling in laughter at this thread, DP even had a read before work and he just shook his head.

viques · 31/08/2018 11:24

shambu my most sincere condolences. I hope you have had therapy, I'm feeling grubby just reading about your unfortunate experience.

IhatetheArchers · 31/08/2018 11:30

You need to attract his attention and show you are seriously interested.

Could I suggest leaving gifts on his doorstep? Maybe chocolates and flowers, possibly a selection of photos of him you have secretly taken. You could even Photoshop yourself into the photos so can see what you would look like as a couple! A nice touch would be to post a pair of your knickers (obviously clean) through his letterbox with your phone number attached a message asking if there is anything he'd like to post through your letterbox!

What can I say. It worked for me!

TidyLike · 31/08/2018 11:34

Different things are attractive to different people. I don't place much significance on looks - I'm more attracted by someone's mind, personality, how they treat others, etc. Why would you even care what he looks like, if you are attracted to him?

Rebecca36 · 31/08/2018 11:41

He's not unattractive if you find him attractive, even if you didn't do so initially.

You do not know this man! How do you know he would be interested in a relationship with you? Atm A is a fantasy. Nothing wrong with a fantasy but for goodness sakes don't build your life around him. If you got to know him you might find he's not to your taste.

There are plenty of other - childless - men in the world.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 31/08/2018 11:46

Ha! As if people are taking this seriously Grin

Fucking hell.

pickingdaisies · 31/08/2018 12:11

Have now got Nostradamus, Notre dame and Nosferatu hopelessly jumbled in my addled mind, somebody help! (He's creeping up the stairs !)Grin

KeepServingTheDrinks · 31/08/2018 12:22

I can very definitely recommend Eleanor O. It's a superb read. Very funny. Quite sad.

Aspenfrost · 31/08/2018 12:26

Many men are not conventionally attractive. Personality plays a big part in the way you feel about someone and so does intelligence. Clever men are devastatingly attractive. Appearance alone is never going to be enough.

GoatWoman · 31/08/2018 12:54

Phil out of Eastenders once looked at me with admiration in a pub in Primrose Hill. This was in the 90's though!

onetimeposter · 31/08/2018 12:56

I have noticed that even objectively unattractive men consider themselves much more attractive than they are, whereas women will underplay their own attractiveness.
Tis why you get many, many average and above average women in long term relationships with ugly men, but hardly ever the other way round.

FlyingElbows · 31/08/2018 13:04

Hunchback of Nosferatu would be a very interesting twist. are the teeth the early clue about what's to come, op?

Candymay · 31/08/2018 13:06

The Hunchback of Nostradamus. There’s just so much to love here. I’m really grateful for this post because I’ve had an awful week and need distraction. If this is a serious post then I hope the poor 3/10 makes for the hills.

iklboo · 31/08/2018 13:11

He could be the Hunchback of Cosa Nostra. Then you'd really be in trouble.

EllenRipley · 31/08/2018 13:12

I think your success will very much depend on whether this guy is attracted to lunatics and if so, whether you agree to join his cult.

Please let us know how it goes.

Confused
Lepetitpiggy · 31/08/2018 13:17

I had known my dh of 20 years for 14 years before we got together and had absolutely no interest in him whatsoever, then one night - we were friends for ages, I just looked at him and 'knew'. I still remember that feeling.

3luckystars · 31/08/2018 13:22

It’s Voldemort.

stevie69 · 31/08/2018 13:24

most people would rate him a 3/10

How do you know that? Have you discussed him with 'most people?'

yearofreckoning · 31/08/2018 13:24

My crush is someone I wasn't physically attracted to until we spoke . His intelligence and personality makes him the most handsome man in my eyes . Sadly we can't be together ☹️

Knittedfairies · 31/08/2018 13:26

My husband has a chipped front tooth; he didn’t have it when we met - should I bin him?
(He chipped the tooth with a hammer; he’s a geologist and was peering closely at a sample of rock he’d just hammered, and didn’t put the hammer down first. I laughed like a loon.)

3luckystars · 31/08/2018 13:28

3

To feel attracted to someone unattractive
3luckystars · 31/08/2018 13:29

10

RomanyRoots · 31/08/2018 13:30

This is weird as you would find them attractive.
my dh would never win any prizes in the looks dept, but he is the most attractive man in the world to me.
I wouldn't have got with someone I found ugly.