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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what keeps you so busy with a newborn?

356 replies

Floraleigh · 30/08/2018 06:58

Apologies if this seems daft but I'm a first time mum and no idea what to expect from my NB. I've seen the stories that I can't have a hot cuppa for months, but why? If babies sleep 14-18 hours per day, what am I doing whilst baby is sleeping? What keeps you so busy and knackered?

Trying to prepare myself and DH as he seems to think he'll have time to keep up hobbies at the same pace when the baby is here. This isn't meant to be goady, really haven't the slightest what to expect from a tiny baby!

OP posts:
Booboo66 · 31/08/2018 18:08

I had a newborn with reflux, she didn’t really sleep, apart from on my chest and she comfort fed so was just a cycle of feeding, changing and lots and lots of crying. Then we added in whooping cough so 45 minutes on a nebuliser every 4 hours day and night. It was a fun time

babyno5 · 31/08/2018 18:12

I know it’s different for everyone but newborn was my favourite and easiest stage! From name you’ll see I had 5 of the Little blighters! Certainly a lot easier than juggling work 😂😂. Hmm is 48 to old to have another one? 🤣🤣 xx

Jeepy · 31/08/2018 18:15

I thought the cup of tea thing meant that you mustn't lean over the baby with hot tea in your hand in case you scald them...?

cheeseandcrackers77 · 31/08/2018 18:22

My daughter was a dream. Slept 12 hours from day 1 (I was waking her every 4 hours for a feed at first till the midwife said not to wake a sleeping baby). She was happy during the day to sit and watch the world go by or lie on the matt kicking away. So I never got this you have no time for anything. Even as a child she never got up at 6am like you hear many small children do, she likes her sleep. So while some folk have it hard not every baby is hard work so I wouldn't stress too much.

However as a teenager she is a nightmare lol but still loves her sleep.

csigeek · 31/08/2018 18:23

Newborns are not that hard! Mine was a clingy one and liked to be held while sleeping, put him down and he'd wake and cry! But I could make a drink or food holding him if need be and, miraculously, drink or eat it too!
The hard part comes when they move! You have to have eyes in the back of your head and it gets progressively worse because they are a little danger magnet! We are currently climbing one everything and we have had to buy straps for the TV! I have lost 4lbs this week running around after and terrorising toddler!

NottinghamNeil · 31/08/2018 18:30

I wouldn’t blame DH for his innocence about the time available for hobbies. Before the baby arrives you can’t really comprehend how it’s going to be. You know in theory, but until you’re shambling around like a zombie neither fully awake or fully asleep, you can’t fully appreciate how much work is involved. You imagine your life carrying on, but with a baby slotted in. In actuality, your life is at the whim of this new infant with occasional chances to slot bits of your life in (eventually).

Charolais · 31/08/2018 18:47

I just liked staring at my newborns.

Nearly47 · 31/08/2018 18:59

So to answer your question. Is feed, change nappies, try to get baby to sleep ( and failing) and reapeat. Every 3/ 4 hours. Around the clock. That without considering that you have to eat sleep yourself. I loved every second of it though. Than they start to move. You can sleep better but have to be behind them all your waking hours. Grin

Zoejj77 · 31/08/2018 19:03

Loads has been said already I also think it depends how much extra help you get. If you have a baby that sleeps well and have family nearby it will be a breeze. I had neither I’m shattered lol

supersop60 · 31/08/2018 19:06

Add in to all the above - washing the baby clothes, washing the nappies (if you use re-usables). If you don't BF - there's the bottles to wash and sterilise. (At least one good reason to bf). Taking the baby out, whether pram or car, and you can guarantee they'll need a change, the minute you open the front door. Fitting them in the car seat, getting them out the other end. Everything takes time. Then you find the baby sleeps soundly in the pram or car, and by the time you get home, you are knackered and the baby's ready to play and do the whole round again!

Cuddlykitten123 · 31/08/2018 19:09

The first few weeks when they mostly sleep your still knackered/recovering from birth so it makes things harder.

Yes a newborn baby sleeps/feeds mostly. But both of these mostly include you holding them and not able to do much else.

Throw in copious amounts of washing, sterilizing, wiping things down and plenty of staring adoringly and sending gushy photos to DGPs etc and your day has pretty much flown by lol

busyhonestchildcarer · 31/08/2018 19:12

All babies will be different as will be your ideas and approach when caring for the baby.whether you are breastfeeding or bottle feeding changes things and if you demand feed.some people will leave a baby to cry( im not judging) others not. What's right for you and your baby is what's important.make sure you have a little time just for you ,dont fret about housework and just enjoy each other.make sure you have support.I personally found the hardest thing was giving birth then immediately having to look after the baby.I quickly realised what was important and it wasn't keeping an immaculate home and having dinner ready for hubby when he got home.lots of cuddles,lots of time together.enjoy xx

blackeyes72 · 31/08/2018 19:26

I will add to the mix of replies. All mine were hard work.

None of them slept for more than 2-3 hours (day and night) and wanted feeding in between. They breastfed and often the breastfeed lasted half an hour to 45 minutes. Then there would be a change of nappy and sleep. I would be knackered as there was probably only ever half an hour free between sleeps. And I got very little sleep.

Then I had to squeeze in everything else such as caring for other children, cooking, cleaning, shopping, and the rest. I did love babies but if you had an active/not so sleepy one it was hard.

Also if you didn't have an easy birth you will be tired as recovering..

Peartree17 · 31/08/2018 19:45

Well, everyone has a different experience. My newborn slept masses, but only if I was holding him. His feeding was easy, only took 20 minutes usually - but longer in the evening. Endless feeding. Summer baby, Wimbledon was on, I was quite happy to sit around feeding and holding a sleeping baby. He would sleep away from me if we were in motion, so I used to walk miles with him in a pram. So maternity leave (I returned part time when he was 8 months, full-time by the time he was 11 months) was pretty easy, as I could mooch around at his pace. It's harder when you need to squeeze them into a working routine...

chocoholic1234 · 31/08/2018 19:51

I've been thinking about this, and I think the first few weeks were incredibly hard because it was so unpredictable. You can't think 'I'll put the baby down to sleep around 10am, then I'll have a shower, then I'll tidy up the kitchen etc, because you might put the baby down at 10am, then the baby wakes up crying at 10.05 because you dared to put them down, and then you get them back to sleep at 10.30, and then at 10.40 (just as you were about to get in that shower) they a do a massive poo, and then they are starving, and by the time you've fed and winded them and changed their top from the sick it's now almost 12pm and you are getting hungry for lunch except the kitchen is still a mess, you have sick on your top and you still haven't managed to shower!

Somedays you might get in the shower at 10am and the baby sleeps until 11.30 and the kitchen is tidy, but you just can't tell which day you're going to have. I found it took until about 8 weeks before we had any kind of reliability, and even then it could still all change.

OlennasWimple · 31/08/2018 19:57

Ah, I remember just before going on mat leave saying that I didn't know what I was going to actually do with my time and getting a few knowing looks from the women who had had children, who assured me that there would be plenty to keep me busy

Grin
Labradoodliedoodoo · 31/08/2018 19:57

Imagine living on broken sleep for months. Getting out the front door with a newborn will take an hour and just as you leave baby will do a sqirty poo that escapes the nappy and covers his entire back, meaning you have remove shitty awkward t shirt over his head and wet wipe him, then dress in new outfit. Then you may discover that he hates his car seat and decides to go ridid so you’re unable to strap him in. It might take a few weeks to realise you can fold baby before putting him in his seat. Then there’s rounds of burping winding teething colic poo overtierdness. My children were delightful and relatively easy but ilife was all about the baby.

MindfulBear · 31/08/2018 20:12

Aha. Buy the book "what mothers do especially when it looks like nothing."
naomistadlen.com/

Your DH may welll be able to keep up his previous life...... it depends what the hobbies are, how regular, your own view on parenting and his interest in being a father. I've seen dads barely change their lives, whilst their dear lady love has hers turned upside down and inside out. Some did so intentionally and others she became very resentful.

Discuss it now fgs. Ask him what he wants and how much effort he expects to put in. Discuss your personal objectives desires and needs. These may change of course. NBs have a habit of doing that!!

The easiest days are the early days, unless there are problems of course.

However around week 3 or 4 that Little NB will suddenly wake up, find their voice and make themselves known.

In my experience you get the kid and you become the parent the kid needs...... rather than you deciding what sort of parent you want to be and carrying on like that. Eg I am now the hippy dippy earth parent that I had no idea lay beneath my City veneer and preppy casual wear. It's been a shock. However both my kids are free spirited independent of thought and very active beings. Trying to parent them in a strict Gina Ford-Esque fashion would kill me and them as it would be such an effort. However I have seen very placid easy going babies allow their parents to follow Gina Ford without a murmur.

Sarah Ockwell Smith has been a much better guide for us.

sarahockwell-smith.com/

Sleeplikeasloth · 31/08/2018 20:15

Getting out the front door with a newborn will take an hour and just as you leave baby will do a sqirty poo that escapes the nappy and covers his entire back, meaning you have remove shitty awkward t shirt over his head and wet wipe him, then dress in new outfit.

Surely that's the exception rather than the norm though for most people. Some babies perhaps more than others, but I'd change baby into spare outfit whilst out maybe once a month or so - not as an everyday thing.

Oh, and envelope vests mean that you shouldn't ever need to pull a top over the head - just pull it down instead.

nannykatherine · 31/08/2018 20:26

your baby will be different to everyone else’s baby
first get to know your baby ..,
this means bonding and feeding and holding .. but
you really done need to hold them all the time ..
make sure baby is well fed
make sure baby is burped correctly
place baby on a firm mattress in a moses basket near you to sleep ..
make sure baby is not over tired /over stimulated .
newborns will use there awake time being fed and changed the need to rest again
eventually you will get to know thier stamina and what the tired signs are so you can settle them for naps ..
learn to read your baby and you will settle into a nice routine and have time for cups of tea
enjoy the time together
(plus don’t listen to other people .. listen to the baby !! )

Original poster
Floraleigh · 31/08/2018 20:26

@pinkstripeycat 7 years Shock Flowers

Grateful for all of the replies. I've not been around many newborns, so this is incredibly helpful.

OP posts:
bumblingbovine49 · 31/08/2018 20:27

DS breast fed and took around an hour to feed and fed every 2-3 hrs ( got quicker but on the first 6 weeks it did take this long)
So 60mins feed
10-15 mins to wind and change nappy
45 - 75 mins cry or sleep or combination of this
Then repeat for around 24 hrs a day. So about 10-12 feeds a day. Usually once a day he slept 2-3 hrs in one go but apart from that he slept in 30-60 min chunks. It is hard to get much done in short burst of time like that, especially when you are very tired from not sleeping more than 1-2 hrs at a time every day for weeks.

wineandtoastfortea · 31/08/2018 20:30

I found the newborn stage easiest of all with my two. Toddler stage much harder!

BlueJava · 31/08/2018 20:31

I had twins, I wasn't on maternity leave long but I didn't find it that stressful. I was busy for sure but provided I was organised I could get everything done and had some time to relax. However, I didn't have any friends in the area so no lunch/coffees/chats and I don't watch TV.

MyRelationshipIsWeird · 31/08/2018 20:32

The cup of tea thing is especially relevant if you have a baby who will only sleep lying on you. That means you can't lean forward to get your tea off the table because you will wake/squash the baby and even if you do manage to get hold of it, you don't want to hold a cup of scalding liquid above your baby's head so you tent to wait for it to cool down a bit, miss the window of opportunity and end up with cold undrinkable tea.