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Original poster

school trip

408 replies

sunshineNdaisies · 30/08/2018 17:11

DD is in her final year of primary school here in Scotland and every year they go on a residential trip. I don't want DD to go. DH thinks she should. She's 10, not 11 til end of January.

It's for 5 days, mon-fri at an outdoor education centre. They will be doing things in all weathers like canoeing, abseiling, walks, cycling etc. I've looked up the venue and it's 6 kids to a room, shared toilets/showers, middle of nowhere. The food menu example is all things my DD will hate. No vending machines, no mobile phones allowed, no calls to parents, not allowed to bring own sweets.

It'll be mid November - so very likely to be rainy, cold, windy, lots of midgies.

I know my DD. She's not outdoorsy at all. If there's no food she likes, she wont eat or survive on bread and butter. She will hate the rain, wind etc. She thinks she can take her phone so she can call us - she can't. I can see her being very homesick and upset. Two of the three teachers in charge are teachers that neither DD or myself like. Also, I fully expect my DD to start her periods soon, all the signs are there.

DD says she wants to go but this is because 'all her friends are going'. The cost is £320 and I'd much rather spend this money doing something that DD will actually enjoy, not spending that money only for DD to come home in tears which I'm 99% certain will happen.

DH and his parents think I should let her go for 'the experience' and 'she might end up liking it'. I'm being made to feel like a big baddy.

Also what can I do with DD during that week instead as DH has no annual leave left for us to take her somewhere else.

OP posts:
Itchytights · 30/08/2018 21:01

This isn’t about you.

If she wants to go then let her go.

scoobyd2 · 30/08/2018 21:01

OP as a child I was dragged on outdoor holidays by my parents - I ruddy hated it. But I did a school trip (admittedly slightly older than your DD, I was 15) to Wales, staying in youth hostels, and for some unexplained reason, I loved it! I recall me and one other short-sighted girl, both wore glasses, trying to find our way downhill in the pouring rain, blind as bats, 'guided' by the accident-prone baby of the group, I lost track of how many times we tumbled downhill ! OK it took me another 10 years to get back outdoors, but it stuck with me.(oh and this was about 1985, before Health and Safety took over Grin )

The key thing is she says she wants to go. But you probably understand at this point all the things she may not like. So what about booking yourselves into a Youth Hostel for a weekend - dorm accommodation, probably a set menu for supper, agree no mobiles (if there is even reception/wifi) etc - she'll have you with her, but may help give her an idea of what it's going to be like and help eliminate some of the fears she (or you) may have. Don't know where in Scotland you are, but you don't have to go to the back of beyond, somewhere like Crianlarich would be perfect.

kaytee87 · 30/08/2018 21:06

I still remember my p7 trip to garelochhead, it was brilliant fun. No one had mobiles, I was a fussy eater, we all survived and strengthened friendships that took us into secondary school.
You're doing your daughter a disservice if you don't let her go.

CripsSandwiches · 30/08/2018 21:20

You'd be SOOOO unreasonable to not let her go. Protecting DC from every possible unpleasant experience is one of the worst ways of preparing them for adult life.

She may actually surprise you and enjoy the whole thing. If she goes, doesn't like the rain and wind and doesn't eat the food she'll cope absolutely fine and come back the stronger for it. Keeping her at home sends the message loud and clear that she wouldn't cope away from home comforts and mummy and daddy for a week.

museumum · 30/08/2018 21:25

I work with young people in early secondary school and the p7 residential is really really important for them. They talk about it for years after. It’s a big bonding convo when they go to S1 and meet kids from other schools, even kids who don’t enjoy the outdoors talk about it and bond over disliking it. It’s a rite of passage in fact.

JynxaSmoochum · 30/08/2018 21:34

I'm not going to reitterate what hundreds of other posters have unaminously said, but I'm finding the response quite refreshing about the benefits of an adventure like this.

We've got a generation that are losing touch with nature, adventure and independence. At the same time self-esteem is poor, mental health declining, public health declining. Loss of nature, adventure and independence is far from the only cause, but it is a significant factor. Experiences of being out of your comfort zone and trying something new can the most educational in a young life.

FreyaB84 · 30/08/2018 21:51

Given that she wants to go, I think you'd be very unfair to say no. You clearly don't want her to go and I don't know whether that's because the concerns you listed here are genuinely worrying you or because you just don't want to admit you'll miss her too much and are looking for any excuse. My only concern is that when you speak with your daughter about the trip, you'll make it sound as about appealing as food poisoning and she'll then decide she doesn't want to go and you can then rest easy claiming it was all her decision. Hopefully you'll take some of the great advice here!

I don't know how they organise the trip at your school but at my kids' primary, the Primary 7 residential is the first (and biggest) transition activity to prepare them for the move to secondary. All the children from the cluster primaries, who they'll be going to secondary school with, go together and are mixed up. Friendships are made that week that last well into secondary school. What a shame to miss that if it's the same at your daughter's school. Even if it's not, it's still a great chance to cement existing friendships and make new friends with classmates she's maybe not spoken too much before.

RE you keeping her off and doing something nice instead, don't bank on it. When my eldest was in P7, only 2 children from her year didn't go and they were put in P6 for the week.

Lookatyourwatchnow · 30/08/2018 21:54

Hilarious. And depressing.

Skarossinkplungerridesagain · 30/08/2018 21:57

Please don't be THAT parent. She'll be constantly embarrassed by you.

GnomeDePlume · 30/08/2018 22:13

At 10 some children are ready for these types of trip others arent. Just because they arent doesnt mean they wont be ready just a few years later. My DS was unwilling to go but got talked/browbeaten into going by the school. He didnt enjoy it. A few years later when he was 14 he was very happy to go on the first of many army cadet camps.

BertrandRussell · 30/08/2018 22:56

But this isn'r about the child not wanting to go.....

Budgiegirlbob · 30/08/2018 23:02

My DS was unwilling to go but got talked/browbeaten into going by the school

But this child wants to go. It's seems to be the OP's anxieties that are stopping her.

Mossend · 30/08/2018 23:08

I think you have to let her decide for herself on this one.

My 2 have both been on these residentials but our school go at the end of P6 instead of P7 and it's fri morning to Mon afternoon to an activity centre in Perthshire.
I didn't have any qualms about my eldest, they were ready for it.
My youngest on the other hand refuses to go to sleepovers, comes home from their grans during the night etc so I was really worried about them going but they were adamant they wanted to go.
They did like it, loved the activities and the food and being with their friends. I wouldn't say they loved the staying overnight but they didn't hate it either.

It really did their confidence the world of good.

The one thing our school insist on is no mobile phones, and I think that helps both the kids and adults. The teachers that go go every year and can judge if it is beneficial for the child to make a quick call home.

WidoWanky · 30/08/2018 23:10

I really wish i had had the money to allow mine to go. I have spent years trying to give them the confidence and independence their peers came home with.

Given my time again, i would find the money and send them.

Bobbybear10 · 30/08/2018 23:12

This is going to sound harsh,

Let her go and book yourself some therapy.

You are giving her plenty of issues that will make her life very unpleasant as she gets older.

You need to get some therapy and sort yourself out.

LEMtheoriginal · 30/08/2018 23:14

OP you could be me! I was so worried about my dd going on her year 6 residential am willing to bet i shed tears and thought shed be miserable.

She wasnt - she LOVED it and it did wonders for her confidence. She is a very clingy shy wee thing. So much so that she begged to go on residential in italy WHITE WATER RAFTING Shock i was besides myself and started a thread aibu to cancel the trip. Well guess what - she went and she bloody loved it. Yes there were tears as some of the activities were at height and she was scared. She couldnt complete the abseil but got an award for trying. She now knows abseiling isnt for her Grin but she loved this holiday and im so proud of her. I difnt think for one minute she would be amything other than miserable.

It does help i think that we camp regularly but dd is far from dporty or outdoirsy and doesnt do cold!

The people who run these trips are trained to help encourage kids to step out if their comfort zone but they wont ever force them.

Let her go.

Fwiw she will still have to attend school if she doesnt go.

ashtrayheart · 30/08/2018 23:19

The potential benefits are immense. Trips like these are character building, friendship bonding, skill enhancing and increase resilience. She is likely to try foods she wouldn't entertain at home as well. The comment about periods possibly starting is a flimsy excuse.
She wants to go!!!
I would definitely let her go.

LooksBetterWithAFilter · 30/08/2018 23:21

Seriously let her go. Both my oldest two went on their P7 residential and both had reason to have an awful time. Dd has some sn and had a huge meltdown in the morning of leaving. She had an absolute ball and did some things way out her usual comfort zone. It did her confidence the world of good.
Ds1 went last year he is extremely shy and had never stayed anywhere apart from home or my parents house he wouldn’t do sleepovers at all. He’s not outdoorsy and is the fussiest water you’ve ever met. He said he missed us but was happy sharing his cabin with his friends, he did mostly live on bread and the masses of fruit I’d packed him and my terrified of water done did canoeing and paddle boarding.

She wants to go you are doing her absolutely no favours by not letting her go. One way or another she will get so much out of this. She will love the experience and might even find some outdoor pursuits she enjoys.

Starlight345 · 30/08/2018 23:33

Op . One thing I don’t understand is why you overide what you Dd and her Df want.

I can tell yo I n my job as a cm kids tend to eat far better with me than at home.

I also see you trying to put her off . You have months to teach her to make a bed, at year 6 they are far more interested in their mates than teachers .

Let her go.

MidniteScribbler · 30/08/2018 23:38

No vending machines, no mobile phones allowed, no calls to parents, not allowed to bring own sweets.

Oh my gosh, someone better call the human rights commission! How ever will children survive? It's absolute child abuse! Imagine expecting children to actually live without a phone for a few days and go outside. Horror!

helacells · 30/08/2018 23:38

Let her go, she'll have a blast. Sometimes we have to let our kids be a little uncomfortable its character building

Spongeface · 30/08/2018 23:40

Not rtft but I think because she wants to go should go! I hope it's benmore where I went cos we had a disco on the last night! Ps will be no midges in Nov

Cupoteap · 30/08/2018 23:43

That's what the pair of you think...what does she want to do?

Re the food they don't let them starve these days, mostly there are a few options

User467 · 30/08/2018 23:46

Midges in November.....have you ever gone out in Scotland in November? You'd be more likely to be bitten by a flying pig than a midge.

You're making excuses. You don't want her to go. She wants to go.

Janleverton · 30/08/2018 23:50

My ds came back from his yr 6 residential eating about 5 new foods - previously didn’t like pasta, mashedor baked potatoes (which was a pain in the arse) but suddenly this was all ok. And is now the one ordering adventurous food on holidays and in restaurants.