Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be p*ssed off that no option for cohabiting/long-term relationship exists on maternity notes?

341 replies

BillieBryson · 30/08/2018 21:34

I'm newly pg with DC#2, and today had my booking appointment with midwife. Perhaps it's the hormones, but I felt particularly enraged this time round when I forced to choose 'single' as my marital status as the only other option was 'married'. I've been with OH for 12 years FFS! Why, in 2018, when a considerable proportion of couples choose not to marry, is there no recognition of this? Doesn't this also artificially inflate statistics for single mothers (not that there is anything wrong with that of course)?

OP posts:
SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning · 30/08/2018 23:31

Next of kin has no legal definition. I can name my next door neighbour as my NOK if I fancy.

sharkirasharkira · 31/08/2018 00:07

Just out of curiosity - this thread has got me thinking - what if, very sadly, an unmarried woman died giving birth or very shortly afterwards? Who would/could register the baby's birth? How could the father legally get PR if he can't register without the mother?

Dixiechickonhols · 31/08/2018 01:35

shark Interesting questions. Father could go to court to apply for pr. Not sure cost and how long it would take. Plus I’m sure last thing you would want to do when newly bereaved with a newborn to care for. Who consents for baby in interim or is just essential emergency treatment and things like consenting to vaccinations be put on hold until someone has pr.
Would be interesting to hear from a registrar what the procedure is to register child of a deceased unmarried woman. I’d assume woman’s nok?

agnurse · 31/08/2018 01:48

I think it has since changed but in my area there used to be three options for marital status on the birth registration:

  1. Legally married and husband IS the baby's father. In this case the husband's name MUST be on the birth certificate as the legal father of the child, regardless of whether he is physically present to sign the document or not.
  1. Legally married and husband is NOT the father. In this case the mother had to sign and have notarized a separate declaration stating that during this pregnancy she was a married woman, that she was separated from her husband when this child was conceived, that her husband was not the father, and that she was the mother. The father's name was not on the birth registration.
  1. Not legally married. In this case, the father's name could only be put on the birth registration if he was present to sign the form and acknowledge the child. Otherwise it was left blank.

If a mother was separated she was still legally married. (Canada doesn't have legal separation per se.) If the mother and her partner were common law she wasn't legally married.

Notveryadventurousname · 31/08/2018 02:09

The OP says the question was about her marital status. Not whether she was married to the father of the baby. In that case the potential PR of the father cannot be assumed from the answer. Either it is in relation to next of kin status for the expectant mother or just a standard question on the form without a real reason for being there.

FlyingElbows · 31/08/2018 05:42

There is no option for "co-habiting / long-term relationship" because neither of those has any legal standing whatsoever. It really is vitally important that women understand that and especially women having children. Establishing your legal marital status is not a value judgement! If you want legal recognition of your relationship then simply get married. It takes minutes, only costs a few quid and provides legal rights and security to both parents and any children.

DelilahandDaisy · 31/08/2018 05:47

You could always have a civil partnership, when it is opened up to straight couples.

Spinningteapots · 31/08/2018 05:59

I wonder if then long term cohabiting couples should be able have a legal contract (similar to marriage) to give legal status. I think if you want the state to recognise your commitment to each other as a couple then you should also fully commit to each other in a legal sense.

Notmorewashing · 31/08/2018 06:00

You can’t have the same rights as married people when you are not !!!! If it pisses you off so much maybe you should get legally married.

YeTalkShiteHen · 31/08/2018 06:00

Actually it does have legal standing, but only if you’re claiming benefits. Funny that eh? In no other situation are you recognised as a couple, legally.

Anyway, OP you’re not wrong imo. As highlighted above, the lack of PR means Dad wouldn’t be able to make medical decisions for his child in the event Mum couldn’t. Ridiculous.

Spinningteapots · 31/08/2018 06:06

Also an intresting point on PR. I didn't know an unmarried father had no PR unless on the birth certificate. If a father can prove he's the biological father can he have his name added to the certificate, even if against the mothers wishes?

Ihavethepower · 31/08/2018 06:13

As mentioned, it's 'marital status' not 'how do you define your relationship'.

Rednaxela · 31/08/2018 06:23

I detest smug unmarrieds. You're special because you cba getting the bit of paper to protect yourself and your children? Your biggest complaint is you dislike the wording of a box ticked on a form? Well done.

Top tip. Get married at the registry office on a weekday. Costs £100 or less. Go to the pub after for a glass of champagne if you fancy. Job done. HTH

YeTalkShiteHen · 31/08/2018 06:29

I detest smug unmarrieds. You're special because you cba getting the bit of paper to protect yourself and your children? Your biggest complaint is you dislike the wording of a box ticked on a form? Well done.

Why are you so angry? Good grief.

Getting married doesn’t make you special, it doesn’t elevate you somehow.

MaryShelley1818 · 31/08/2018 06:39

The form asks about your marital status. You are legally single (as was I when I had DS last year).
I don’t really see the issue, nobody cares if you’re living with someone/dating someone or even just had a ONS. The question is regarding your legal status.

Notveryadventurousname · 31/08/2018 06:51

Is everyone else missing the point or am I ? OP says box on form asks for her marital status. If that is the wordng then the boxes really should be Married or Not Married. But why is the question there at all on her medical form? NOT to determine likely PR of the father but probably to establish next of kin for her. Unless the form asks for name of unborn child's father, followed by a box to tick for marital status in regard to the child'-s father, no assumption can be made about PR from the OP's marital status. Or if it is, it is purely an assumption.

eeanne · 31/08/2018 06:53

They don't care about your romantic life. Marital status is a legal status, that's all they're asking. Whether you've lived with your partner 5 min or 5 years is irrelevant if you're not legally married.

RoseGoldEagle · 31/08/2018 06:56

I wonder if then long term cohabiting couples should be able have a legal contract (similar to marriage) to give legal status.

These couple CAN have a legal contract- it’s called marriage, why would you need something similar? That is literally what marriage is. A couple who chooses not to get married (which is obviously fine), has chosen not to enter into a legal contract- if they decide they do want that legal status- they can get married.

morningperson · 31/08/2018 07:00

I had the opposite of this the other day. I was trying to leave a review online for a hotel that we'd stayed in and it asked "who did you stay with?" well I stayed with my husband but there was no option for "husband", only "partner". He's not my partner! he was my partner before we were married. I am legally married, he is my husband, but there's no box for that. Madness! (I didnt complete the online review in the end, they can arsehole).

FASH84 · 31/08/2018 08:47

But that is your marital status, you're not married. I object to being listed as 'housewife' on all of my scans when my profession is quite clear in my notes and if unsure they could ask me again, because that is actually inaccurate.

kaytee87 · 31/08/2018 08:49

If you and your boyfriend want to have your relationship legally recognised then get married.

I find it baffling that people are constantly moaning about this when there's an easy solution.

kaytee87 · 31/08/2018 08:53

Also an intresting point on PR. I didn't know an unmarried father had no PR unless on the birth certificate. If a father can prove he's the biological father can he have his name added to the certificate, even if against the mothers wishes?

Yes but he'd have to go to court. It is wise for couples to get married before their baby is born. Imagine mum dies in childbirth, her parents don't like the boyfriend and say he's not the father out of spite. He has no parental responsibility until he can go to court - what a mess.

kaytee87 · 31/08/2018 08:54

I wonder if then long term cohabiting couples should be able have a legal contract (similar to marriage) to give legal status. I think if you want the state to recognise your commitment to each other as a couple then you should also fully commit to each other in a legal sense

There's already a perfectly good legal contract covering this. It's called marriage!

OutPinked · 31/08/2018 08:58

create a new box, label it “The 21st century” and tick it.

This.

Swipe left for the next trending thread