To ask what keeps you so busy with a newborn?

[Floraleigh]

Apologies if this seems daft but I'm a first time mum and no idea what to expect from my NB. I've seen the stories that I can't have a hot cuppa for months, but why? If babies sleep 14-18 hours per day, what am I doing whilst baby is sleeping? What keeps you so busy and knackered?

Trying to prepare myself and DH as he seems to think he'll have time to keep up hobbies at the same pace when the baby is here. This isn't meant to be goady, really haven't the slightest what to expect from a tiny baby!

My baby fed all the time & only slept on someone. By the time I had fed, winded, tried for a nap I was feeding her again.

Don't forget as well with a newborn you are also recovering from giving birth so you could have stitches, be generally sore and achy, and oh so tired. So tired. Nothing compares.

Oh and if you can manage to get showered and dressed before noon 9 a.m you're doing well

You've answered your own question. IF babies sleep 14-18 hours a day. There are babies that don't sleep that long. You do also have to feed them every four hours if not more frequently and feeding can take up to an hour by the time you wind, and have to keep them sat upright so they don't puke it back up over you.

It depends on the baby. My first was a nightmare. Cried pretty much constantly. Wouldn't sleep in the day unless he was held or in his car sea. So I spent most of the early days holding him on the sofa watching telly or taking him for massive walks. My second was the opposite, really easy baby. But compared to his brother, that wasn't hard!!

Besr thing to do is offer to babysit for a friend for an afternoon or something. That’ll give you an idea.

It really depends on the baby. If you get one with the same ideas as you your laughing

PP above have it covered well. Bf or bottle makes a difference too imho purely because you physically have to be there to bf so there’s no sharing of one of the main tasks. Don’t dismiss the idea of mixed feeding is my advice.

I found it relentless with a newborn -waking every 2/3 hours (you do not go back to sleep instantanously. 10+ feeds a day. If I was lucky I would get an hour in the morning when I could haul my knackered body out of bed (every takes 5 times a long when you are sleep deprived and still recovering from the birth) when I could get dressed/brush teeth/eat breakfast/put dishwasher and a load of washing on. The rest of the day she would refused to sleep and she was a baby who wouldn’t lie happily in a sling/bouncer/rocker for hours (10 mins if lucky).

Your DP needs to put his hobbies on hold for at least 6 weeks. I was on my knees by the time DH came home every night. He played on the fucking X box as he needed ‘relax’ and have hobbies and was tired after working an 8 hour shift. Whereas I have been working since 2am with no break!!!

Not all newborns sleep that much! Mine did for the first couple of days, then cut down to 10-12 hours day and night. He did go through stretches of sleeping more, but that was fairly standard.

The major issue is that the night sleeping is often very broken. I was lucky if mine slept 45 minutes straight at night for bloody ages. The ‘sleep when the baby sleeps’ advice doesn’t work for everyone either. Mine only took short naps, and I was often too wired to sleep during the day.

That said, I never struggled to drink a hot cup of tea and genuinely didn’t find the newborn stage as bad as I’d expected. I stayed on top of the housework (because I wanted to and it made me feel better), went out a lot and actually really enjoyed it.

I did struggle to shower unless my partner was there, but some of the later stages were harder than the newborn bit for me.

Good luck!

For me the experience was a kind of 'low level' busyness. Not screaming around like you might be when you're under pressure at work, but very regular (and lovely) demands for something from the little one whatever it is. And yes, you are trying to do everything non-baby in snatches whilst they are sleeping so you don't really get big chunks of time to do stuff. I was surprised by the amount of time it takes to feed a newborn. For me it was 40min, 8 times a day, so that's over 5 hours gone before you've done anything else.
But, oh so snuggley and wonderful!! Lucky you!! Enjoy 😊

You will likely get a lot of different replies as babies are all different. From 2 weeks old my baby never slept through the day (he still doesn’t at 6 months but luckily now sleeps through the night!). It used to take him 20-30 mins to take his bottle, he had reflux so had to keep him upright for another 30 mins. A change of nappy, trying (unsuccessfully) to get him to sleep then it was time to feed again 45 mins later!! Repeat this for 24 hours, 7 days a week. My baby certainly never slept the recommended sleep for a newborn. He sleeps 10hrs a night now but no naps during the day.

Because the baby cries every time you put it down and will sleep when you’re holding it, but be awake when you not.

This! Mine also fed for 40 minutes every 1.5 - 2 hours, and both had reflux so had to be kept upright after feeding.

First child slept through the night on the day of birth. A pattern that continued. Didn't cry (so I had them referred -no they were fine), fed nicely and slept 9pm to 5am for the first week and then 10pm until 7am thereafter. They fed well during the day and I thought this is bliss. Couldn't see what all the fuss was about. Although I was ill -baby was an excellent sleeper.
Second child was a flipping nightmare. Wouldn't go to sleep for more than 20 minutes at a time. Breastfed for 12 hours straight, until I was bleeding and crying. Cried if put down for 30 seconds. Constantly sick. Constant feeding. Poo and nappy explosions every hour. I had a c section and was very ill after but discharged from hospital (as I couldn't cope with all the other babies crying in the 20 minutes I had to sleep!). No one could do anything. Experts involved -no one could do anything.
My expectations were so high from DC1 that I would sail through and that was what babies were like - I soon learnt DC wasn't 'normal' and normal is more in the middle of DC1 and 2. DC2 was the other end.

You body needs to recover whether it is birth or a CS. Hormones are all over the place (or mine where), people will make off hand comments.

Just whatever happens. Get a team of support. It is hard work. That little baby will look to you for everything and... it can be easy, or it can be hard. Whatever, have support.

With my first, who had severe reflux (until he was 5 years old):

He never slept more than 12 hours in 24. Ever.
He fed every 45 minutes
He did over 10 poos a day
He puked at every feed and in between feeds (just imagine the washing!)
He never slept more than 45 minutes unless he was being held
He screamed blue murder at being put down (this was not just crying that you can ignore )
He hated his bouncy chair

I had a shower everyday before DH left for work. However if I got covered in sick later it was tricky putting him down as he was so distraught.

I managed to eat though, by settling down on sofa with him and lots of snacks and food within arms reach.

DS2 was thankfully a hundred times easier, although I had a toddler to deal with plus birth complications so I couldn't take advantage of it!

If DD had been my first, I would say it's really easy and you just won't be able to get all the housework done but self care, washing and cooking are easily doable.

DS on the other hand, never slept, screamed when not being held and was generally hard work (totally worth it though).

Just depends what you get really.

I had a few cups of coffee go cold, either because I had my hands full breast feeding, or because I forgot they were there. Travel mug solved that problem :) plus with a screw on lid there was less chance of spilling hot coffee on the baby.

I found that the times when they did sleep fell into two categories, either I was too knackered to do anything other than sleep myself, or the 40 minute or so nap was just long enough to make a cuppa and zap something in the microwave, eat it, and get ready for the next round of happy changing and feeding.

It really depends on the baby. Some sleep all day (ds2) while some scream blue murder if you so much dare to go to the loo (dd1).

Hopefully youll get a ds2 but a top tip is try not to be smug if your mates have a dd1. They won't thank you for it and may wish for your 2nd to be like that

Well, by the time we got back from hospital I had had no sleep at all for 2 days thanks to labour and the birth. The next 2 days DS wanted to feed constantly, day and night. And after that, he would only sleep if you held him for a further 2 weeks. After that it wasn’t so bad, but there was never an opportunity to catch up on sleep from the first few weeks so you just operate in an absolute perma-haze of exhaustion.

Our DD is 2 now, but last night DH commented that I still eat my dinner at double speed as when she was a newborn I had to learn to shovel it down asap before she started screaming again. Never mind all the feeding, changing etc, she sometimes just wanted to be held or she would flip her shit. No hands for cups of tea!

Don't forget as well with a newborn you are also recovering from giving birth so you could have stitches, be generally sore and achy, and oh so tired. Or you could be recovering from major abdominal surgery.

One of the difficult features is the interruptions are random and unpredictable. You finally get baby to sleep - you don't know whether you're now going to get a 2hr nap or a 15min one. The house becomes strewn with unfinished cups of tea, hairbrushes abandoned mid-brush etc. And don't even think of starting something which would be a problem if it were interrupted.

It does depend on the baby, how well they sleep, how well they feed, how sicky they are, whether they’lol sleep anywhere but your arms, whether they have colic and scream after every feed, whether they cry a lot.

Babies aren’t blank slates, their personalities show through from day one. Some babies scream if they are bored, or lonely, or missing Mummy, or because they are tired or it’s too noisy...,

I have twins so my babies days were a little bit different but I only got a cup of tea because my DH made a flask up for me before he left the house. I was only fed because he brought me breakfast during the 5am feed and left me a sandwich in the fridge for lunchtime.

I remember spending three hours just trying to leave the house and not managing it because the babies one after the other threw up all over the pram and their clothes and then one after the other did explosive nappies in the pram.

I do have a friend who found the baby days “boring” because there wasn’t much to do. You could just as easily be like that.

Good luck with your baby. They are worth every minute of lost sleep.

I had a refluxy baby who only slept 20mins at a time, day and night for months. Some days I wouldn't even get my lunch or a shower. It was relentless, feed, wind, nappy, cry then he would need a feed again. Rinse and repeat. I found it very hard but I know others whose babies slept for hours on end! One even took hers to get her hair done! I could never have done that.

It depends entirely on what type of baby you get! Dd was grand in the day - a nappy change, feed, cuddle and I could pop her in the moses basket and shower/eat/drink/nap and she would be fine. Come 5pm she would then cluster feed till about 11/12pm and then I'd put her down for bed. I remember thinking "god! This is easier than having a puppy!" And then she hit the toddler stage and I haven't sat down for longer than 10 seconds in months. Swings and roundabouts really.

A baby’s stomach is the size of a walnut, it is using up large amounts of energy because it’s brain is developing and processing information and it is still developing physically. They need feeding very frequently, which takes time as does the cleaning and changing that comes with it. When they are newborn a feed can literally take hours! And babies like to be held, it makes them feel secure and is part of the attachment process. So a lot of time is spent doing that, and frankly it is all you will want to do! Actually, if you have a baby that eats well, they are easy to look after in comparison say to a toddler or teenager. But your body will be tired from pregnancy and birth, and biologically we are designed to be alert around them 24/7 to protect them. And then there are the hours where you stare at your baby for hours marvelling at them, babies are terrible time wasters in this way 😁So technically they do sleep a lot but it just doesn’t feel like it. It’s an amazing time, enjoy it!

If babies sleep 14-18 hours per day, what am I doing whilst baby is sleeping? What keeps you so busy and knackered?

Totally and utterly depends on what kind of human you pop out, etc. My first DIDN"T. SLEEP. Maybe nap for 30 mins - it took me 25 mins to pump, 5 mins to clean the equipment. At night he would wake every hour to two hours for the first 9 months. Then every 2 hours for the next few years. Sitting down for a cup of tea was a joke. Oh, plus he had to be in constant motion. I couldn't just sit down holding him - he would scream and scream and scream.