To ask what keeps you so busy with a newborn?

[Floraleigh]

Apologies if this seems daft but I'm a first time mum and no idea what to expect from my NB. I've seen the stories that I can't have a hot cuppa for months, but why? If babies sleep 14-18 hours per day, what am I doing whilst baby is sleeping? What keeps you so busy and knackered?

Trying to prepare myself and DH as he seems to think he'll have time to keep up hobbies at the same pace when the baby is here. This isn't meant to be goady, really haven't the slightest what to expect from a tiny baby!

notice the op hasn't been back. Journalist?

Thank you mums with experience haven't been frightened off just a bloody busy day at work.

We've already got DH on a rota, he's taken over all cooking, cleaning, and cat duties without fuss. I think he'll be a good dad and won't be off with hobbies too much but just trying to get a picture of what life with a baby might be like. Helps to know a feed can last upwards of 40 minutes, I imagined it was more 10-15 How can your nipples handle that and not fall off?? Planning to BF but can't imagine having my nipples sucked on for 400 minutes per day

Also remember, the first week you will be recovering from the birth. You may have been up for 48 hours in labour so will be sleep deprived from the get go. Nothing prepares you for how your body will feel after the birth, the constant leaking, oozing, cramping etc Add in then a baby that has no idea of day and night and that you are in sleep deprivation. All you want to do that first week is recover.
Then it gets interesting until about 3 months...and that's when the three hours of colic screaming per night starts...

I don't think anything can prepare you for what's ahead but it's totally worth it!

Good luck OP

Lansinoh cream is your friend, apply after every feed! And make sure you have everything you need in arms reach, water, remote control, Phone and muslin!

How can your nipples handle that and not fall off

Lanisoh cream - the one in the purple tube. Put it on before the baby latches as well as after (be prepared for grease stained clothes!) and keep up your pain killers.

I won’t lie it can hurt and be a pain in the arse to get started but there is a point where it gets easier and is much, much less palaver than fucking about with bottles, but if at any point it’s too much go to formula without guilt. Babies give no shits where their dinner is coming from.

YouTube can be amazing for middle of the night latch advice.

Oh how I wished for a way to change channels 39 years ago! I did watch some terrible stuff because it was better than waking a sleeping baby.

Nipple shields are a god-send if your nipples crack and bleed (as mine did!)

You could have one like my DC1. He was a dream and as a result the house was pristine, I cooked lovely food everyday, managed as much tea as I wanted and could even have a 30 minute soak in the tub (baby slept and was very content when awake!)

Or you could have one like my DC2. She didn't sleep, constantly fed (or cried) and was a very grumpy baby. My house was a shit tip, my older child spent weeks indoors DC2 was a January baby and the weather was terrible and we lived on microwaveable food. I used to have to take her into the shower in her chair [which she hated] and let her scream for the duration otherwise I'd never have been able to shower. She screamed for DP as well. All I did for 3 months was breastfeed her, and pacify her. Co-sleeping helped.

Or you could get a baby inbetween. It's a lottery

And make sure you have snacks, juice cartons etc where you are feeding.

Baby naps, run around the house tidying up, putting dirty nappies away, washing bottles if using, sterilising, all while trying not to wake them. And when you do they are stuck to you til asleep again. And a lot of them won’t stay asleep if you put them down anywhere.
Feels like one feed is just finished and the next is starting by the time you have got all the wind up/cleaned up sick/changed nappy and possibly their clothes for the hundredth time.
I had to take my baby into he bathroom to watch me shower. He wouldn’t sleep in pram, so walks were a disaster, only wanted on me so I couldn’t move, but Equally struggled with sitting down after birth injury and just wanted to sleep and lie down.

The multiple up downs through the night just take their toll and you don’t have the energy to WANT to do anything the next day. Days and nights just felt the same to me as baby didn’t know the difference.
Everything just takes longer than you anticipate. Getting out the door takes forever planning and then they end up pooping as you just have hen comfy and winded and clean in car seat or pram.
Silly little like that you don’t expect.
I didn’t think feeding would take so long.

Even the constant crying is so grating sometimes it tires you out to make you just zone out and want to sleep .

But it’s all worth it. until they are teething

Floraleigh, there can be days of cluster feeding too. Have a read up on the bf vaords here, or KellyMom or similar. Bf is fab and great once established but it's the equivalent of a FT job at times in the beginning.

For me, the exhaustion of the newborn phase came as much from my physical state as the actual baby. I was anaemic, had severe SPD, lots of stitches and laboured for days before giving birth. Please don't see this as a negative as I LOVED labour and birth and would do it all again in a heartbeat but it did mean that I started parenthood very much already at the end of my resources, and then had a cluster feeding, unputdownable, fractious baby. Our dc1 had the most amazing sensor for me eating or drinking and would most on being held and fed exactly at those times!!

Floraleigh my top top tip if you want to bf is to find out where your local support is now and go to a group before baby is born, they will be able to give you some advice and you'll know who can help you when your baby is here. I would say almost all women need help with bf, midwives and HV try their best, but they just don't have all that much time, these people who run bf groups are often volunteers and will spend as much time with you as they can to help you. The first 6/7 weeks can be tough but keep at it and get lots of support. Best wishes x

Netflix, a crap load of chocs/sweets/biscuits and a coffee machine and you are good to go.

I had loads of hot drinks/food courtesy of an amazing ability to eat with one hand (even spag bol, although I recommend covering baby with a muslin or something) but never had any sleep or respite. Over a year later I’m only just getting regular showers and managing to wear clothes not covered in baby sick/general crud.

Once they become mobile and you have a (bit) more time you leave your hot drinks on high shelves away from grabby hands and forget about them until their cold. And your food either ends up in their mouths or cold because you are busy feeding them (or picking their food off the floor).

It’s brilliant though (even with chronic sleep deprivation thanks to a reflux baby!)

I have an 11 week old (my third baby). In his newborn stage there were days when it would take me over 7 HOURS to be able to even get downstairs because he wouldn't be put down. Reflux and tongue tie were a combination from hell, particularly with two other very small children to care for.

Things have eased now but it was hard going!

@Floraleigh - lots of lansinoh cream for the first 6-8 weeks; trust in your body, babies scream for milk at night because that's how your body learns to make milk, it's hard but it works and after that stage it's just so nice to breastfeed as well as being convenient. A newborn wasn't as tiring as the last months of pregnancy for me, but it is full-on. You'll be learning all the new skills; first feeding, winding, then getting out, then feeding while out, changing in a tiny toilet etc. Visitors all want feeding and don't clean up. Midwives turn up and you go for weighing / finding classes etc. There's always something with milk spit needing a wash and something to research (bouncer because you're buying one after all / reason for yellow baby spit / if 37 degrees is a fever / how to clear snot using snotsucker / what to do about spots on baby's cheeks / cheapest sock ons / new maternity bra / new baby clothes / youtube how does this ridiculous parasol attach to a pushchair / what is a snoozeshade / whether the series Unreal is any good for watching while feeding / does granola increase milk supply etc). Babies are so so different; join your mumsnet antenatal group now, you'll be chatting on facebook every day. Join local groups too, you need coffee and walking friends to get you out of the house without trying the effort of a bus. Good luck, it's the best time of your life (also the most exhausting, but that's ok).

I have an 11 week old (my third baby). In his newborn stage there were days when it would take me over 7 HOURS to be able to even get downstairs because he wouldn't be put down.

Maybe I'm being dense here, but this seems nuts to me. Why not :

1. just put him down accepting that he'll cry for the very short time you need to grab your stuff, and that 30 seconds of crying whilst you put on pants really isn't going to scar him
2. just hold baby in one arm, and grab what you need in the other.

Madness.

I've seen the stories that I can't have a hot cuppa for months, but why? If babies sleep 14-18 hours per day, what am I doing whilst baby is sleeping? What keeps you so busy and knackered?

IME they breastfed for about 10 hours in every 24, and slept on me the rest of the time, when they werent needing one of their 12 or so diaper changes every day. So that is pretty much all day and night accounted for. I mostly watched Netflix and box sets and fed, that was it, for the newborn weeks

I remember thinking that very thing!

But yes. To echo everyone else. They don’t tend to sleep peacefully in a little basket in the corner. Mine didn’t anyway. They liked to be held.

Slings are great though. And I always managed most things. It is tiring though. Good luck and enjoy it!

You might be lucky and have a really easy baby. The first few weeks are rough with your body recovering, lack of sleep and the huge change in your life but it’s all so amazing looking at the little human you made! At about 8 weeks my dd went to bed about 8pm and I got my nights back (until about the 10:30). I have also made sure that we get out everyday, even if it’s just to the shop it gives you fresh air. Just don’t pressure yourself, people will understand if you cancel plans etc. Then again my baby isn’t only 6 months so I think the hard work isn’t still to come! Good luck

Don’t underestimate how difficult breastfeeding can be. On ds1 I thought I’d pop my boob in his mouth and off he’d go. It was hard work. I swelled to a J cup (size 10), I was a walking milking cow. And boy did it hurt! I managed 6 weeks before giving up 😔

I’m going to add another psychological reason why I think the newborn phase is so particular... and the theory lasts through childhood too.

As adult women in this modern age, we get quite a bit of comfort and security from controlling aspects of our time and week.

It’s like we have our lives sorted into different pots on a stovetop. We can control how high we have the flame on under each pot, but they all have to stay cooking. So the pots might represent Work, Family, Relationship, Health, Social Life, Spiritual Life (church, hobby, volunteering, etc). We can pat ourselves on the back when we get the mix right in any given week, and get a bit overwhelmed and stressed if it goes wonky.

We have loads of info and advice from our culture about how to coordinate these pots. We know, for instance, that we need to exercise 3 times a week (or whatever), so we turn the gas up on that pot. Work has a set number of hours, so we can predict turning the energy up on that. We get practiced, and better at it. It makes us feel accomplished and sane. Our culture applauds us.

Then we add a leetle teeny saucepan marked Baby. Which somehow causes the gas to switch off under all other pots, to start with. And it multiplies to fill all the other burners. Ok, we say to ourselves, we can handle this, we’re used to lots of pots, we’ll crack the recipe and all will be well.

Truth is: you never have time to get things sorted, because as soon as you find a formula that works, the baby changes. It’s the baby’s job to change. Every day, in many ways. You can never get on top of it, you’re always researching, hoping, experimenting, pulling your hair out. There is no predictability to work with, or to take your satisfaction from. All you can count on is change. Is it working well today? That’ll change. Is it going badly? That’ll change too. Maybe worse, maybe better, but different for sure.

All our ‘modern woman’ tools for coping with chaos are no use in this new environment. It’s a new high-wire act every day, and that messes with our sanity. To go back to the cooking analogy, the smoke alarm goes off during the birth and it never seems to switch off!

It really is quite astounding that we manage so well!

@Floraleigh just a thought, but I'm super passionate about bf and if you would ever like to ask me anything please don't hesitate to DM me and I will do my best to help x

I never experienced this personally. I still bathed daily (heard people saying they dont get time for one?) put my make up on did my hair, looked after 3 other kids and am a lone parent all after a csection. I honestly get less done now shes 16 months!! Its much more difficult than when she was new born.

Actually I found I had more time when my baby was newborn however the issue is because you're in a fog for a few weeks and have an endless cycle of frequent feeding etc the small amount of time you have between gets filled pretty quickly. I found I lost whole days and weeks! Then the colic kicked in and I couldn't put him down so learned to do everything one handed. But now I find i have less time and he's 4 months because he needs to be amused a lot more however he's sorted his feeding and sleep schedule so he's a bit more predictable and life is a bit easier so I get up before him and get stuff done.