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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not allow my mum a +1?

153 replies

bridetobe2017 · 29/08/2018 17:45

My mum has just whatsapp'd me and said "if I play my cards right I'll have a plus one for the wedding"
I haven't even replied as I'm a bit gobsmacked. She hasn't even asked? Not sure me or my fiancé want somebody that we don't know attending either? Aibu?

OP posts:
Weepingangels · 29/08/2018 21:07

Tell her that a plus one, especially a random she hasn't even met yet, is not invited. Tell her now before she keeps going on about it.

WaterOffaDucksCrack · 29/08/2018 21:45

She's your mum! Let her have a plus one, will it really impact "your big day" by allowing him to be there? She gave you life after all Grin Plus ones in general wouldn't bother me as a guest as long as I knew someone. I go to loads of stuff alone, was single for a while and my current boyfriend and I work different shifts so it's difficult to both be at stuff but we're both very independent. But I would absolutely invite a plus one for my mum.

rainbowlou · 29/08/2018 21:52

I wonder if he would even want to go? He won’t know anyone and will have only known your mum for a few weeks!
If I was him I’d feel really awkward and probably decline anyway.

SinkGirl · 29/08/2018 21:59

I’d let her bring a date but don’t let her sneak him into too many group photos - last thing you want is (potentially) some bloke your Mum dated for a couple of months in all your family shots. In fact, if it goes sour, will she get upset every time she looks at the photos?
can you tell I’m talking from personal experience?

SinkGirl · 29/08/2018 22:00

Oops - strike through fail

HouseworkIsASin10 · 29/08/2018 22:11

She's already got a +2 with her close friends. Just ask her which friend she wants to swap him with.

I wouldn't want some randomer on my wedding pics.

PuntCuffin · 29/08/2018 22:16

Bollocks Buntyll going to someone's wedding isn't doing them a favour. I don't go to weddings out of some sort of sense of obligation. I go because I care about the people involved and want to celebrate with them. Most weddings I have been too, including my own, the cost/guest is far higher than the cost to attend. I don't find them dull, but I sure as hell would if I was the 'plus one' at a wedding where I knew absolutely nobody except the person I was randomly tagging along with.

MaisyPops · 29/08/2018 22:20

People who are saying the OP is mean to not give her mother an invite to their latest boyfriend of 6 weeks (max as she's still saying if I play my cards right so hardly a relationship), have you realised the OP has already given her a +2 and invited 2 of her mum's friends to keep her company?

Your child's wedding is not the place you show off your latest fella who you've been seeing a couple of weeks.

Maelstrop · 29/08/2018 22:25

Just text back saying ‘We already gave you a plus two with Joan and Meg. We are not happy to have an unknown man at our wedding’. She is being vu.

KarmaStar · 29/08/2018 22:39

Congratulations on your forthcoming wedding op!Flowers
I would be happy if my mum wanted to bring someone,maybe she has got caught up in the excitement of meeting someone special and wants to show him off at your wedding?
It will be lovely to see your mum happy on the day,so I'd hide any irritation and let her bring him,as a pm has said,it might give you a big more space.have a fantastic day.

Meandyoumake2 · 29/08/2018 22:49

Maybe she's just letting you know about the man? If she's actually dating him could you give him an evening invite??

sirmione16 · 29/08/2018 22:58

Plus it's so early days (4 weeks come on) for a plus one to be at the wedding!! Imagine if it all goes tits up the week after - this guy is in your pictures for the rest of your life.

She is being unbelievably unreasonable considering you've allowed and paid for two of her friends.

Maybe suggest she can bring him to the reception if all goes well but she's not to bring him to the ceremony/meal ?

HesterMacaulay · 29/08/2018 23:04

I can't understand all these people saying "if it makes her happy just invite him .." Surely to god the mother of the bride should be happy because her daughter's getting married?? (Plus she's got her family and 2 best friends there ...) How sad that the occasion itself doesn't make her happy. But the OP is supposed to suck it up and invite a man she's never met to her wedding? And considering not doing so makes her a bridezilla?? FFS.

garethsouthgatesmrs · 29/08/2018 23:14

6 weeks? YANBU. If it was next year then I would say you were but presumably you've had to pay deposits and confirm numbers by now. She night have just been joking.

MaisyPops · 30/08/2018 08:19

Iwould be happy if my mum wanted to bring someone,maybe she has got caught up in the excitement of meeting someone special and wants to show him off at your wedding?
Her daughter's wedding isn't the place to show off her boyfriend of a couple of weeks (considering she's told the OP she might have a +1 if she plays her cards right).
It will be lovely to see your mum happy on the day,so I'd hide any irritation and let her bring him,
Her child is getting married. She has a family day. She has 2 friends there. She should be happy. If she can't be happy at her child's wedding without her latest shag then she needs to get a grip.

DisgustedofSouthend · 30/08/2018 08:30

Can he come in the evening? will you have an evening do with different guests?

StealthNinjaMum · 30/08/2018 09:11

Op a couple of us have asked if you have a dad who will be bringing a partner? If that's the case it could explain your mum wanting to bring someone to not feel alone.

Amaaboutthis · 30/08/2018 09:17

She’s your mum. Seriously, if it makes her happy what difference? It won’t kill you

Insaneinthamembrane · 30/08/2018 09:21

I don't see the problem, how would it affect you, I would want my guests to be happy.

FromNowOn · 30/08/2018 09:21

But her mum already has a plus 2.

diddl · 30/08/2018 09:28

I think it's really sad that your mum is so desperate to have a man with her that she wants to ask someone who she might only have been dating for a couple of weeks.

I also think it's sad that so many think that Op shouldn't think about herself on her wedding day & just invite him even though she doesn't want to.

It's your wedding OP & ypu have already decided who to invite-stik with it!

HesterMacaulay · 30/08/2018 09:37

OK has already said her dad is not coming

HesterMacaulay · 30/08/2018 09:37

OP not oK

StealthNinjaMum · 30/08/2018 09:41

Sorry I missed that.

Excited101 · 30/08/2018 09:47

Could it be just her way of telling you she’s dating?

Not a chance he should be invited though, and unless she’s very very lucky she’s going to need to rejig her expectations for dating, she hasn’t even met the guy and wants to bring him to her daughters wedding 4 weeks later? Not going to happen for many reasons.