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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not allow my mum a +1?

153 replies

bridetobe2017 · 29/08/2018 17:45

My mum has just whatsapp'd me and said "if I play my cards right I'll have a plus one for the wedding"
I haven't even replied as I'm a bit gobsmacked. She hasn't even asked? Not sure me or my fiancé want somebody that we don't know attending either? Aibu?

OP posts:
kaytee87 · 29/08/2018 18:06

@HesterMacaulay a plus one would generally be a friend in my experience if you're single, not a partner as partners would be named on an invitation. Most people enjoy events more if they have someone to go with, chat to and have a dance with.

Bestseller · 29/08/2018 18:07

But you don't add the new boyfriend to the guest list you assume from the beginning that the friend will bring "someone". Not necessarily a partner, it could just as well be a friend.

FromNowOn · 29/08/2018 18:09

Do the people you’ve invited without their partners know other people at the wedding?

No I don’t think your mum should have a +1 btw. She’s got her friends. Would she expect this person to sit at the top table?! If you’re having one of course.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 29/08/2018 18:11

We did the same as @Kaytee. Everyone who was single had a plus one as it was important to us that people enjoyed themselves. It was down to them if they brought someone but we wanted people to have the option. I wouldn't want to go to a wedding on my own so I didn't want anyone else to feel they had to.

HesterMacaulay · 29/08/2018 18:13

That's precisely what I find weird kaytee87. The idea that you can't have fun as a single person so you'd need to bring a friend (who presumably has no connection to the couple) to a wedding.

wombatsears · 29/08/2018 18:14

That's really poor form tbh.

No it's not. If there's limited spacing why should you forsake people you actually want there so you can accommodate people you've never met.

Original poster
bridetobe2017 · 29/08/2018 18:14

But @kaytee I've invited her two best friends, who she's known both for well over 10 years, she's not going to be on her own.
We cut our cloth accordingly, can't afford partners so they aren't coming.
Two of my friends have just got into relationships and understands that the invitations were sent well before now so obviously they aren't bringing their partners

OP posts:
AnotherRandomMale · 29/08/2018 18:17

If I was getting married and my (prematurely a widower) Dad announced he had a +1, I'd be stoked for him.

Loneliness is one of the most mentally destructive facets of modern life.

A wedding should be a relaxed and fun celebration where you graciously host your nearest & dearest, and show a bit of flexibility - not some stage managed Hello magazine Bridezilla egofest. Just my opinion mind.

HesterMacaulay · 29/08/2018 18:17

PinkSparklyPussyCat do you mean you wouldn't want to go to a wedding on your own even if you knew other people there? Mutual friends/ family?
If you knew absolutely no one other than either than the bride or groom I could understand it but I'm struggling to imagine being invited to wedding in those circumstances

AhNowTed · 29/08/2018 18:19

OP I'm reading her text more of a "if I play my cards right I could be in here 😏" as opposed to I need a plus 1.

Seems she excited about a new man, rather than assuming an invite.

PrincessConsuelaBannanaHammock · 29/08/2018 18:20

I've always thought not inviting a plus one is a bit rude.
I know if I were to attend a wedding, especially if it were a wedding where I wouldn't know a lot of people I would prefer to have a partner or friend with me.
I understand what you mean about having her best friends there but I don't think she's unreasonable to want a plus one either.

CocoLoco87 · 29/08/2018 18:20

Just tell her that you invited her 2 friends instead of a plus 1. Or you can assume she is joking and deal with the issue if she actually asks you specifically about it again.

KnotsInMay · 29/08/2018 18:22

Is it a jokey way of telling you she is seeing someone?

Look, on the day, someone won’t make it. Your Mum bringing someone is totally different to a friend. Try to be relaxed about this and see how it pans out.

FromNowOn · 29/08/2018 18:23

Why is not inviting a plus 1 rude? Surely it depends on who is at the wedding. A friend of mine asked for a plus 1, she was at the wedding with a group of great mates, why would she need a plus 1? My wedding wasn’t date night. I would invite all long term partners though.

KnotsInMay · 29/08/2018 18:24

Yes, she is excited about a new man. (Or woman). Try to look outside your bridal ivory tower and take an interest in her life rather than making it all about you and your wedding.

BakedBeans47 · 29/08/2018 18:26

I don’t think it is unreasonable, she’s not got a partner, it really isn’t reasonable I don’t think to bring some random bloke she’ll have known for a max of 6 weeks.

StealthNinjaMum · 29/08/2018 18:28

Anyone else other than a close relative and I'd find it cheeky. I think you need to talk to her to find out more about how serious she is with this guy.

I hope this isn't too personal but will your dad be there with a partner? If he has moved on maybe she wants to be seen to have done the same thing.

HesterMacaulay · 29/08/2018 18:28

AnotherRandomMale actually I think it's the obsession with being in a couple that causes a great deal of loneliness.
Couples socialising with other couples not groups of friends. A single friend being considered awkward or needing someone else to make up the numbers or 'even things out"

thecatsthecats · 29/08/2018 18:29

I asked all of my single friends upfront if they wanted plus ones. They all unequivocally said no! Who the hell wants to babysit a plus one when you're with all your friends?!

Etiquette is behind the times on these things, I reckon. As a guest, I'd rather attend a better funded wedding alone than have money spunked on strangers!

PieAndPumpkins · 29/08/2018 18:31

It's not unreasonable at all for you to say no. When this relationship of hers doesn't work out, or it turns sour, that random stranger will have always been a part of your special day. It would be a firm nope from me.

ReservoirDogs · 29/08/2018 18:32

Poor form! In the Victorian Times maybe Grin

Has time elapsed too much to reply: "Haha Mum - you nearly got me there ! As if you'd be bringing some random to my wedding?"

thecatsthecats · 29/08/2018 18:32

Oh and I barely see my fiance at weddings - we're always talking to other people!

DickensianHysteric · 29/08/2018 18:33

It's in six weeks?! No way. I'd be telling her nice try but no invite for the random guy (or gal) that's she's only just met.

diddl · 29/08/2018 18:33

Does she mean that she's got her eye on someone & she's hoping to start seeing them?

If the wedding is 6weeks away, isn't she likely to scare them off if she asks?

I mean a plus one to an evening do after a short time might be OK.

Plus one of the mother of the bride after a few weeks?

I think I'd just reply "hahahaha".

PragmaticWench · 29/08/2018 18:33

If it is a request for a +1 invitation, rather than just telling you that she's dating, then would you agree on the proviso that you'd met the person before the wedding?

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