school trip

[sunshineNdaisies]

DD is in her final year of primary school here in Scotland and every year they go on a residential trip. I don't want DD to go. DH thinks she should. She's 10, not 11 til end of January.

It's for 5 days, mon-fri at an outdoor education centre. They will be doing things in all weathers like canoeing, abseiling, walks, cycling etc. I've looked up the venue and it's 6 kids to a room, shared toilets/showers, middle of nowhere. The food menu example is all things my DD will hate. No vending machines, no mobile phones allowed, no calls to parents, not allowed to bring own sweets.

It'll be mid November - so very likely to be rainy, cold, windy, lots of midgies.

I know my DD. She's not outdoorsy at all. If there's no food she likes, she wont eat or survive on bread and butter. She will hate the rain, wind etc. She thinks she can take her phone so she can call us - she can't. I can see her being very homesick and upset. Two of the three teachers in charge are teachers that neither DD or myself like. Also, I fully expect my DD to start her periods soon, all the signs are there.

DD says she wants to go but this is because 'all her friends are going'. The cost is £320 and I'd much rather spend this money doing something that DD will actually enjoy, not spending that money only for DD to come home in tears which I'm 99% certain will happen.

DH and his parents think I should let her go for 'the experience' and 'she might end up liking it'. I'm being made to feel like a big baddy.

Also what can I do with DD during that week instead as DH has no annual leave left for us to take her somewhere else.

They're going to ardentinny. It looks really basic and cold inside and out

It looks fine. Yes, it’s basic, but it’s not a hotel, it’s a typical adventure centre. In fact, it looks better than some I’ve seen!

My DD is not at all clingy but as I said, she's not outdoorsy and is really only wanting to go because her BFs are going

And that’s a good reason to go! She might not be outdoorsy, but it does sound like she’s never had the chance to try being outdoorsy. She’ll probably have a good time BECAUSE her BFs are going.

I have some sympathy with how you feel, I appreciate you’ll worry. But it definitely seem to be YOUR anxieties rather than hers that are preventing her from going. You seem to be coming up with every excuse under the sun.

Would they have to put their own sheets, duvet and pillow covers on? I don't think DD or even any of her friends would do that easily?

at that age I would absolutely expect a child to be able to.
there is plenty of time to practice until they go.

op yabu
let her go. she will have a blast.

To be honest, even if you don't think she will enjoy it that much, I think she should go. It's part of the group experience for that age-group. Plus quite frankly, life is full of experiences that we don't all enjoy all the time, but we have to learn to deal with it, and learn to find the positives and make the best of things.

My DD went on the residential trip the last year of junior school - she shared a room with five others, three of whom she liked, two she didn't. But she coped with it. It never even occurred to me that her making a bed would be a problem - I've brought her up to be capable and self-sufficient, as I'm her mother, not her domestic. She didn't like all the food, but she coped and lived with it. She didn't enjoy all the activities. She didn't enjoy getting very wet and cold.

But despite all the above issues, she had a wonderful time, and she & her friends had a shared experience, which actually stood her in good stead for going on to secondary - I think it helped cement her resilience for coping with new and not always pleasant experiences. Plus they did have a lot of time with their friends in the evenings, for social time, which they all really enjoyed.

A child who can't cope with everything being perfect or going their way is going to have a hell of a time at secondary, which is quite a mental leap from junior.

Teach resilience, encourage independence, and help them find the positives. I like to help my DD to look at everything in life as an opportunity - even if it's full of things she doesn't enjoy that much, she learns more about herself and what she'd like to pursue in future.

It looks fine. Yes, it’s basic, but it’s not a hotel, it’s a typical adventure centre. In fact, it looks better than some I’ve seen!

Agree, it's much better looking than the place I was at in June with a bunch of Year 8 students, now that was basic! And we still had a blast.

I think it'd be really mean to not let her go if she wants to. She'll feel terrible when everyone comes back talking about how fun it was

on the food:

"At Ardentinny Centre, we do not offer cafeteria-style food. Instead, our visitors will get freshly made, delicious and nutritious food, especially chosen to keep energy levels high and provide a healthy diet. There will be plenty of food three times a day plus a small supper before bedtime. Usually, there will be a choice of two dishes, one of which will be suitable for vegetarians, but we can accommodate to any reasonable wishes or requirements."

Sounds dreadful. Jeezo. OP, you need a fucking massive grip, pronto.

You should send her. My 12 year old went on a similar trip when he was 10. He has autism and wasn't dry at night at the time. He had a great time. My 10 year-old is going in a couple of weeks. He is a wheelchair user and I'm not sure whether he will enjoy it or not but he wants to go so I'm encouraging him to give it a try.

She should go, and you need to let her. At the that age I used to get homesick so didn't go, and I've regretted it since because I'm still friends with a lot of my friends from that age and I missed out on what seems to have at least been fun and at most a right of passage! Plus if it's like mine she'll meet people she'll be going to high school with

I take a Year 6 class every year. There are always anxious children, and anxious parents. I can honestly hand-on-heart say that we have never had to send anyone home, and have never had anyone go home at the end saying that they didn't have an absolutely brilliant time.

We know what we're doing. We know how to jolly the homesick kids along. We know how to get the fussy kids to eat something. We know how to tempt the indoorsy kids to join in and love it so much they want to do it again.

The children write a diary entry for the trip when they get back, they all describe it as amazing.

Parents come to thank us afterwards because they never thought their kid would enjoy themselves.

Kids who left school ten years ago still talk about it when they bump into me.

Let her go - you'll be surprised what your indoorsy, fussy, clingy kid will achieve and it might be the making of her; she'll start to see herself as confident and capable and good at trying new things.

She wants to go, and your dh thinks she should go too ; let her go.

My DS did P7 residential as one of the youngest in the year so still 10 when he went. The whole year group had been planning and discussing it for months beforehand.
It's such a big part of P7 and the run up to it is full of planning and excitement. Even afterwards photos and stories are shared and in DS school it also featured heavily in the leavers events towards the end of the year.

By trying to encourage your DD not to go you aren't only letting her miss a Mon-Fri experience but she'll be missing out on something that lasts much longer and plays a huge part on that final year of primary.

I think the idea that she would be on holiday that week if she didn't go is a touch naive too. She'd probably be expected to be in school for that week, possibly working in a P6 class.

My DS has a complex health condition and if I'm honest I would have loved to have camped in the car park to make sure he was safe and being looked after.

I didn't do that. What I did do was enable him to be as independent as possible and put my trust in those on the trip to ensure they kept a watchful eye.

They honestly gain so much from the experience. Often confident, able kids realise they are scared of something and quiet, nervous ones realise they can do things that they would never have believed.
It's massively character building and they all learn a lot about themselves and each other.

Support her in her decision to go.

OP: AIBU?

Everyone: Yes!

OP: But...

Everyone: You're still BU

OP: But...

Everyone: U! U! U!

I think your husband is right and she SHOULD go. She doesn't need special mummy coddling, she needs to go off with her mates and without worrying about you for the week.

There are multiple replies saying the same thing.
But more reasons keep appearing as to why u think not -the duvet one is ridiculous. My DD's never put a duvet cover on at home but both did so at these things. I never taught them

I think you should let her go if she wants to. She'll either surprise you and enjoy it, or she'll learn a very valuable life lesson.

By all means keep her at home. But don't expect her to thank you when all her friends are non stop talking about the trip, are on the trip and then doing nothing but talking about what happened on the trip. It will be part of the curriculum for the term and mentioned repeatedly in school.

She's going to feel excluded and babyfied.

But I get the feeling that's just how you like her to feel..................

OP, I take children away on residentials.

Tbjh, it's not for the outdoorsy ones, the ones we know will have these experiences with family or Cubs / Brownies. It's not for the confident children.

The reason we do it - and it is hard work as a member of staff, especially as i have my own children at home - is for children EXACTLY like your DD. The ones for whom it is a challenge - a manageable challenge, but a challenge. The ones who have never done anything like it before. The ones who really do something new. That's who we do it for, and that's who makes it worthwhile, every single time.

The only thing I would say is that relatively sedentary, indoors families tend to misjudge clothing, simply because they don't have the experience on which to base it. (One year we had a very cold residential with some snow. The best equipped child, by far, was the one whose dad worked outdoors and so had some idea of what it would be like). Don't go for lots of fiddly 'bits' of scarves with pompoms. Get good, warm base layers / skins, warm leggings hat can also be worn in layers, several layers of thin fleece tops, a good windproof waterproof jacket with a hood and good elasticated cuffs, and waterproof (possibly even fleece-lined) over trousers, plus decent walking boots or solid trainers (follow advice on those). Good warm gloves with fingers, and a close-fitting warm fleece hat or similar. Thin socks and thicker socks, lots of pairs. You can probably borrow most of it from a family whose child went the previous year, but being warm and dry through appropriate clothing will probably make the most difference to your child's enjoyment.

Oh dear, I feel quite sorry for your DD. She's a real princess isn't she? No sweets, no phone, too cold, can't make a bed up, can't live without vending machines, can't share a room, will only eat bread and butter if her favourite foods aren't available.
OP, in another 6 years, she will be old enough to have sex, leave home, get married, have a baby. In 7 years, to drive a car. In 8 years to get absolutely pissed as a fart in public.
You need to cut her lose, push her out into the world to live it fully, experience discomfort, know her absolute limits, build her resilience. Otherwise, you'll be a big fail as a parent.

OP get a grip...

Everything you have said its because YOU dont want her to go - because YOU dont think she will cope...

She wants to go - with her friends which is so important....

Let her go - if she hates it - you will know for next time - if you dont let her go trust me she will remember it!!!

I remember my residentials - 20 years ago!!

Stop thinking of reasons why YOU dont think she could go

Fucking hell. You have 3 months to teach her how to put a bloody duvet cover on. You should be embarrassed about that comment, it use it as a reason she shouldn’t go to camp.

Let. Her. Go. And DO NOT spend the next 3 months telling her how much she’ll hate it. Stop projecting, stop assuming you know better than her what she wants to do and stop being so bloody ridiculous.

Pay. Smile. Tell her what a BRILLIANTLY time she’ll have, because she WILL.

I really didn’t want to send my dad eorher. I couldn’t sleep for worry. My dd is a strict vegetarian and I had the same concerns as you.

I bit back my worries and she went (I didn’t sleep all week!) she had the most amazing time and loved being with her friends. Are didn’t even miss me she was too busy and having too much fun.

You can’t hold her back, all her friends will bond together and she will not only be left out, but she may grow to resent you putting your feelings before hers.

Grit your teeth, smile and be positive.

*But don't expect her to thank you when all her friends are non stop talking about the trip, are on the trip and then doing nothing but talking about what happened on the trip. It will be part of the curriculum for the term and mentioned repeatedly in school.

She's going to feel excluded and babyfied*

I just wanted to make a point here that this isn’t always the case.

The trip DD went on didn’t form part of the term’s work. Plus DD’s friends were kind enough not to exclude her - school made it very clear that DD wouldn’t be treated any differently

dd either

I'm sensing "OP's daughter is an only child”

Fuck right off with your shitty judgement.

Anyway, op, I'm afraid I'm with pretty much everyone else in thinking yabu. I've lost count of how many school residentials I've been on, they've all been to places like this and the kids have absolutely had a ball. Trust me, it's so good for them, they challenge themselves and do stuff they may never do again, it's such an amazing achievement for them when they accomplish something they have never done before.
You are obviously worried but you're holding her back.

It’s a big thing but she’ll be with her friends and she wants to go!

It would be such a shame for her to miss out on the build up and discussions afterwards.

Re the bed-yes she might be expected to make it and I’m sure she would be able to but if it was an utter disaster someone would help her out/either a teacher or a more capable friend.

Or they might take sleeping bags.

She might hate bits of it or she might not but even if she does it’s stjll something to talk about with her friends.

My dd is the most accident prone person you could ever meet but goes on every brownie,guide,school camp we throw at her without accident!
I honestly think you just don’t want her to go. Otherwise why show her the menu. As pp’s have said she will eat-they do when their friends are (brownie leader here). Extreme food averaions can be accommodated.
Periods can be dealt with-its no different to her starting in the middle of the school day. The teachers would be the ones to help her then.
The most important thing is that she wants to go so if you can afford it then let her.