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Original poster

school trip

408 replies

sunshineNdaisies · 30/08/2018 17:11

DD is in her final year of primary school here in Scotland and every year they go on a residential trip. I don't want DD to go. DH thinks she should. She's 10, not 11 til end of January.

It's for 5 days, mon-fri at an outdoor education centre. They will be doing things in all weathers like canoeing, abseiling, walks, cycling etc. I've looked up the venue and it's 6 kids to a room, shared toilets/showers, middle of nowhere. The food menu example is all things my DD will hate. No vending machines, no mobile phones allowed, no calls to parents, not allowed to bring own sweets.

It'll be mid November - so very likely to be rainy, cold, windy, lots of midgies.

I know my DD. She's not outdoorsy at all. If there's no food she likes, she wont eat or survive on bread and butter. She will hate the rain, wind etc. She thinks she can take her phone so she can call us - she can't. I can see her being very homesick and upset. Two of the three teachers in charge are teachers that neither DD or myself like. Also, I fully expect my DD to start her periods soon, all the signs are there.

DD says she wants to go but this is because 'all her friends are going'. The cost is £320 and I'd much rather spend this money doing something that DD will actually enjoy, not spending that money only for DD to come home in tears which I'm 99% certain will happen.

DH and his parents think I should let her go for 'the experience' and 'she might end up liking it'. I'm being made to feel like a big baddy.

Also what can I do with DD during that week instead as DH has no annual leave left for us to take her somewhere else.

OP posts:
Nandocushion · 30/08/2018 19:18

My reluctant and unoutdoorsy 10yo is on one of these trips right now. No screens or Fortnite for five days, gasp! They saw a moose on the first day and I just saw a photo of him getting ready to dig into a massive bowl of ice cream. Send her. She'll have a chance to work it out and learn how to when things aren't exactly to her liking, and she'll learn about some new things that are.

LaContessaDiPlump · 30/08/2018 19:18

If she's likely to hate all the food then send her with a Tupperware box full of flapjacks - that'll get her through a week; alternatively she may choose to share them with her friends, which will at least be a bonding experience.

She'll prob feel worse if she doesn't go and they all come back laughing and talking about it and she's left out. She will also blame you when that happens. Be told.

cantkeepawayforever · 30/08/2018 19:19

We have, in all the years of me taking residentials, had 3 children who didn't go. 2 had recently had operations or had injuries which made it impossible.

1 was exactly like your DD, and encouraged to be so by her parents. She regretted it hugely, so much so that she was a passionate and effective advocate for going when a couple of children wobbled about it the following year.

Anyone not going cannot take it as a holiday. Any child who doesn't go spends the time in the year below, working through worksheets or doing the class below's work for the week. It's not fun.

keyboardjellyfish · 30/08/2018 19:19

I am like your DD- not outdoorsy, thought I would have hated this kind of thing. My last year of primary trip was just what I needed! Send her.

tillytrotter1 · 30/08/2018 19:21

It sounds like your daughter takes her lead from you, teachers who you and your daughter dislike for example. This is a great way to see those teachers in a different light, trips like this can be good for everyone. I recall my first job involved taking my form up to the Dales for a week, boy did I see a different side of them! The roughest kids were the ones to go to when a dirty job needed doing, not the posher ones and that was way beyond millenials, they must be in their 50s now!

Bookvan · 30/08/2018 19:21

Op let her go.
Can you imagine how upset she'll be the morning of the trip when all her friends are at school with their suitcases and she's left behind.
My dd is similar, picky eater, not into outdoorsy things. She went on a similar yr 6 trip and had the best time ever. She came back exhausted, filthy, but she had so much fun. She tried new foods, she abseiled down a bridge, she went white water rafting, hiking, kayaking, orienteering, caving, things I'd never be able to do with her. She wasn't homesick at all (even I was surprised at that), she learnt to take responsibility for her belongings and she has lovely memories of it.

You have to let them try new things and this is a safe and fun way to do that.

KnotsInMay · 30/08/2018 19:21

She wants to go, it is the big Yr 6 trip, and you are just oozing negativity. Did you show her the (sample) menu to try and out her off?

Honestly? It sounds as if you are doing everything to restrict her to her limitations rather than encouraging her to extend her boundaries and confidence.

Tne school have been running this for years: is your Dd somehow physically different from all the others who have abseiled in November? They will kit them out in quality hard weather gear.

You need to supper her to develop some resilience, not pour cold water over her interest in this trip.

woodfires · 30/08/2018 19:23

OP I went to Ardentinny thirty odd years ago and I still remember it. You are not doing your dd any favours by excluding her from this trip, as well as the trip itself there will lots of build up to it and then lots of chat about it afterwards.
Also have you tried going outside in Scotland in mid November at all? There aren't going to be lots of midges.

Anasnake · 30/08/2018 19:24

What a crying shame that you're behaving like this when she wants to go. Poor kid.

Trialsmum · 30/08/2018 19:24

All the reasons you give for her not to go are the reasons that she should go. And you need to not spoil it for her.

NotAnotherHeffalump · 30/08/2018 19:25

My 9 year old went on a week long residential this summer (with church, not school). He knew 2 other kids, not 26 others. No phone or contact. Loads of outdoor activities. I was a bit nervous for him, but he LOVED it! He's literally counting down the days until next summers camp.

You need to let go a bit. So what if she has to sleep on a single bed? Is it really a big deal If she gets bitten by a November midgie? Maybe she'll come home a bit less fussy about what she eats, she definitely won't starve to death.

AnExcellentUsername · 30/08/2018 19:26

OP it's obvious that you have zero intention of sending her so what's even the point of this post?

cansu · 30/08/2018 19:26

tbh in most residentials th children whose parents were most worried about how they would cope were fine! They love the whole sharing rooms and being independent. She won't be the only one who isn't that sporty and will probably have a good time. I think you should listen to her.

Artichoke18 · 30/08/2018 19:27

The p7 camp is pretty much all the p6s talk about. She will enjoy it and IF she doesn’t it’s only a week. She will be glad to have been through it it just so she can share in the memories.

covetingthepreciousthings · 30/08/2018 19:27

She wants to go.. you should let her go.
Your DD will resent you if you don't let her go.

PhilomenaButterfly · 30/08/2018 19:28

I was desperate to go on a PGL holiday as a child. My family told me I wouldn't like it. I've never forgiven them.

Notonthestairs · 30/08/2018 19:30

I thought you were taking the pee when you referred to making a bed up as an obstacle to attending. Was that serious?
Come on Op - encourage her and stop looking for giant mosquitos in November!

JupiterBelle · 30/08/2018 19:30

If she wants to go just send her. She’ll be fine. The teachers won’t let her starve and if she’s upset/worried she’ll be able to call you.

It’s the children that parents think will least enjoy it that often get the most out of these trips!

Teacher here who has done 7years in a row of these trips!!

woodfires · 30/08/2018 19:32

Also if she doesn't go OP she won't get to stay at home with you, it is still school term time, she will have to spend the week with a younger class.

rednsparkley · 30/08/2018 19:33

My DS went on the school residential. He is Aspergers and on paper it should have been everything he hates.

I encouraged him to go. He loved it. They catered for his food issues and he joined in with all the activities.

I would advise your dd to go. It will be a good experience for her and she will gain a lot from it

Feefeetrixabelle · 30/08/2018 19:34

Used to work for an outdoor ed centre- let her go. You don’t know until she’s there and doing it whether it’s for her or not. I’ve seen all kinds of kids blossom in an outdoor ed environment.

Notwhoyouthink35 · 30/08/2018 19:38

If you continue with this sort of parenting your daughter will end up having issues. The whole point of these residential trips is to put children out of their comfort zone. She might learn to like the outdoors and eat strange food while she is there.

Let her go.

SassitudeandSparkle · 30/08/2018 19:40

OP, if your DD wants to go I would let her.

I do have some sympathy, I worried about my own DD going away - she is a very picky eater (will starve rather than eat something she doesn't like) so yes, we did go through the menu for that week so she could see there were bits she would like and she was fine with the food.

Took sleeping bags and pillows, I spoke to the teachers about san pro and they carry spares with them so made sure that DD could ask anyone if she ran out (did take some in case).

I had a thread on here moaning about the cost of the trip but - she went, she enjoyed it, had a go at everything. It was a good starter trip away from home as she's only been on one-night sleepovers before and had been eyeing up the foreign language trips at the secondary schools we viewed!

fleshmarketclose · 30/08/2018 19:40

My older daughter went on her school residential. She s the complete opposite to the sort of child you would expect to enjoy it. She would never willingly get cold,wet or dirty. Hates anything physical, very particular about food, hygiene etc. I had to buy clothes for her to go as she didn't ever (and still doesn't) wear trousers,trainers, leggings, jeans. She had no scruffy clothes as she always kept everything pristine. I packed her plenty of food in her case just in case.
She had a ball and loved every minute of it. Her clothes came back filthy, her hair wasn't immaculate as it usually was (but she had washed and showered which was more than some had) she was grinning.
It's about more than the activities it's about independence and team building and bonding that are good skills to learn in preparation for secondary.
Your daughter wants to go so she should be allowed to go IMO. She will learn new skills and might just discover a love of the outdoors.

Feefeetrixabelle · 30/08/2018 19:42

I’ve also seen kids who refused to eat anything but toast when shown the menu tucking into a stew on day 2. She will eat and even if all she eats is bread and butter she will survive (not that the teachers will allow that), you will find most centres will also make other food if needed.

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