To ask what keeps you so busy with a newborn?

[Floraleigh]

Apologies if this seems daft but I'm a first time mum and no idea what to expect from my NB. I've seen the stories that I can't have a hot cuppa for months, but why? If babies sleep 14-18 hours per day, what am I doing whilst baby is sleeping? What keeps you so busy and knackered?

Trying to prepare myself and DH as he seems to think he'll have time to keep up hobbies at the same pace when the baby is here. This isn't meant to be goady, really haven't the slightest what to expect from a tiny baby!

PS. Oh, and babies need to be taken out for walks as well - many sleep better when outside. That’s a great oportunity for someone helpful to sometimes give you a hand while you have a breather at home.

DD couldn't suck - still can't at nearly 11 -- so she was constantly feeding, falling asleep, feeding, falling asleep. No one listened to me, but the HV noticed that she'd dropped from the 91st to the 9th percentile, so at 4mo she advised mixed feeding, DD then refused to bf apart from bedtime until 8mo. It was never officially recognised that she couldn't suck.

It all depends, what is your newborn like and what are you like? I have twins and resided myself to the fact that sometimes one of them has to cry. I breastfed them for a year and the early stages were tough, felt relentless but they slept through since 11 months and it’s been easy since then! They were also good eaters and pretty easy to settle, I would just have to do all of it. I don’t think I could do it again, it’s hardcore but doesn’t last long. Oh, I always found time for a shower and I took them out for a walk every day - rain or shine - as I was guaranteed a few hours of peace when they slept in the pushchair.

Haven't RTFT but remember you're also recovering from a major physical event, I was in a high alert daze for the first two weeks. I have a 3mo and it's starting to make more sense to me now (ha ha)

A lot of the 'work' I've found is just being responsive and learning about my baby. Learning what the differently cries mean, what times of day are sleeping times or alert times, what signs that he has Wind or will need a feed in a minute, when he's sleeping deeply or taking a micro nap. And generally enjoying him learning new things every day!

I do one 'thing' a day, and spend two days just in the the house per week generally, I've found that's what we both prefer to keep relaxed and connected, any more than that and it's boring for us both!

My eldest wasn't an 'easy' baby - he didn't sleep through the night until he was ten months, had colic which meant from 4-6 every night he would scream. However, I didn't find that I couldn't do anything. I showered every morning - either before husband went to work or put him in a bouncer. I managed to keep house clean and tidy and ironing etc. Most days we would go out, even just for a walk around the shops. The evenings were harder when he screamed a lot, but I accepted that at that time, I had to make a coffee and make sure I had the tv remote to hand. I should add to this that he was formula fed - but fed little and often rather than every four hours. We had no routine whatsoever! Maybe we were lucky, but it's definitely not the case for everyone.

Come back when your baby is a month old OP and tell us what you think in fairness I remember saying when I was pregnant with DC1 that I was gonna do a degree whilst on maternity leave

DS is 7 weeks. The first two weeks he just fed and slept, would sleep anywhere and nothing would disturb him. I wondered what all the fuss was about! He has got progressively harder work since and has now got to the point where he will not nap, and on the few occasions he does it's only on us or in the sling. Sometimes we wait til he's in a deep sleep and put him down, he usually lasts about 3 minutes before he realises and wakes up and cries. He also gets trapped wind and screams in pain in the night.

Having said that often when he's awake he will let me put him down and do things, so I do manage a shower fairly easily and I can make a cup of tea, but I'll often have to try and drink it while I'm feeding him and hold it away from his head!

It’s so variable- I met up with a friend I made in SCBU a while back and we agreed that now we have 2 yr olds it’s about 80% hard slog:20% fun, compared to the baby year which was 100% hard slog and zero fun.

It also depends what your life was before. If you worked locally, maybe saw lots of local family and friends it may not be much different (just with added sleep deprivation) but if you’ve been used to commuting and/or a high powered job the sheer monotony of it all is hard to adjust to, plus your friends may be in an entirely different city/town!

Go into it open-minded and you’ll do ok. Not everyone bonds immediately with their newborn or spends hours staring lovingly at them. I didn’t even like my newborn (conceived after years of trying!) and I found I needed time away from her in order to cope with being a mum. I started enjoying being a mum once I returned to work and got three days away from her each week.

Newborns tend to be in a constant need to feed and it’s relentless. Plus you never know whether a nap will be 10 minutes or three hours so it’s impossible to plan anything. All that uncertainty, the sleep deprivation and the discovery that breastfeeding wasn’t a blissful bonding experience but was more like entering hell gave me postnatal depression. So be easy on yourself and get your partner to do as much as possible.

FWIW I never had a problem getting a cup of tea or having a shower - even if the shower did involve dancing around to entertain the baby in a bouncy chair.

Good luck!

I was also very surprised by the sheer amount of food I had to consume to breastfeed - I lost vast quantities of weight and one of the things that is difficult is time to prep food and eat it, yet you need to be consuming vast quantities to sustain the baby! One of my friends dealt with this by being out of the house and eating out as much as possible but that’s not affordable for many!

@darcybussell (and anyone with a newborn really) get a really nice travel mug for yourself, it's a game changer.

DD slept for 30 minute intervals while on me. She would not sleep at all when she was not with me. the first night from being home from the hospital, she didn't settle in her Moses basket until 6am, and even then she only slept for 2 hours. She had a bad case of colic and, like all new babies, never wanted to be put down.

Every baby is different. My little girl is 16 weeks & I’ve been trying to get washed & dressed since 9am today! She’s having a “don’t put me down” day but also only just fallen asleep for a nap. When she was a newborn something’s were easier. We had lots of visitors in the first couple of weeks plus husband was home for the first week so there was always someone to make me a brew. I had a failed induction then an episiotomy & forceps to deliver so I was very sore afterwards, plus delightful piles from pushing, so for the first few weeks I was just happy to get my breastfeeding established and get a shower when I could. Newborns do sleep a lot but you should try & sleep with them when you can. Plus it’s short sleeps so you’re back to feeding and changing them before you know it. You find your own rhythm though & what works for you. If you’ve got the time & room now maybe make some meals to freeze for yourselves, I wish I’d done more of that. Good luck with the birth & enjoy your baby when they arrive. Hours can literally be lost just staring at them & cuddlingz

I think people have covered it really well here, and my son slept well and long for 2-3hours at a time, bottle fed, and even in night would wake, eat, wind then sleep straight away. So really, whether bf or bottle it's often cluster feeds for bf, bottle can take up to 40mins to get it down (and stay down) in beginning, let alone without the winding (my god, at 330am shifting and patting and rotating baby to get that belch!). And that's without say a puke or runny burp a day (minimum) and hopefully the bib catches it. Also c10 nappies a day in early weeks, a poonami or two, 3-4 outfit changes and that's before you've left the house and all that entails, and you probably need to achieve one washing load per day to accommodate the outfits and muslins and bedsheets and towels and your own clothes when the belch follows through. Add in bottles for washing by hand before and sterilising if you're going that route, initially 8-10 of those bad boys, then making up the bottles (I don't mean in advance - controversial - more measuring out the powder into containers). Oh yeah and the witching hour where they may cry endlessly then suddenly just - stop. But it's also wonderful and don't fret -also a shower isn't a privilege, it's a right!

You are not having a robot delivered. Your baby will be unique. Nobody here can answer your question. U had one who was perfectly healthy and one very poorly.

@applesisapple5 - great idea I hadn't thought of that!

When I had Ds I think he was about 2 weeks old and dd was 2.2 years some (at the time childless) friends came round for a meal and after dinner whilst chatting the husband asked me totally seriously "umm iknow- what do you ACTUALLY do all day?" I think I said something along the lines of it's quite hard work taking care of two small children you know, then left the room and wept I quite enjoyed it when they had their first

I went to Boots....a LOT.

I was permanently on the quest for a baby bottle/teat that would work for my son.
My microwave melted no less than three bottle sterilisers...
We went through formula powder, nappies, wipes and nappy cream like crazy....

I reckon I was going to Boots about 4x a week at one point.

I too had this naive “oh the baby will just slot in” idea in my head.

They don’t slot in- they crash through your pelvic floor (or your abdominal muscles ) and basically start training you how to say the words “ooh three hours sleep would be lovely” and actually mean it. My baby is 6.5 months and she doesn’t sleep through the night (because she’s a baby. And that’s what they do). Breastfeeding is HARD- magical unicorns and fairies it is not, but it is pretty amazing too. Labour and delivery leave you feeling like you’ve had a car crash on an adrenaline rush. Even if I’d had time to sleep in the first couple of days I don’t think I’d have managed too- I was simultaneously exhausted and wired to the moon. There was a lot of staring at the tiny human we made. And a lot of crying- over amazon adverts.

I usually managed a shower and to eat/drink tea because in the early days she did actually sleep in the pram as I could transfer her. Now naps only happen on me or in the car, but the up side is that she can entertain herself for short bursts now. Swings and roundabouts really. It’s just all so time consuming when you have to stop what you’re doing every 5 minutes to feed/change/settle/generally parent. I “quickly” nipped out the other day. It took me four hours to get ready, go out, get the few salad bits and then get home. Apparently that is quick now.

@Hellsbells35 you have done it before though, and you're still in the firing on all cylinders toddler mind zone. Having toddlers make you harder, better, faster, stronger FTMs are dazed and confused.

I haven't read the whole thread but I had plenty of time when DS1 was a baby. I was always up and dressed before DH went to work (I didn't want to think I might be stuck in my pyjamas all day!) then had time to feed him, do the housework, go to baby groups etc. He wasn't the best sleeper (3 x 30 mins for the first 6 mknths) but there was not way I was going to be stuck in the house for the whole of my mat leave!

Not a breastfeeder, but my little one had super bad colic and didn't sleep through until he was 18 months old and I still managed all hot drinks and hot dinners! Maybe if you have more than one child I can understand it but with one?! If he didn't want me to put him down I would make a sandwich and eat it all with one hand, food is very important to me, I feel awful if I don't eat, and there was no way I was missing meals!

Not read whole thread so someone may have suggested this already but read What mothers do especially when it looks like nothing by Naomi Stadlen

Ha ha, yeah read a book. That will help.

My newborn was ethier at the breast, sleeping (exclusively on me) or screaming, 8hrs a day, screaming. She’d only settle with vigorous walks in the sling, so that’s what I did, I walked miles, and when she was asleep I’d stop for coffee, yes I got a hot brew. But I worked for it.
She screamed in the car, in the pram, in her cot. And then would want to be at my breast for hours at a time.
She’s 6 months now, still pretty intense, but so, SO much easier, she still spends the majority of time in my arms, but now will be put down (for approximately 10 minutes)

HOWEver! I have friends who have unicorn babies who eat sleep and poo.
I’ve not slept for more than 3hrs in a row for 6 months......enjoy your baby...

I think they're all different. Certainly BF is more time consuming as it's on demand and you don't know how much they've had. While I had hoped to BF, I had twins and they spent 3 weeks in NICU and came out trained up on 4 hourly feeds (they wouldn't BF) so I had lots of sleep . While obviously that isn't ideal for everyone (and you have to heat up the bottles instead of just taking your baby into bed with you) - it does mean you get loads of time to yourself. I used to feed at 12, 4 and 8 - took about an hour maybe to feed both with a bottle propped up with a blanket and hovering to readjust etc - then winding. Then 3 hours between each feed. Nappies again - you can use disposables and that gives you ages before you need to change unless they poo - but if you use washables (I did, but soon decided only to use them at home in the daytime) then you will be changing every time they wee - which is a lot. After a couple of months mine slept through the night - but again I think that may be different for BF babies. But I have to say I had two and had loads of time for gardening / coffee / whatever at home - it's going out that is tricky. Online supermarket shopping was a godsend back then.....! Enjoy your baby!