school trip

[sunshineNdaisies]

DD is in her final year of primary school here in Scotland and every year they go on a residential trip. I don't want DD to go. DH thinks she should. She's 10, not 11 til end of January.

It's for 5 days, mon-fri at an outdoor education centre. They will be doing things in all weathers like canoeing, abseiling, walks, cycling etc. I've looked up the venue and it's 6 kids to a room, shared toilets/showers, middle of nowhere. The food menu example is all things my DD will hate. No vending machines, no mobile phones allowed, no calls to parents, not allowed to bring own sweets.

It'll be mid November - so very likely to be rainy, cold, windy, lots of midgies.

I know my DD. She's not outdoorsy at all. If there's no food she likes, she wont eat or survive on bread and butter. She will hate the rain, wind etc. She thinks she can take her phone so she can call us - she can't. I can see her being very homesick and upset. Two of the three teachers in charge are teachers that neither DD or myself like. Also, I fully expect my DD to start her periods soon, all the signs are there.

DD says she wants to go but this is because 'all her friends are going'. The cost is £320 and I'd much rather spend this money doing something that DD will actually enjoy, not spending that money only for DD to come home in tears which I'm 99% certain will happen.

DH and his parents think I should let her go for 'the experience' and 'she might end up liking it'. I'm being made to feel like a big baddy.

Also what can I do with DD during that week instead as DH has no annual leave left for us to take her somewhere else.

Not only will she have to spend a week with the other class, then her classmates return all bonded having shared the experience.
Please don’t deprive her of that.

Oh send her! Especially if she wants to go, even if it is just FOMO. They always come back buzzing from residentials like this. I say that from seeing kids in school where I work, not just my own. I was beside myself when my ASD DD first went on one when she was 10 but she had an amazing time and loved it. I just made sure I taught her how to do her duvet before she went and told her to eat the hot meals at school so she and I would be happier that she would eat what was there.

It's a great opportunity and children who are mollycoddled probably need them.more than most.

Our GCSE students still look back on y6 residentials fondly. Your child will have heard so much from previous years that she'll feel bad if she misses out.

It sounds a bit like the OP is trying to lead her daughter into disliking it.

Sorry, I meant please don’t deprive her of the bonding experience

DD discovered she could eat salad if it was smothered in mayonnaise on a residential! 😂

You seem like you are projecting your own concerns on your child.

A ten year old won't care that it's 'basic' or having to share showers/loos with friends. It's a massive sleepover and great fun.

Two of my children have Asperger's and school residentials have required some planning. But they went and survived, even the things that went wrong.

I sent secret emergency food with the teachers for one of them, and it was never needed (we were very happy about that). I certainly wouldn't worry about a ten year old eating mainly bread and butter for a week.

Is this a wind up? Are you really concerned that a non-disabled ten year old needs a vending machine, a phone, help making a bed and can't cope with the rain?

Struggles with cold, wet, bed making, duvet covers, horrible food and teachers etc are all ways to bond with other children. They help each other out when struggling, they'll giggle at the mishaps or the horrid teachers, they will unite over their dislike of the food, and other difficulties, that is the whole point.

They learn, together, how to overcome difficulties, how to achieve things they didn't think they could; this builds great self esteem! Your attitude is about avoiding difficulties, rather than learning to cope with them. Learning to manage is healthy. Wanting to go because her friends are going is also the whole point. To spend this time with their friends is fantastic. To be the one who stays home because her mum thinks she won't like it...while her friends are trying new things and having some laughs, is just a bit sad.

They will learn to be kind to each other when anyone is homesick, they will talk after lights out when they are not supposed to.

Whatever your worries are, you need to keep quiet about them and allow this to at least have a chance of being a positive experience. Really. You need to let go and let her go.

DD2 has huge anxiety before her year 6 (P7 equiv) residential trip. She's waiting for ASD assessment, so change/not knowing exactly what will happen/anticipation are all really big triggers for her anxiety. She was up every night for the month prior to her trip, wanting to pack, wanting to nail down details about the trip, wanting to know who she would be sharing a room with, despite having been told that no-one would be told until arrival.

Eventually, I said to her that she had two choices 'go' or 'don't go', and that that's where her control of the situation ended. She was either going to step onto the catamaran or she wasn't, and was going on residential, or she wasn't.

She went, and she didn't get to phone home, and she had a good time. She was very glad to be home when she returned, but she enjoyed herself when she was away, and the one or two difficult spots that she came across were very well dealt with by her teachers, which really boosted her confidence.

I wasn't and still am not outdoorsy. I forced myself to do DOE at secondary school. Hated every minute of it, glad I did it.

For goodness sake stop thinking of ridiculous reasons why she shouldn’t go. If you are unwise enough to let your silly thoughts rub off on her then she’ll never want to do anything. It’s great that she wants to go and spend time with her friends.
Agree with other replies saying ‘reasons’ like can’t make a bed etc are just silly. Am sure she will learn to make a bed, it’s hardly difficult.
What a shame if she misses out when her friends will be going.
You can’t just take her somewhere else that week if it’s in school term. Get a grip and listen to her and your OH.

Christ on a bike you would hate our schools. We send our year sixes to France for five days to a pgl place.

And they all loved it

Stop
Holding your daughter back. She wants to go.

@SunshineNdaisies

I agree that it sounds very much like you don't want her to go. That's irrelevant. She's said she wants to go. Why are you even questioning it?

When I was aged 10/11 (year 6) I went to France on a school trip for 5 days. I loved it, first time away from home without my parents, lots of fun with my friends, first taste of independence. I'd let her go if she wants to.

Our DS went on his Y6 residential two months after his 11th birthday. A lot of his friends were two or three months off of theirs.

Our DS has a heart condition and was put in his own teacher's group as he knew DS very well so was better placed to spot any problems.

DS did sea traversing, went abseiling off a bridge (singing the theme from Mission Impossible), did rock climbing (only got half way up but that was his best so it was good enough), did sea kayaking and finished a 9km walk!

Yes, he had to make his own bed - he helped his friend who was struggling.

His friend is autistic and has issues with some foods. Whilst he was there he found out he loved baked beans, bacon, pancakes and pizza! Because the other kids were eating them and he tried them. His friend, who is afraid of heights, managed to do the abseil.

Both DS and his friend came back aching with tales of what they'd done. They were so proud and have started their year 7 at secondary school with a confidence they didn't have before.

Oh and DS hasn't helped to change his bed since but that's my fault!

Let her go. She'll love it or loathe it but she'll learn from it.

OP I sympathise with you. You do have concerns and it's understandable that you're feeling this way as your dd has never done a residential trip before. Try to ignore the harsher comments on here. Listen to what the main (kinder) comments have been saying though. I was actually worried sick about my dc going on their first ever trips away (in p4 at the time) I so didn't want them to go; but I never let them know that and I did always let them go. I just couldn't let my anxiety issues affect their lives. You know what? They enjoyed it immensely and it really, really helped their confidence. Dd is definitely not outdoorsy and both dc are fussy eaters. Ds has Asd and he coped well as the teachers were great with him. Is there an information evening at school? You should have a quiet word with one of the teachers and let them know your fears. It may help to reassure you a bit more?

I was quite nervous about my ds going on his y6 residential. Which was pretty daft, because I went to boarding school at a year older where I had to make my own bed, look after my stuff, eat what I was given, do plenty of chores AND didn’t see my parents for 6-12 weeks at a time. Makes 5 days look pitiful!

Ds didn’t enjoy his residential that much (he’s really not one for taking responsibility for himself) but I think it was very good for him and I shall certainly be encouraging him to go on the next one even if he doesn’t want to.

Oh and he did have to put his own sheet and duvet cover etc on, I just taught him before he left. And then wondered why I wasn’t already getting him to do his own bed!

Let her go!

When I went on mine, I didn’t like much of the food, hated the outdoors and doing anything physical. My parents said the same about me, but being there with all my friends made it one of the best experiences I had as a child!

Plus she’ll feel so left out when her friends come back and talk about what an amazing time they all had.

Seems pretty unanimous!

Incidentally you won't need to entertain her for the week. Legally she will need to be in school and the poor girl will spend the week feeling thoroughly left out.

Don't let her go.

You'll regret it.

My ds went on a similar trip at school.
He wasn't that keen but went anyway.

He loved it.

Then my indoorsy, quiet, book loving boy changed.

He became determined, started training became the best he could be.

Physically and mentally.

He signed up at 18.
Became a royal marine.
He is loving life.

I however, drink too much gin and worry constantly.

All because of a school trip.

How do you expect her to ever like anything if you don't let her try? I'm so glad my mum never had this attitude.
Let her figure it out for herself and stop standing in her way

StrawberryAlarmClock is right. Any kids who didn't go on the residential had to go into year 5 for project work and the parents paid for some trips to local beauty spots, museums etc.

I couldn't make a bed either when I was your DD's age. But I learned the basics on that trip.

One of my friends didn't go (not out of choice, her parents couldn't afford it) and she was absolutely gutted.

Attached are some photographs which you may find of interest - www.bing.com/images/search?q=child+wrapped+in+bubble+wrsp&id=AA716B5D8C3ACC390C973B0BC4A868D2E9FDE2F2&FORM=IQFRBA spend your money on that instead, wrap her up (not forgetting a helmet) pop her into her bedroom and lock the door until she's 40 - job done.

I think your DD will really resent you if you don't let her go. She wants to! If you don't let her because of your own worries then all she's going to hear is how great it was, all the funny stories and be feeling really left out. I went on loads of residentials including yr 6 one, and even when we moved to secondary school all my friends still talked about theirs (different primaries) because it was something fun we all had in common.

I can't believe a reason you think she shouldn't go is because she might have to make her own bed! I think unless there is SEN all 10 year olds are capable of making a bed. Just teach her! You sound really precious and that won't do your DD any favours.

They will be used to nervous DC, non outdoorsy DC, fussy DC, homesick DC etc. They will know how to deal with these things. Your DD will have a great time, it would be really really unfair of you to not let her go when she wants to. She might not be outdoorsy but she might find that actually theres lots of outsoors activities she enjoys she's just never tried them. Plus she will have a great time with all her friends.

OP - Be honest with yourself - you're desperately looking for reasons for her NOT to go! It will do BOTH of you the world of good - LET HER GO!

In fact, don't just let her go, but send her off with enthusiasm & a happy face!

As a parent who's been through it & a teacher of year 6 children, I promise you that she'll be fine!!