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AIBU?

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Original poster

school trip

408 replies

sunshineNdaisies · 30/08/2018 17:11

DD is in her final year of primary school here in Scotland and every year they go on a residential trip. I don't want DD to go. DH thinks she should. She's 10, not 11 til end of January.

It's for 5 days, mon-fri at an outdoor education centre. They will be doing things in all weathers like canoeing, abseiling, walks, cycling etc. I've looked up the venue and it's 6 kids to a room, shared toilets/showers, middle of nowhere. The food menu example is all things my DD will hate. No vending machines, no mobile phones allowed, no calls to parents, not allowed to bring own sweets.

It'll be mid November - so very likely to be rainy, cold, windy, lots of midgies.

I know my DD. She's not outdoorsy at all. If there's no food she likes, she wont eat or survive on bread and butter. She will hate the rain, wind etc. She thinks she can take her phone so she can call us - she can't. I can see her being very homesick and upset. Two of the three teachers in charge are teachers that neither DD or myself like. Also, I fully expect my DD to start her periods soon, all the signs are there.

DD says she wants to go but this is because 'all her friends are going'. The cost is £320 and I'd much rather spend this money doing something that DD will actually enjoy, not spending that money only for DD to come home in tears which I'm 99% certain will happen.

DH and his parents think I should let her go for 'the experience' and 'she might end up liking it'. I'm being made to feel like a big baddy.

Also what can I do with DD during that week instead as DH has no annual leave left for us to take her somewhere else.

OP posts:
Thesearepearls · 30/08/2018 23:54

Bonkers thread really

I can't figure out why the OP is being like this. Is it the money? There's no shame in saying you haven't got the money. But that's not what you're saying.

I don't get this. Is this a thread posted by a massively over protective Mum?

For me though I knew my kids would hate camping and what have you, I always allowed these trips. Most of the time they came back with a thoroughgoing hatred of camping. I wouldn't have minded how they came back. It was just an issue of broadening their experiences and developing their life skills

I don't think the OP is much of a parent TBH if she's not going to allow going on school trips even when money is not an issue.

BackforGood · 30/08/2018 23:56

How sad. I feel really sad for your dd.
You don't want her to go. She does want to go.
You should be encouraging her and thinking of ways to resolve any possible issues, rather than limiting her and preventing her from enjoying this rite of passage that all her peers will be going to.
Stop making it all about you.
Not sure why you wishes trump both your dh's and your dd's.

mummyhaschangedhername · 31/08/2018 00:13

I was very much like that as a child and my mother was very over protective. I really would shy away from anything like that and while I liked the idea of these things, when push cane to shove I always didn't want to and my parents never encouraged it so it didn't happen.

I really wish they had pushed me to be more adventurous now. It took a very long time for me to try new things including foods, experiences etc ... I missed out on so many experiences and opportunities. It is a lot of money so understand that aspect but equally it's an experience, perhaps she will hate it but that's still experience. She will remember the time she went to the trip and hated the rain, and survived on bread and butter and had to hike in the rain.

I learnt a lot about myself in the experiences I didn't enjoy. I learnt I could do hard things, I learnt I didn't like some things, I learnt that nothing lasts forever.

My own kids now have things they don't like, and sometimes I push them to experience new things. Some of those things become their new favourite thing and others they still don't like but it's all about experience. My eldest really didn't want to do swimming lessons and now he absolutely loves it! None of my 4 wanted to go to a motorsport event at Silverstone and none of them were overly impressed afterwards but it's an experience and it's memories.

Let her go, give her those experiences and memories even if she doesn't enjoy it.

Lunde · 31/08/2018 00:14

I feel very sorry for your DD - she wants to have an experience and try new things, she wants to be with her friends. But instead of supporting her and telling her that you have confidence in her you are trying to talk her out of it and throwing up obstacles that show you don't trust her ability to cope. How must this make her feel that even her own mum doesn't support her?

So instead of being at the centre of the major school event she will be one of those kids forced to go to school and do school work instead. And when they all come back and the major talking point for the next months is the trip - she will be left out and not a part of her friends' shared experiences and bonding.

oldsockeater · 31/08/2018 00:20

Is this a joke thread? Can't believe how many people are falling for it. No way could any parent be this ridiculous

TheHollowLeggedGoat · 31/08/2018 00:31

You're being ridiculously over protective OP. If she wants to go, you should be encouraging her to challenge herself and try all these new things and see how she copes without you. My DDs weren't particularly confident or outdoorsy, but they both had the time of their lives on their Y6 residential - it made the cost, which had seemed steep beforehand, seem utterly reasonable when I saw how much fun and camaraderie they had enjoyed, and how they had grown as people when they returned.
Plus, if every other kid is going, your DD will feel very left out of all the in-jokes and funny stories when the rest of the class return, and it could affect her social networks in Year 6.
One last thing - you ask what can I do with DD during that week instead as DH has no annual leave left for us to take her somewhere else - are you sure she wouldn't be expected to report to School as usual during the week, and be put in with another class? - as that is what happens at my school. It's marked as "unauthorised absence" for anyone who doesn't turn up.

CrispbuttyNo1 · 31/08/2018 00:35

I work at a place just like the one your daughter is going to. Just at the other end of the uk.

I am the chef, and can assure you we never let a child starve, and believe me we get some fussy eaters. But if they only want a jacket potato with cheese, or beans on toast, then I will make it for them. But 9 times out of 10, by the second day they are happily eating what their friends are eating, and have a great appetite after the days activities.

Speaking of the activities. They are run by qualified instructors who want the children to have fun. It’s not a boot camp, it’s about team building and learning new skills, and even the non “outdoorsy” types enjoy it. The instructors are great with nervous kids and nobody will be forced to do anything if they are scared.

Yes, they have to make their own beds, they have to put their dirty plates on the trolley, take turns wiping the tables after meals. But they aren’t asked to do anything that is beyond their age group.

It’s one of the best parts of my job having the kids come up to me at the end of the week telling me how much they have enjoyed it.

We get quite a few who come back with their families during school holidays.

sillysausage16 · 31/08/2018 00:39

My ds has been on 3 residentials aged 8 9 and 11.

The memories from these trips will be treasured forever. They are so well looked after at the centres. All the staff are so experienced.

Yes I cried the first time but I knew he would have the time of his life Grin

sillysausage16 · 31/08/2018 00:41

Ps you should be encouraging her independence, not putting her off from going

SpareASquare · 31/08/2018 00:47

Can guarantee that you are causing way more damage to your dd than a 5 day trip, that she wants to go on, will.

How much time do you have? To whisper in her ear about all the things she'll hate? To tell her every single negative thing about the trip? To convince her that she's not 'strong' enough or 'capable' enough to do something her friends are doing?

Way to instil confidence in your child OP.

obviousNC101 · 31/08/2018 00:50

This is pathetic. If you are trying to shield her from every single upset in life you're setting her up for failure. She wants to go, let her. Stop being so overbearing and pathetic

Jeanclaudejackety · 31/08/2018 00:50

Is this even real??! You should eb encouraging your dd out of her comfort zone. That's what life's all about. In 6 short years she'll be off to uni.

As for the fussy eating, I'd be knocking that on the head too.

Jeanclaudejackety · 31/08/2018 00:54

Also hundreds of thousands of kids survive Scotland in November it's not a Siberian gulag it's not even that cold in the grand scheme of things. I mucked out horses, hacked for hours, played golf etc aged 10-15 on Xmas trips to see family in Oban and I didn't freeze to death

HSMMaCM · 31/08/2018 01:04

My DD sounds similar to yours. She went on her residential trip and LOVED it. Please start saying positive things about it and let her go.

CarolDanvers · 31/08/2018 01:13

My dd didn't go. I kept her off and we went to Center Parcs instead. It was the right decision for her. She wouldn't have coped.

Beeziekn33ze · 31/08/2018 01:27

CarolDanvers - DC often surprise us, your DD might have coped very well, you didn't give her the chance to find out.

RaspberryRuffless · 31/08/2018 01:35

Is this actually for real? A parent would genuinely hold a child back from doing something because they won’t have a double bed, sweets or a mobile phone?! Every time the OP replies, it sounds like a whiny child.

If this is real, let her go if she wants to go. It doesn’t matter if she’s “not outdoorsy”, you might find she’ll enjoy it since she’ll be with her friends.

I’m sure she’ll last the few days sleeping in a single bed and not having sweets.

CarolDanvers · 31/08/2018 01:44

I did actually on another shorter trip previously. She didn't manage and I wasn't going to pay £500 for her not to manage the next one, only a few months later.

ThistleAmore · 31/08/2018 02:03

For all of the many, MANY problems I have with the OP, the one my head keeps coming back round to is the 'midges in November' thing.

Lady, there ARE NO MIDGES IN NOVEMBER. Of all the possible challenges you may face in Scotland in November, midges are not, and never will be, one of them.

I walk, climb, run and camp all year round. Trust me, as long as you've got good skins and a 4-season sleeping bag, November's actually one of the kinder months at low levels in Scotland.

The OP says 'here in Scotland', which really confuses me, because it makes me think she must live in Scotland (as I do), but is unaware that midges really aren't a thing in November, which then makes me wonder - does this person ever leave their house after early October?

If they don't, then it answers a lot of the other questions I have...

Monday55 · 31/08/2018 02:42

There's no way of knowing she won't cope unless she actually goes through with it. This time she'll have her friends for comfort instead of you OP.

.
Stop manipulating her with the menu and other random nonsense. She told you she wants to go. She's feeling brave enough to go, you should be proud.

Purpleartichoke · 31/08/2018 03:02

My Dd is incredibly picky. She has been on trips where she ate nothing but bread, butter and dessert for days. I still don’t regret sending her. The experience is worthwhile. She has gotten to do things on these overnights that would not be the same if they had happened with mom and dad.

I feed her a bunch of protein before she leaves and we plan on stopping for a meal immediately at pickup.

PinkLady01 · 31/08/2018 03:31

When she gets there she’ll eat the food because her friends will be, deal with the cold because of all the fun activities the qualified instructors are teaching and get no sleep because they’re staying up to have a midnight feast.

It sounds like you’re mollycoddling her or looking for an excuse to spend the money on something that will benefit you instead Hmm

Monty27 · 31/08/2018 03:44

She will love it and learn life long skills.
She will also be looked after. She must go.
If there's a problem staff will call you.
Let her go Smile

AuntieFesterAdams · 31/08/2018 03:45

Let her go. Especially if she wants to.
My kids have been on several of these (rite of passage in Australian schools) and they first go aged 8.

DD1 was scared about being away from home at night, but her friends were great and supportive, apparently the food was awful (nothing compares to mum's cooking!!) but she was still alive.
Both DDs say the activities were amazing and it was fun that the instructors made the teachers join in. The instructors do this all day every day and know what they are doing.

The kids come home full of excitement and tales.

Ihavethepower · 31/08/2018 04:17

I don't know what to suggest for what else to do with her in November if she hates cold, rain, being outdoors and can't eat anything on entire menus.