Single mums - WTF!

[NoThatsNotMyName]

.....is your secret?

My baby is 2 months old. My husband has gone back to work but is only part time as he's self employed. When he's working he sleeps in the spare room. I get no sleep when it's just me. (Exaggeration) and the house is a flipping mess! I mean a real disaster zone! The red cross are going to have to airlift me and baby out cos it's a bombsite (light hearted)

Please give me your secret you amazing women! Or men!

I just get on with it. I learned to be organised very early on so I never feel overwhelmed or anything.

most of all to the op it will get easier and it is really tough. you're doing a great job.

Milk issues - my midwives told me to take Motilium (pharma name is domperidone). First time I needed a script I think, second time, just bought it in boots.

Made a huge difference. It's actually for regulating your gut (a bit like buscopan?), but def doesn't give you an upset stomach or anything... it even warns not too take to much because it causes lactation as a side effect.

Expressing did sod all for me.

Not even going to get into the other stuff, except I'd be suggesting DH takes a couple of mornings off using annual leave. Even a couple of days of lie- ins and working together to clear back log, have a cuppa together might make you both feel better. If that's an option.

Blanch - or maybe you didn't have PND

Sorry, on a roll now... just remembered, ended up speaking to an academic about breastfeeding. She said that 25% of women lose weight, 25% actually end up gaining weight, and about 50% will start to lose but then their body figures out how to compensate so end up putting it back on!!

She also said that breastfeeding is related to breastfeeding in some women... at that point (a decade ago), wasn't sure if it was hormones, or the loss of self &and personal space, so emotional factors I suppose.

Anyway,, having gone back and read a bit note, I'd say your thinking is definitely skewed, and managing your mood with the GP, sleep, regular food, talking, stopping/ mix feeding etc etc might help you feel less flattened, and in the end give you some energy. Ok, I'm going now.

In many cases being a single parrent was actually easier - no one else to look after apart from children and myself, being able to structure my day purely around myself and the kids, no one to have draining arguments with etc.

That aside, the stuff below is what I did:

-Get up early, regardless of when baby wakes up - if she was awake I sorted her out, if not I had time to complete some househod tasks/ exercise.

-Do most household tasks with baby awake and just take her with me and talk to her. I have fond memories of times she lay on an improvised mattress while I was hanging up the washing next to her, showing her the clothes and just rambling on about stuff.

-Get out of the house and walk somewhere every day for an hour, come rain or shine. It really helps improve your mood to be exposed to daylight (however little) and the extra exercise helps your mood and weightloss. If you do it at the same time every day baby might even get used to sleeping regulary.

-Remember the first year or so will be the hardest on you, physically and emotionally. It really does take that long to balance your hormones, get used to another little person in your life, to stop fretting so much and to allow baby to develop a regular rhythm - be that sleep, poop, hunger, be active or whatever.

Being a single mum is absolutely nothing like having a dh that works no matter how much he works or how little he does. It's not even close.
When I was a single mum I used to spend daytime with the kids and I would stay up all night studying and cleaning. I would survive on 2 nights sleep a week.
You're not a single mum. You're a Mum with an untidy house. Just get a routine.

Just prioritise. Make sure you and baby are fed, watered and not sleep deprived. Everything else can be done when you get time to do it. I agree with pp - parenting alone can be a lot better than being with a crap partner. You can form a routine better and not have a man-child in the equation.

It gets easier, I was a single mum to three before I met a new partner and had a fourth child.
It all comes with experience. I was living at home with my parents when I had my first, but being alone with three young kids/ babies, I actually found it easier as I was a more experienced mother and had done it all before.
You're learning as you go and as long as you're meeting all your son's needs and looking after yourself, everything will turn out ok.

Darling, life with a 2 month old can be utterly shite at times.

Do you need to work? If not, knock that on the head. Physically and hormonally you are still recovering.

Get a supermarket delivery pass for a couple of quid a month and get a delivery once a week or whatever works. Include lots of fresh fruit and veg, some easy meals and good vitamin supplements.

Basic cleaning routine between the two of you. Dishwasher always on overnight, sides in kitchen wiped, bleach down loo and hoover every few days. Load of laundry on and out every other day.

When he isn't working your sleep is his priority. You need to be able to catch up.

Try to go for a walk/fresh air every day. Even if just round the block or to a cafe.

Have a bath with little one. Lovely cuddling and skin to skin time but helps keep you clean and relaxed too.

If milk genuinely is a problem don't feel bad about formula top ups.

Do you drive? A drive until baby sleeps and then a trip through a drive through and then sit still somewhere while they slept and I ate and played with my phone, read or dozed was one of my favourite past times as my waistline will contest.

Iborgia no I've never had pnd. What's that got to do with the price of fish? I was answering the OP: single mums WTF. So I told her WTF I did and do.

Being a single mum is tough. But i agree with all those who say that being a mum with a lazy bastard husband is much, much worse.

Oh OP I could have written your post 11 years ago. It’s so overwhelming first time around, especially if feeding and sleeping are tough.

Right.

Nappies: try a bigger size and/or different brand, they’re all cut slightly differently. Also yes to pointing the willy down.

Feeding: my son wasn’t a great feeder and I struggled I miserably for so long. I honestly wish I’d introduced formula sooner looking back. I initially introduced it just one bottle a day and it made a big difference. I didn’t have supply problems but he had tongue tie and latch difficulties and was just cross and hungry looking back In some of his baby photos he looks so skinny but I think because he was long and his overall weight didn’t sound too bad I and the professionals missed how hungry he was.

Next: your mental health. This underpins everything. When does your husband next have a day off? Prioritise sleep for yourself on that day. He brings baby to you to feed and nothing else. You sleep or if you can’t sleep you rest. Fuck the house, and fuck the washing. It’ll still be there the next day. Make sure you are eating and drinking enough- good nutritious stuff. I hear you about the weight gain but nourishing yourself has to be your priority right now. Do you absolutely need this job? It sounds like you could do without the extra hassle.

Hugs to you. You’re not the only who’s felt like this. You will get there.

Wow, some people like to find offence where none is meant! OP, I'm sorry you're struggling with life right now - we've all been there at times and life with PND and a young baby is hellish.

It gets better. That's all I hung onto when I went through the same thing. Head down and get through the next couple of months and your little family will find its groove and things will get better. for you.

Christ, some people love to put the boot in.

OP didn't say she was a single parent or that her life was just as hard.

I am a single parent of four. But they go to Dad two nights a week and I don't have a tiny baby.

The time when I had a toddler and a baby and a husband working long hours was infinitely harder.

She's not saying she's a single parent. She's saying "this is horrendous, how on earth do people cope without a partner?"

It won't always be like this, OP.