To ask what keeps you so busy with a newborn?

[Floraleigh]

Apologies if this seems daft but I'm a first time mum and no idea what to expect from my NB. I've seen the stories that I can't have a hot cuppa for months, but why? If babies sleep 14-18 hours per day, what am I doing whilst baby is sleeping? What keeps you so busy and knackered?

Trying to prepare myself and DH as he seems to think he'll have time to keep up hobbies at the same pace when the baby is here. This isn't meant to be goady, really haven't the slightest what to expect from a tiny baby!

I think it's good and great that people are posting all different experiences, and giving OP some hope of good ones as well as worse case scenarios. However, I hate it when people imply that people who find it harder must have been making a fuss about nothing. As I said, my baby is fairly average so I can put him down sometimes, have showered and left the house every day, etc. etc. However, this makes me lucky, not skilful - some people do just have much harder/more demanding babies. Some people have easier ones. It's like how some people can't believe anyone had a hard pregnancy if they didn't - some people seem determined to believe that they're more resilient when actually they're luckier.

LisaSimpsonsbff, whilst that's undoubtedly true to an extent, I think that some parents will find it harder/easier regardless. It's like any 'job' in life - some people will find it comes naturally, and other people will have to work at it more, or will find it more difficult at first. Someone who is used to a very structured environment may find the chaos of a newborn difficult. Someone who is an insomniac who is used to crappy broken sleep is going to find sleep deprivation easier than someone who routinely got 9 hours a night. And in the same way that some people are good at maths but terrible at (for example) languages, some people may find baby care more instinctively easier than others. It doesn't make them a better parent, but pretending that it's all solely about the baby's personality is misleading I think. Its a combination (along with other factors like support network, adequate home environment)

I think that's true and fair. I know I'm certainly struggling with the lack of mental stimulation, for instance (which is why I'm trying to do a couple of hours work a day), which someone with a less mentally challenging job normally might find easier. I thought I'd find the sleep ok because I used to only get four or five hours (or even less) a lot, but I was unprepared for frequently broken sleep, so that might also have been easier if I were used to it, you're right. What I object to, though, is the people who think it makes them superior. As I said, this isn't really on my own behalf - I don't have an extremely challenging baby (yet, anyway!) - but I think some of the attitudes towards people who do being displayed are really shitty.

Also, I find it interesting (but unsurprising) that people take credit if they find their children but insist it's outside forces if they're hard! So many people who think they found having a newborn easy because of their own natural brilliance, but insist that having a toddler is just inherently hard - there are people who find that bit easy too...

I find the world is the opposite - if you have an easy baby (like my DC2 - when he was a few months old a friend asked if he was ever awake - "not for very long" was my truthful reply) then you're told it's luck. If you have a hard work baby (like DC1 - Oh dear god) then you're told you're doing something/Everything wrong. And then usually given a load of useless unsolicited advice.

I had almost forgotten about the nappies. One day I had to.change DC2's nappy fifteen times. If a change was a 5 minute job that's an hour and a quarter of the day just changing shitty nappies.

OP re breastfeeding - the baby shouldn't actually be sucking on your nipple but the breast tissue around it. After the first little while any nipple pain (apart from letdown pain) is likely to be a sign of a bad latch or possible tongue tie.

My first cried pretty much non stop for 9 months. Couldn't be put down. I barely slept or ate anything other than the easiest of meals even when my DH was home as everything just felt like the biggest struggle ever.
Some people just have easier babies and can get lots done and have a breeze of maternity leave. I was so jealous of those people but I'm glad some people had s better experience than I did.

If anyone ever asked me what I did all day as it was a holiday they would be on my shit list forever.

My experience:

Hourly waking for either feed, wind, change nappy (and everything else if poonami inc YOUR clothes/hair needs washing - seriously it gets EVERYWHERE), cleaning up after vomit/spit up, colic/reflux, lonely and wants a cuddle...

While dd was colicky she couldn't sleep laying down only on our chests so we took it in turns.

2 loads of laundry per day

Usual housework still needs done, plus you still need to eat and drink especially if breastfeeding.

You'll be recovering from the birth too, even more tiring if it was traumatic for any reason, you have wounds healing - I'd had emcs so very sore and tired.

Well meaning visitors.

Midwife/hv visits - first vaccinations are at 8 weeks. Ah yes! Needing to pack half the house to go out anywhere!

Tiny babies can still get colds, coughs. My dd also had hayfever.

Baby's dad needs to accept hobbies are on back burner until further notice - you'll BOTH be parents!

Who told you they sleep 14-18 hours?

Bf - nipples get used to it, can be sore at first but gradually gets less so and then one day it's not sore at all. Personally I preferred bf it was relatively easy (once dd and I learned), no faffing with bottles, free and much easier for going out and about. But ff has its pros too. I had to ff from 9 months as my milk dried due to medical condition. I found it a faff washing, sterilising and making up bottles, dd hated waiting either for it to cool down or warm up and it took us several attempts to find a brand she wasn't intolerant too, I also needed to use latex teats as she couldn't manage silicone ones, also had to use specially shaped bottles as she got a lot of wind. But it did mean her dad and others could do feeds sometimes which meant I could get a lie in or early night. If baby has a sensitive tummy which meant bf mum had to be careful what she ate/drank then ff obviously negates that issue.

Every baby and every parent is different. You won't really know until baby here. Though having said that I've been looking after babies since I was 14 and my last time doing so was just 3 years ago, so almost 30 years experience and I've yet to meet a newborn that sleeps for more than 4 hours in the daytime and even that's rare. Most under 3 months (ime) wake roughly every 2-3 hours. Mainly due to small tummies needing regular top ups or emptying!

The time of year your baby is born plays a part too. My first was a November baby. Trying to get ready to go out took FOREVER - feed baby, change baby, dress baby in a billion layers, faff around finding own coat, shoes, gloves, wriggle baby into sling, baby does massive, un-ignorable poo, baby out of sling, undress baby from a million layers, change nappy, re-dress baby, pick baby up, baby pukes down your top, rush off to get changed, take 10 minutes to find an item of clothing without vomit on, sling on, baby in, leave house an hour after expected time.

2nd one was an august baby. SO much easier. Feed baby, do up baby's vest, chuck it in sling, leave house before baby decides to do anything unmentionable. Brilliant.

my DD slept 8 hours in 24 when she was a newborn. There isn't a standard all babies are different, when I kept getting told to enjoy this age as they always are asleep I smiled and nodded and thought WTF!

My DD fed for 20mins every 4 hours whilst my DS fed for 5 mins every hour. DD didn't sleep a full night till she was 2½ years old by which time I had a NB DS. I felt like baby had been a part of my entire life & couldn't imagine not having this gorgeous creature around. Feeding, changing nappies, playing, chatting, it takes the entire day but is SO worth it.
The first year we didn't have our Christmas dinner till Boxing day, we were so exhausted.
Enjoy you NB, precious times ahead.

I think it’s also what you prioritize. My first was a needy baby who had colic and needed to be held a lot. But I still had a cup of tea, showered, ate and got outside for a walk or meet up with friends most days. It’s tiring and it’s definitely work but you don’t need to completely neglect yourself.

I was probably drinking lots of sweet tea because I didn't have time to eat.

And yes some babies are much more difficult than others. I had one easy baby and a difficult one, and god it was hard work, and doing everything on so little, constantly interrupted sleep.

The easy one was easy. Very few tears, easy feed, would sleep absolutely anywhere - from a quiet front room to a busy pub. Without needing to be rocked or held.

My baby didn’t sleep through the night until he was 7 - years old!!!!! He barely slept in the day. If he did was was for about 20 Minutes if I was lucky. If he fell asleep in the car I had to leave him in the car just to get s break - If I moved him he’d wake up. Good news tho - He is now 12 and sleeps for England! Still have to be careful with a hot drink tho as he’ll come in and flop down on the sofa next to me mid sip! Lol

Feeding, feeding, feeding, feeding.

In some respects looking after the baby isn't the hard bit, it's fitting in every thing else that becomes the challenge. Babies might be small but the washing alone they create is huge. Think of all those changes and leaked nappies. Trying to cook dinner when they need feeding, changing first etc. Some babies are great sleepers, but some decide the only time they will sleep is when you are pushing them for miles in a pram or carrying them in a sling. It's hard to know how hard or easy it will be until baby arrives. They are all so different. Also, getting some rest as a new mum is so important. Labour can be a real mixed bag too and you might be totally fine or you might need some time to take it easy

Twins never got themselves in sync and the advice books got thrown out the window - I usually ended up with one or other sleeping next to or on me to avoid waking the other one. I drink tea any temperature these days

When I saw the title of your post, I thought this is certainly someone who has never cared for a newborn. I couldn't get dressed and out of the house when I had my DD. She was underweight and needed a feed every 20 minutes.

Depends a bit on the baby but I found the newborn stage pretty calm and easy both times. Toddler stage a whole other story - both times! Never a minute to yourself!

Eating danish pastries
Washing and hanging out babygros and bibs
Sterilizing bottles
Making bottles
Cooling bottles
Then warming bloody bottles
Changing nappies
The screaming hour between 5pm and 11pm. Sucks.

I guess it depends on the baby. Some like my sister's, cannot be put down for a second, but I was lucky in that mine loved to be carried when awake but would happily sleep for hours in the moses basket. So I ended up hoping they would wake up for a cuddle! The busy bit starts when the get mobile...

Lots of newborn babies hate being put down so will only sleep when being held. They also can feed a lot especially if breast fed and then settling them can take ages. Once you take account of the fact they can be constantly waking up at night and their sleep is not necessarily convenient long chunks but dispersed throughout the day some mums find it difficult according to the baby. Most new mums are too exhausted for hobbies given they may only be getting a few decent hours of sleep a night. It is not forever though but personally I found (and my DD is finding now with a 4 month old and a three year old) that spare time with young DC is hard to find. Hobbies were not something I had time for with only 18 months between my 2 DDs.

My husband would come home in ge evenings and ask ‘so what did you get up to today?’ And I would be like ‘I... don’t... know...’

Partly because I had no idea how the many small tasks of caring for a newborn had somehow managed to stretch to occupy my entire day (to be point where a shower, a cuppa and a quick trip to the shop was a major achievement) but also because the day was so mindlessly repetitive that I had forgotten everything about it almost as soon as it had happened.

DS was a relatively easy baby (thank god! As a toddler though he has exhausted me completely ) - he could be put down usually without too much fuss and he didn’t really cry. To this day I have no idea where that time went!

Of course a substantial part of each day was spent gazing adoringly at DS and congratulating myself on producing the world’s most beautiful human

I found the newborn stage tiring, busy and it was a huge shock that this tiny being had control of when I ate,slept,bathed, left the house etc. And I had a fairly easy baby. It’s not until now he’s nearly one I look back and think what did I DO all day when he slept every hour and wasn’t on the move?? I think when your in it you don’t realise because your just dealing with the then and now. Maybe when he gets older and starts to tantrum i’ll Look back and think this phase was easy

Depends on your baby and if you are breastfeeding. My first born would only sleep for a couple of hour and feed for almost 1 hour on the first month. Kept falling asleep and then reattaching again. I was like a zombie. Second child my milk flew like a fountain so baby fed very easily and slept for 4 hours at a time from the start. First month is the hardest. But it gets easier and if you don't worry too much about the house you will be fine.