To ask what keeps you so busy with a newborn?

[Floraleigh]

Apologies if this seems daft but I'm a first time mum and no idea what to expect from my NB. I've seen the stories that I can't have a hot cuppa for months, but why? If babies sleep 14-18 hours per day, what am I doing whilst baby is sleeping? What keeps you so busy and knackered?

Trying to prepare myself and DH as he seems to think he'll have time to keep up hobbies at the same pace when the baby is here. This isn't meant to be goady, really haven't the slightest what to expect from a tiny baby!

I do know someone mind whose baby would feed for 50 minutes, and be winded for 10, every hour. ie, constantly either on the boob or being winded, all day, every day.

Haven't read the full thread so I'm sure its been mentioned, but also if you're breastfeeding the simple act of producing nutrition for another human being will take it out of you, so you will be the baby's only comfort night and day, while using your own energy reserves day and night. So even if you're not 'busy' you are too tired to do anything anyway. Once they are weaned it becomes easier in my experience.

Depends on mother and the baby really.

I am struggling to drink a cup of tea with my 3.5 DD1 and my insanely active 10mo DD2. The NB days were actually fine for us as a family. Easy sleepers etc but things have changed now and there are different challenges.

You also need to consider what help women have with a NB (forget rich people with staff). Is the father present and useful? Is all shopping, cooking and cleaning being eased by partners/grandparents etc? Are responsibilities shared?

You won't know what it's going to be like until it happens, there's 2 groups:

• the cold tea/No tea mum
• the don't care what's happening I am drinking my f*cking tea mum

I am the latter.

Good Luck OP! You will be fine no matter what! X

I've kind of worked out how to drink tea at an angle if that makes sense.

I have a 10 month old and the newborn phase is just different I think. In some ways it’s better than now and in others it isn’t. Mine is breastfed and the early on feeding every hour or less on some occasions was fairly intense but he did sleep loads as well so plenty of time to sit around or do housework or whatever. Now he is on solids and doesn’t breastfeed as often but moves around much more! I liked the sweet spot around 6 months when the sleep was better, we hadn’t started solids yet and he was only feeding every 4 hours or so and also couldn’t quite crawl yet so you didn’t need eyes in the back of your head!

Must say though it’s have never not finished a coffee. I wouldn’t mind waste precious caffeine!!

As for what you will do all day.... you will be able to spend hours just staring at this human YOU MADE!!!! In awe of yourself, your OH and Mother Nature.....

Of course remember getting out the house to seeother humans (incl the MW / HV who want to see you) will take 5 times as long as it used to. (Have you seen the Michael macintye sketch on this? It was about older kids but he should do one about NBs too!!). Inevitably baby needs to feed, or does a massive poo or vomits everywhere when you try to leave or you do...... Then you discover getting the buggy or babyseat in and out is harder than you imagined and for the first 6 weeks you can barely walk due to the damage sustained during the pregnancy or Labour...... or you could be super lucky and it allgo like a dream!!! You won't know until you are "in it".....

Month 1 - lay in until 10 or even all day, napping and breastfeeding (hopefully lying down - ask someone to snow you or look up on you tube - or try "laid back bf" sometimes called "nurturing bf").

Your beloved will not want to be far from you and will bring breakfast / tea / coffee etc to you and will change all the nappies and baby's clothes.

Sometime later - have lunch and get dressed, unless you are expecting visitors in which case stay in PJs until they leave. Afternoon - entertain guests and shop on amazon / John Lewis for all the stuff you think you still need.....

Then back to bed.....!

UNLESS you have a problem in which case you will spend most of your time trying to feed the baby, change nappies, change their clothes, feed yourselves, change your clothes, see MWs and HVs at annoying hours and generally run ragged.

You might spend a lot of time crying. You may need to speak to your mum or best mate all the time for reassurance. You may doubt yourself at every turn. You may resent all sorts of things that other people are doing. Or you might be in your element going with the flow and chilling out.

I had a postnatal doula with #1 for weeks 3-8. And an IBCLC on speed dial (DH was working overseas so Away Sun pm until Fri am). Money well spent. They helped me get over my horrific perineum tear, sort out a tongue tied baby who wasn't gaining weight and then helped me visit a paediatrician and find someone to snip the tongue tie. Then they helped me gain confidence to get out the house and tobreastfeed in public.

2nd time round DH was home and we didn't invite any visitors...... great trick as meant we had lots of time together to chill and to get to know each other.

Month 2 & 3 - baby will only want to sleep wherever you are - or no where near you depending on the baby. This is the Time when you see dad walking small babies at odd times of Day trying to get them to sleep!! This is the time you love n hate the baby snuggles. When you are pinned to the sofa breastfeeding / napping whilst surfing MN & FB, shopping online and catching up on boxsets. !

Month 4/5 - you will think "hurrah I'm awesome at this" and start to hang out with other adults and small babies in coffee shops and all bar one etc. Time spent pinned to the sofa or bed will reduce drastically.

Month 6-8 it gets harder and harder as they start solids and start moving. You suddenly realise your life is not your own and you are dancing to the sound of someone else's drum!

Month 10 you may start thinking a return to work & outsourcing 70% would be preferable to this drudgery, albeit interspersed with sunny moments. You will no longer be able to frequent coffee shops and all bar one as baby is on the move and doesn't like being restrained.

At home you discover this solids malarkey is not all it is made out to be (hence why so many 2nd and 3rd kids discover solids later than PFB)...... Make food. Breastfeed. Baby eats food. Breastfeed. Clear up kitchen, dining area, walls, chairs etc. Clean baby bum. Take a break. Repeat...... plus shopping, playgroups, monkey music and tumble tots etc....

Best of luck. And enjoy it!!

laundry, laundry and more laundry too. Alongside constant feeding. Slow down and enjoy.

I highly recommend a Klean Kanteen wide vacuum flask with cafe lid. Excellent to keep coffee hot and minimises risk of dropping hot drinks on a bf baby. I have not yet drunk tea from mine but understand others do.

www.babipur.co.uk/eco-living-home/klean-kanteen-eco-water-bottles-coffee-flasks.html/

7 hours a day of feeding. Barely any daytime naps at all until 5 months when she started having one nap on most days. Constant feeding all through the evening until 11pm. Always slept very well at night though so that was great.

Feeding and holding the baby all day went on for months. I am quite a distant, aloof kind of person and always thought I would be quite firm with a baby and not be phased by crying etc but the sound of your own baby crying is so much louder and very stressful compared to hearing another baby. Also when they were tiny they just want to be held, it's not like they're having a tantrum or anything. They just need you there and as its your main job then that's just what you do :)

I think people sometimes just say stuff about not having "me time" or sleep for small talk reasons. I'm sure when your baby is here you won't mind if they want lots of feeds or to be held. You will just want to care for them and make the most of them being little. Enjoy!

The worst thing was the sleepless nights. They can be pure torture. I used to feel really jealous of our dog sleeping peacefully on the sofa next to me 😂 I always felt so exhausted the next day, like proper exhausted. The thing is though, you just get on with it. It's what us Mums do! You'll be fine.

Having a newborn is a doddle it’s just a shame I didn’t realise until I was on my second one

Love your post MindfulBesr

Having a newborn is a doddle - my first newborn bloody wasn't doddle. Introducing solids was a total piece of piss with both my DCs but I wouldn't presume to say it's a doddle for everyone. As above, some find it very challenging.

Sleepinglikeasloth I was being tongue in cheek. No need to be pedantic

Depends on your baby, but that is, generally, the easiest stage. They often cry, need to be fed, changed and won't be put down. Mine didn't sleep much day or night but it's still easier than being at work.🤗

My DS fed constantly for the first ten weeks! I didn't even have time to make a cup of tea, let alone drink it.

Labradoodliedoodoo, it's more that poo, vomit incidents are so often cited as what takes up time with a newborn, when in reality, for the majority of babies, they really don't take up much time at all (say a full change down takes 15 mins, and happens about twice a month - it's literally a minute a day)

It's like people that include 'sterilising' in 'what takes up time', when actually it takes exactly the same time as putting a few glasses away (ie put bottles in steriliser, press go, come back at some stage in the next 24 hours).

There are many things that are time consuming with newborns (feeding for example, though often not so much with bottles), but I think there's a huge amount of exaggeration here as well.

Having babies just sucks out time like some freaky black hole, and sometimes I don't think there is any real explanation for it.

I’m asking myself the same. 2nd baby 5wo and just sleeps for two hours, feeds for 5 mins and sleeps again. Super easy. It’s the 3 yo that’s the issue!

People are telling you this because it is true. Take heed. Don't be THAT smug pregnant person that thinks it won't happen to them. Yes, babies, and therefore people's experiences vary - but in general babies are demanding little creatures that need constant attention. As others have said, short bursts of sleep (3hrs at a time for example) will leave you tired. And hot drinks and babies are not really compatible!

I must have been lucky because every time I had plenty of time on my hands! The last baby was the third one and I had a 3 and 6 year old so although the eldest was at school there wasn’t really any other choice than to have plenty of time! I certainly couldn’t have completely dedicated myself to this newborn because I had other kids to feed and care for.

It’s when they start walking that’s the issue, or even crawling. My last walked at 9 months, she kind of had to to keep up with the pace of the house!

I broke my ankle when did was about 6 weeks which meant I had to rest,be cooked for LSI it was a really hot year do I could sit in the garden in the shade.
I think that forced inactivity helped make it all easier for me.

Feeding every two hours on preemie formula which took forever to take and reflux after every bottle. Fun times!

You are on high alert with a small baby, so even when they are asleep you sleep with one ear open, so to speak. And they can be noisy buggers even while sleeping.

Amen to that - I never spelt deeply while my DCs were babies and toddlers. Before I had a baby I could sleep through an AC/DC concert next door but afterwards I could wake at the drop of a pin.

In general, breastfeeding means you’re busy most of the time: newborns require very frequent and usually long feeds, and it you want to express milk that takes time too. With bottlefeeding - not as intense but then there’s all the time preparing bottles, sterilising equipment etc etc. Plus changing nappies, holding the baby to sleep, washing baby clothes that are tiny and take a long time to hang up to dry - it’s amazing how it fills the day. Babies waking every few hours throughout day and night means you’ll be exhausted non-stop.

Prepare your DH to look after you while you look after the baby. Hobbies will have to wait. That means making you tea, meals and healthy snacks. That also goes for any visitors you receive - forget being the hostess, they should help you out rather than expect to be served and entertained.

In the early days, if you can get your DH or someone else to look after the baby and give it a few feeds (expressed milk or formula milk depending on your choice) while you get at least six hours of uninterrupted sleep, with earplugs - it works wonders! Post-natal depression is largely caused by lack of sleep and the realisation that it will be years before you can sleep properly.

Good luck to both of you! Your DH does need to get ready for a massive change in his habits though.