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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not allow my mum a +1?

153 replies

bridetobe2017 · 29/08/2018 17:45

My mum has just whatsapp'd me and said "if I play my cards right I'll have a plus one for the wedding"
I haven't even replied as I'm a bit gobsmacked. She hasn't even asked? Not sure me or my fiancé want somebody that we don't know attending either? Aibu?

OP posts:
nocoolnamesleft · 29/08/2018 17:47

Who else will be there that your mum knows and isn't coupled up?

Aprilshowersinaugust · 29/08/2018 17:48

Maybe her +1 would distract her from any unwanted meddling??
Just a thought!!

Bitchywaitress · 29/08/2018 17:48

When is the wedding? Tbh I think it would be a bit mean to not allow your DM’s new partner to attend if she does have one.

Whatsthisbear · 29/08/2018 17:48

How long until the wedding? If it’s a few months you will have time to get to know them surely. If it’s next week YWNBU to not want a stranger there

Original poster
bridetobe2017 · 29/08/2018 17:48

Two of her best friends, my MIL, my brother but admittedly he will be bringing his girlfriend. Its the first I've heard of my mum dating and just a bit shocked tbh. Trying not to be all bridezilla but I'm annoyed she. Hasn't even asked if it would be ok

OP posts:
kitkatsky · 29/08/2018 17:49

Would depend for me on when the wedding is- in the next 3 months I'd reply and say "Mum, so excited but sadly we have no space at venue but I'm so happy for you!" If Further away than 3 months there's plenty of time for it to falter or for you to meet him, in which case I'd be equally enthusiastic, but more guarded eg "So happy for you! Obv appreciate its early days for you guys, but you'll understand me and DP would like to meet him a few times beforehand if he's coming and also, hate to say but we need to confirm numbers by x date so pls keep me posted on how it's going! In meantime have fun mum! "

LuckyDiamond · 29/08/2018 17:50

My mother changes boyfriends every couple of weeks or so. If it was me there would be no plus one.

Bitchywaitress · 29/08/2018 17:50

Bit of a difference though if the wedding is next Saturday as opposed to next year! How last minute is this request?

Bestseller · 29/08/2018 17:51

Of course your mum should be allowed to bring a guest. It should have been assumed from the start that she would bring someone. Surely at most weddings there will be partners there who the B&G don't know?

Original poster
bridetobe2017 · 29/08/2018 17:51

Wedding is in six weeks

OP posts:
Original poster
bridetobe2017 · 29/08/2018 17:52

It wasn't assumed as she doesn't have a partner
And no we have exclusively not invited partners that we don't know

OP posts:
MorseandLewis · 29/08/2018 17:54

a number of issues:

parents invite typically invite and pay- so the invitation sare sent by the parents not those getting married.

Sometime that doe snot happen, however any invitation should be XX+1. It is very poor form to do anything other.

What did you do?

kaytee87 · 29/08/2018 17:54

There was a few people at my wedding I didn't know (or only vaguely knew) so that wouldn't bother me. Where would the plus 1 sit though? Surely not at top table? Then he'd be sitting with strangers?
It would be mean not to let your own mum bring a date though.
Just tell her you need final numbers by x date and a plan for where he's to sit.

Bitchywaitress · 29/08/2018 17:54

I agree with best above. I met several people for the first time at our wedding including the flower girl!

Soontobe60 · 29/08/2018 17:54

I would be telling her that if he wants, he can come in the evening, but not for the full day.

Original poster
bridetobe2017 · 29/08/2018 17:55

Invitation addressed to my mum as "mum" no plus one as she doesn't have one and have already invited her two best friends so that she wasn't lonely

OP posts:
kaytee87 · 29/08/2018 17:55

And no we have exclusively not invited partners that we don't know

That's really poor form tbh.

2Brieornot2Brie · 29/08/2018 17:55

I think it’s a bit mean not to let her bring someone. We invited all singles +1 even if we’d never met them. It’s not much fun being single at a wedding.

3WildOnes · 29/08/2018 17:55

My mum asked for a plus one a few days before. It was a pain as I had to change the seating plan but I would never have said no. She also asked for 2 evening guests the day before, I also said yes. I can understand if you don’t have a good relationship with your mum. But my own mother is amazing and has sacrificed so much for me, it’s the least I could do really.

SaucyJack · 29/08/2018 17:57

Are you sure she’s seriously trying to invite a stranger to your wedding?

Could it just not be her way of letting you know she’s excited about a date?

Try not to piss on her chips too much- assuming she’s otherwise nice and normal.

You can sort out the guest list queries later if it turns out she’s serious.

Original poster
bridetobe2017 · 29/08/2018 17:59

It might be poor form but we aren't exactly flush on cash so unless we knew them personally, they aren't coming 🤷

OP posts:
Bestseller · 29/08/2018 18:01

I don't think anyone should be asked to come to a wedding alone, if you're not inviting a couple then there should always be a plus one so I think you've been rude to other guests whose partners you don't know too.

You've seen the films where people ask a random stranger to be their plus one or employ an escort. It would be horrible go to a wedding on your own. It doesn't matter if the B&G don't know the plus one, they often don't

Ignoramusgiganticus · 29/08/2018 18:03

But she's had a plus two - her friends.

See if you meet him first and play it by ear.

kaytee87 · 29/08/2018 18:05

Well then you cut your cloth down to what you can afford. Your guests won't enjoy themselves without their partners there. My guests enjoyment was the priority in my wedding planning.

HesterMacaulay · 29/08/2018 18:05

I've never understood the concept of a +1. It seems to imply that the world should come in couples Hmm What an odd and insulting attitude.
I've been to many weddings when single and would have thought it weird to have had an invitation to HesterMacauley +1
I can't imagine adding anyone's brand new boyfriend /girlfriend to the guest list 6 weeks before the event. So YANBU in my opinion