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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not allow my mum a +1?

153 replies

bridetobe2017 · 29/08/2018 17:45

My mum has just whatsapp'd me and said "if I play my cards right I'll have a plus one for the wedding"
I haven't even replied as I'm a bit gobsmacked. She hasn't even asked? Not sure me or my fiancé want somebody that we don't know attending either? Aibu?

OP posts:
Bestseller · 29/08/2018 19:26

I felt really uncomfortable for Megan's mum at "the" wedding and felt she should have had a companion in church, even though I'm sure the Royals' manners were impeccable and she wasn't without company at the reception. She may well have chosen to go alone but in her position I'd have been uncomfortable, even without the whole world watching.

DrFoxtrot · 29/08/2018 19:27

YANBU to not want someone at the wedding your mum has only just met. She has two plus ones - her friends. I would gently point that out to her.

How do you feel about her dating? You said you were shocked and I'm wondering why. Is your father going to be there?

StroppyWoman · 29/08/2018 19:27

bimbo My mum was very invested in the whole My Only Daughter Is Getting Married.
I was not very fussed. We got married because OH's pension changed to not include unmarried partners so, after 17 years and two children, we got hitched.We did it at home, we self-catered and said no gifts. It was a top party. My mum was SO PLEASED about the whole thing that I made accommodation for her as needed.
She's my mum.
Seeing her daughter married was MASSIVE.
Just like, for many of us, seeing our children get married will be a huge deal.

sunshinesupermum · 29/08/2018 19:28

She's your mother ie Mother of the Bride. Think YABU not to let her bring a + 1. Ask her to pay the difference if you are too stretched to cover the extra cost.

kaytee87 · 29/08/2018 19:34

@PlatypusPie op said she wasn't inviting peoples partners** to the wedding. To me that means husbands/wife's or live in partners. It's poor form not to invite someone's partner to a wedding.

PuntCuffin · 29/08/2018 19:37

We had no 'plus ones' at our wedding.That, to me, is 'poor form' from an etiquette perspective. Couple invitations are for married couples and established relationships only where I come from. Not just so that people don't have to turn up alone.
Similarly, when single, I never received one, nor would I expect to.
Why should a B&G pay for some random friend or new squeeze that they have never or barely met? Confused

Atalune · 29/08/2018 19:39

She clearly wants some arm candy for the day. I do find it odd. I agree with you OP.

LagunaBubbles · 29/08/2018 19:39

My guests enjoyment was the priority in my wedding planning

Absolutely this. So many couples put zero thought into this as long as they have THEIR perfect day that's all that matters. Nope. If I wanted someone at my wedding and I didn't know their partner there's no way I wouldn't invite them. A wedding after all is the ultimate party celebrating 2 people in a relationship.

NameChange30 · 29/08/2018 19:44

“So I spoke to my mum and it turns out she hadn't even met the guy and isn't meeting him for another 12 days, meaning by this point it'll only be 4 weeks until the wedding!”

😂

I’m hoping it was just her clumsy way of telling you she had a date lined up, and she wasn’t serious about bringing him - I’m pretty sure it would scare most people off to be invited to their date’s child’s wedding within less that a month of the first date!

HollowTalk · 29/08/2018 19:44

Are your parents divorced? Will your dad be there with a partner?

FromNowOn · 29/08/2018 19:45

She’s not even meeting him until 4 weeks prior to the wedding? No, fuck no.

Don’t forget he will be in all your photos.

Original poster
bridetobe2017 · 29/08/2018 20:06

She definitely wants him there, as she said she'll have somebody to sit beside
My dad won't be at the wedding.
Me and my mum aren't very close tbh and she's never spoke of having/needing a plus 1 before hence not giving her one

OP posts:
Atalune · 29/08/2018 20:09

Tricky.....

Well just go with the flow and let her have one.

NameChange30 · 29/08/2018 20:14

“She definitely wants him there, as she said she'll have somebody to sit beside”

Cheeky fucker! Won’t she have two friends, one to sit on each side?!

She doesn’t have a plus one, she has a plus two and is asking for a third.

I expect there is a reason you’re not close and expect she will scare off this new guy by wanting to bring him to the wedding... hopefully if he has any sense he will politely decline.

HelloToYou · 29/08/2018 20:16

Just tell her no.

Eemamc · 29/08/2018 20:20

We decided that guests could only have named plus ones. We didn’t really want randoms at our wedding. We were really tight on numbers, so it just didn’t seem fair to not invite some friends, whilst others brought random plus ones. People with established partners all had their partners invited. All the single people were part of big friendship groups attending the wedding, so no one was on their own. There was one guy who was single and knew others but wasn’t really close to anyone except my husband. We gave him a plus one so he wouldn’t feel lonely, but he chose not to bring anyone...fair enough. We sat him with people we knew he’d get on with, and even offered him accommodation at the wedding venue on the night of the wedding (he actually ended up hooking up with the lovely young lady we sat him with at the reception!) I think it’s completely reasonable to not have a blanket plus one policy. If you’ve considered that no one will be on their own then that’s fine. I also wanted to be able to name everyone in my wedding photos, and in theory for my future children to know who all those people were...so they were somehow meaningful in my life. Looking at my mum and dad’s wedding album I barely know anyone in there...they only got married 2 years before I was born...they can’t have been that important to them if I didn’t grow up knowing who they were. I had that thought in my mind, as I invited people...will my future children know who these people are from our wedding photos

FromNowOn · 29/08/2018 20:41

But he won’t know her friends, she barely knows him and will spend the whole wedding keeping him entertained. Why have her friends there then? I can’t imagine they’ll be too happy being ignored for some bloke she’s just met.

littlestrawby · 29/08/2018 20:45

maybe that message was more about her telling you she might have met someone special than being specifically about your wedding? Use it as an opportunity to discuss this new person in her life and broach the wedding invite issue later!

dustarr73 · 29/08/2018 20:48

Well op ask her which one of her friends hes taking the place of.And tell her she has the tell the friend they are uninvited.

Anyway how can he sit beside her,are you having a top table?

Casmama · 29/08/2018 20:55

Totally agree with others- “lovely if you hit it off mum but you need to be the one to decide and inform one of your friends that they are uninvited! Numbers are finalised.”

TinyTickler · 29/08/2018 20:56

Its your mum. Don't be so mean.

BuntyII · 29/08/2018 20:58

She's your mother, she brought you into this world and wiped your arse for years, let her having a +1 and stop being so bloody mean and miserable.

FromNowOn · 29/08/2018 21:00

I wonder if the posters saying stop being mean have read the thread and seen that the Mum will have only known this bloke for 4 weeks.

BuntyII · 29/08/2018 21:02

'Why should a B&G pay for some random friend or new squeeze that they have never or barely met? '

Because your friend/family member has probably spent a fortune coming to your wedding, bought you a gift and would like to bring someone along to keep them company? Because weddings are horribly dull? Because they're doing YOU a favour not the other way round??

BuntyII · 29/08/2018 21:02

@FromNowOn yes I have.

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