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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be p*ssed off that no option for cohabiting/long-term relationship exists on maternity notes?

341 replies

BillieBryson · 30/08/2018 21:34

I'm newly pg with DC#2, and today had my booking appointment with midwife. Perhaps it's the hormones, but I felt particularly enraged this time round when I forced to choose 'single' as my marital status as the only other option was 'married'. I've been with OH for 12 years FFS! Why, in 2018, when a considerable proportion of couples choose not to marry, is there no recognition of this? Doesn't this also artificially inflate statistics for single mothers (not that there is anything wrong with that of course)?

OP posts:
EwItsAHooman · 30/08/2018 21:36

Maybe it varies by area as my maternity notes had an option for "living together" and then a bit further down the page to record partner's name, dob, job, etc.

Racecardriver · 30/08/2018 21:39

Yes. It really doesn't matter does it? If you want the same recognition as married couples just get married, it takes less than an hour. If you don't care about being recognised officially as a couple then why do you care? What actual difference does this make to you, its just a question on a form for statistical purposes.

NakedBrainStrollingInManhatten · 30/08/2018 21:43

Isn't the question about your legal relationship status though? So if you aren't married and never have been you would select single as "long term relationship" is not a legal status.

ChanklyBore · 30/08/2018 21:43

Don’t choose a marital status.

What purpose could them knowing your marital status possibly have?

Or create a new box, label it “The 21st century” and tick it.

CookPassBabtridge · 30/08/2018 21:44

That's so weird, it's one of the most common situations in todays society! I would mention it to someone so they can feedback. Mine had the option of living together. What I didn't like was being a 'housewife' on my notes when I said I was a SAHM.

I've noticed a few online forms for important things don't have in long term relationship/living together. I've had to put married.

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/08/2018 21:46

On mine there was space for the father’s derails (including his job which seems totally irrelevant) and space for my next of kin. Both happen to be my husband but I think I only mentioned my marital status under the father’s relationship to me when I could as easily have put partner.

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/08/2018 21:47

*details

formerbabe · 30/08/2018 21:50

I wonder if it's something to do with parental responsibility? A partner rather than a husband maybe wouldn't have automatic pr until he was put on the birth certificate? Not sure if that's correct or not?

butlerswharf · 30/08/2018 21:57

It didn't piss me off. It's neither here nor there and it means nothing.

EwItsAHooman · 30/08/2018 22:09

It has relevance in relation to parental responsibility, if you're not married then the father has no parental responsibility until he gets a court order, a parental agreement, or is named on the birth certificate. They need to know whether you're married or not because it means he cannot, for example, make medical decisions for your child or consent to treatment or have a say in decisions relating to their care, it means staff are aware that you have sole parental responsibility.

fixingabrokenhesrt · 30/08/2018 22:19

@ChanklyBore next of kin? If things turn life threatening in labour it wouldn't necessarily be Baby's allowed to make decisions

wotsittoyou · 30/08/2018 22:46

As EwIts said, they're ascertaining who has legal parental responsibility for your child. In the absence of safeguarding concerns, it's none of their business who you live with.

lemonsorbetinthesun · 30/08/2018 22:49

PR has changed. If Dad is on birth certificate then he has PR, married or not.

MrsAmaretto · 30/08/2018 22:52

Possibly to do with your next of kin? Which I assume is legally your parents?

Or to do with parental responsibility? I’m in Scotland so it might be different but unmarried fathers have no rights, can’t register the baby’s birth etc.

I really think we need to educate the next generation on the legal rights marriage give a man and woman.

EachPeachPearRum · 30/08/2018 22:53

If something goes wrong in the hospital the baby won't have a birth certificate and an unmarried father will not yet have PR. It's a legal obligation for them to know who does and who doesn't.

MrsAmaretto · 30/08/2018 22:55

I should have said unmarried fathers don’t have parental responsibility until the mother puts them on the birth certificate. Where’s married fathers automatically get them. My husband, for example, was legally able to register our babies, something a unmarried father could not do

formerbabe · 30/08/2018 22:56

PR has changed. If Dad is on birth certificate then he has PR, married or not

Yes but before the birth certificate is produced then a husband will have pr whereas a partner won't until the birth certificate is produced and he is put on it...I presume?!

sofato5miles · 30/08/2018 22:58

21st century blah blah. You are not married, ypur partner has little legal status in terms of you and your yet to be born child.

C0untDucku1a · 30/08/2018 22:59

What do you want recognition for? A boyfriend of twelve years? Well done! Having two children? Well done! No legal rights that come with marriage? Erm, well done???

Hmm
Tomatoesrock · 30/08/2018 23:03

As a previous pp suggested I would add my own box, maybe it will make them change it, it may an oversight.

I had my first in the the UK, we registered the birth in the hospital, when I had my 2nd in Ireland I was shocked as you cannot register your babys birth in the maternity hospital unless you are married, you have to take your baby and DP to the registering office.

MinecraftHolmes · 30/08/2018 23:03

Yes but before the birth certificate is produced then a husband will have pr whereas a partner won't until the birth certificate is produced and he is put on it...I presume?!

That’s right. An unmarried father can’t register the birth of a baby without the mother present, and she can’t name the father without him present if they are unmarried.

Dixiechickonhols · 30/08/2018 23:04

Yes it will be what Ewlts says. Your legal status is single. They are not asking to be nosy just that is what they need to know in the unlikely event of medical complications for you or baby. Your next of kin is your parents if you need any decsion taking when you are unable to. Until baby is registered with your DP present and he is named on the birth cert or he gets a court order he legally does not have parental resonsibility for the child so is not legally recognised as the father and can't consent to any treatment for baby. A married dad automatically has PR for a baby born to his wife.

SemperIdem · 30/08/2018 23:05

I hope it is your hormones.

The clue is in the term “marital status”. Marital.

You are not legally married, therefore are legally single.

negomi90 · 30/08/2018 23:05

Your boyfriend of 12 years does not have parental responsibility of your future newborn until the birth certificate.
If your newborn has problems he can't consent for things, only you can.

The question is about legal status - legally you are single.

There should be another section for father's details and address - if you are living together its obvious.

The blunt married/single bit is actually really important for the birth and first few days of life.

Dixiechickonhols · 30/08/2018 23:14

People assume there is no difference as unmarried Dad's often accompany the mum and get named on birth cert and get PR. But there will be a gap as you can take up to 42 days to register baby and in some areas may have to wait a few weeks for an appointment with registrar even if you want to get on with it.
Until Dad has PR he cannot make decisions for a child, the child could be anyones the hospital staff cannot assume.

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