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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this woman was far ruder than me!

267 replies

YeOldeFishWife · 30/08/2018 15:37

Feeling a bit upset as this took place in front of my DS.

I was coming out of a shop and stopped at the front to put my purse in my bag. A woman approached with her DC to enter the shop. I admit I was blocking the entrance. She huffed a bit and walked around me, this got my back up a bit so as I walked off I said to DS, 'she only needed to say excuse me'.

The woman then shouted after me, 'no I didn't need to say excuse me at all'.

I saw red at this point and shouted that she had no manners, she said nor do you and called me a stupid cow.

I'm rather shocked and embarrassed my comment escalated to this and it shook me up tbh.

She didn't need to shout after me.

AIBU?

OP posts:
PoisonousSmurf · 30/08/2018 16:06

I think your behavior would have looked like CF. No wonder she had a go!

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 30/08/2018 16:06

Why should she have to walk around you or wait for you to move? Yes it's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things but people standing in the entrance of somewhere is annoying.

SausageOnAFork · 30/08/2018 16:06

I think it's disgusting she called me a name in front of her DC and mine.

I think making snide underhand comments to your dc about her is worse.

If you are going to act like you are 5 then I’m going to have to say that you started it.

Brambleboo · 30/08/2018 16:06

You were rude to block the doorway. If she'd pushed you out of the way, a snide commrnt might've been ok, but this doesn't appear to have been the case.

colditz · 30/08/2018 16:06

I think it's disgusting that you engineered a confrontation with a complete stranger in front of your dc and hers, actually.

When you think about how upset your son is about this, bear in mind that you caused it.

DewDropsonKittens · 30/08/2018 16:07

You blocked the door

Knew someone was walking towards you but still remained in the way

You made passive aggressive comment

Person reacted to the fact you were being a passive aggressive knobber

..... you need to ask if yabu?

RavenLG · 30/08/2018 16:07

“OK I was BU .... but but but”
You were in the wrong. Why should she wait? Why couldn’t you have found somewhere better to sort yourself out?
Obviously she should have swore at you but was probably sick of running into inconsiderate nobheads all day.

Bombardier25966 · 30/08/2018 16:07

You were shouting in front of children, yet you're bothered about being called a name. Really?

You need to work on anger management.

Picklypickles · 30/08/2018 16:07

I don't think you've been all that unreasonable tbh, sure its bloody annoying when people are blocking doorways but how hard is it to say "excuse me"??! I'm finding more and more often these days that people are severely lacking in basic manners. Walking through our town the other day my partner and 6 year old daughter were walking ahead of me and my slug-like son, hand in hand and an imaptient older woman was trying to barge her way past/force herself between them (partner and daughter were oblivious) and I suggested that she could try saying "excuse me" and they would happily move aside, the man she was with said "no that's ok we'll just go around". So apparently its more socially acceptable to barge your way through a small 6 year old child and potentially seperate her from her father than it is to say excuse me.

skippy67 · 30/08/2018 16:07

coldtitz has it right.

MissConductUS · 30/08/2018 16:08

Was it really an issue for her to have to walk around me or to have wait a few seconds for me to move out of her way

It is a bit of an issue, considering that you could have just walked on for a few seconds and then sorted your purse and your bag. Instead you wasted her time and potentially the time of anyone who wanted to leave the shop.

When this happens at home with DH or the kids we just say "beep beep" when someone is thoughtless in the way of something that needs doing. Smile

itbemay · 30/08/2018 16:08

As soon as I realised I was in someone’s way I would have moved and apologised! YABU

amusedbush · 30/08/2018 16:08

As soon as I read that you stopped in the doorway to faff about I decided YWBU, and I stand by it having read the whole OP.

You were rude, snarky and passive aggressive. Once you realised that you had inconvenienced someone, you should have bloody well apologised, not made a rude comment about her to your child.

Clairetree1 · 30/08/2018 16:08

Was it really an issue for her to have to walk around me or to have wait a few seconds for me to move out of her way

do you normally expect people to wait for you to move out of the way because you feel like stopping unnecessarily in inconvenient places?

why should she?

You were behaving in an entirely self centred manner stopping in people's way in the first place - surly you teach your son not to do that?

ShesABelter · 30/08/2018 16:09

Honestly I'd of apologised to her when she sighed because I'd stopped in shop entrance. Not made a comment like that to a child.

SausageOnAFork · 30/08/2018 16:09

how hard is it to say "excuse me"?

How hard is it to think about other people for more than a minute and not stand in the way?
How hard is it to say ‘sorry’ and get out of the way rather than make underhand comments?

Thatsfuckingshit · 30/08/2018 16:09

You don't like name calling but have no problem involving your child in you passive aggressive games.

People who are PA always seem so shocked when they are challenged on it. I don't get why.

Mushroomsarehorrible · 30/08/2018 16:09

YeOldeFishWife

Love the name, at least you can laugh at yourself, but yes, as you have noted, you were BU.

It was pretty rude of you to stand in the doorway and not apologise. An apology would have lightened the situation if you couldnt help but be in the way, but instead you made no attempt at this. Yes she was PA, but I think I would have been a bit huffy if I was her so I kind of get why she reacted in that way.

Neither of you acted in v dignified manner, you were BOTH rude, but it was your behaviour that created the bad feeling.

TwistedStitch · 30/08/2018 16:09

Was it really an issue for her to have to walk around me

She didn't make it an issue though did she? She just walked around you without looking too thrilled about it. You decided to make a snarky comment within her earshot.

YeTalkShiteHen · 30/08/2018 16:10

Also, OP, it might be best to bear in mind that starting and then escalating arguments with complete strangers (especially in front of your child!!!) isn’t a good idea. You have no idea how people might react.

Havaina · 30/08/2018 16:10

Was it really an issue for her to have to walk around me or to have wait a few seconds for me to move out of her wayconfused

Yes it was an issue. It's intensely and annoying when people do this. They either have no spatial awareness or lack the consideration to move out of the way of other people to do what ever they need to do.

You were lucky she only huffed, many would have told you to get out of their way. If you haven't made the passagg comment she wouldn't have responded.

mumsastudent · 30/08/2018 16:11

90 seconds - there's a thing about loosing your temper - or reacting - basically wait 90 seconds & - apparently you are suppose to be calmer & less angry

Twotailed · 30/08/2018 16:11

To be honest I think you’re in the wrong here. You were blocking the door and thus inconveniencing someone, and you then made a snarky comment to the person you inconvenienced because you don’t think they were polite enough to you about the fact that you were inconveniencing them.

If you feel she didn’t need to shout after you, why do you think it’s ok that you shouted at her?

It sounds like you were both aggressive and lost your tempers, but whichever way you look at it you caused the drama and then escalated it...

(I’m maybe biased because people stopping in doorways etc is one of my biggest bugbears. How is it possible that you don’t realise how rude and unhelpful this is?!)

Gettingbackonmyfeet · 30/08/2018 16:12

Neither of you covered yourself in glory and I don't agree with swearing in front of kids but my god I can't bear passive aggressive ...frankly if you haven't got the spine to say something directly to her then grow up and don't say anything at all

WinterIsComing84 · 30/08/2018 16:12

Was it really an issue for her to have to walk around me or to have wait a few seconds for me to move out of her way

Was it really an issue for you to apologise for blocking the doorway, which is the issue that started this whole incident.

What have you taught your child, by your behaviour today? I'd suggest that your behaviour shows him that even if you're in the wrong, blame someone else and take no responsibility...

You haven't shown yourself in the best light, in my opinion.