To ask people to pay- 40th birthday party?

[1981m]

Hi all
Looking for some advice and thought her most responses on AIBU.

It's my dh 40th birthday soon. He doesn't want a fuss but I have managed to persuade him to mark the occasion in a small way.

We are going to go to my parents holiday house for the weekend with 3 couples and their dcs. I had the idea to have a sit down meal provided by and served by caterers. This will be adults only after kids gone to bed. This works out about £25 pp for three course meal plus cheeses. AIBU to ask people to pay for this? We are providing the house and all facilities so apart from food it would be only expense for everyone.

We were planning on providing and paying for the drinks that evening for everyone too OR the food and people bring own drinks? Which do you think would be best?

We have been to a few birthdays with a sit down meal and set menu and have always been asked to pay per person before.

[puzzledlady]

^^ nope.

[PurpleFlower1983]

You need to pay for the food and provide some drinks, at least a few wine/soft drink options.

[spikeyiscool]

Is this one of those ridiculous reverse threads? It has to be, surely?

[pasttimes11]

I wish i was your friend, i'd be delighted to get an invite to a lovely cottage for a weekend to only have to pay £25 and get fee drinks. It's acceptable to pay your own way in restaurants for a birthday bash, why should it be different at a cottage.

[puzzledlady]

Message was to nanny0gg - I’ve never been asked to. I’ve offered but turned down.

[serbska]

No. You pay for it yourself FFS.

You don't invite people away with you to your parents house for dinner, and ask guests to fucking pay for it.

Cook yourself if you can't afford this catering cost.

Honestly! Some people are clueless.

[PrincessAvaR]

@Nanny0gg The difference with being invited out to a restaurant is you get a choice of what you want to eat. I think the general consensus on this thread is that if the guests are going to get no choice in the food then why should they be expected to pay?

[ajandjjmum]

I can understand the parents making a charge to people staying at their holiday home. My parents had a villa, loads of people used it, and they never charged them. They were way out of pocket.

Having said that, as a pp suggested, surely your parents could waive the charge for you, as a birthday present?

[bluebird3]

I think you'd be better off just asking for a weekend contribution of say £30/couple to contribute to the cost. If it's the done thing in your group of friends and they know before they accept/decline then I don't see a problem?

I'm also not sure why everyone is jumping down your throat. You were obviously coming on here to seek opinions so that you didn't end up a cf.

[MorseandLewis]

Order a guosto delivery and cook it together, obviously you pay.

[Bluelady]

We've already established that a meal in a restaurant is an entirely different deal to a catered meal in the host's house. Having said that, we paid for everything for a big birthday last year which we held in a commercial private dining room.

[Bluntness100]

This is so cringe. I actually can't believe your own parents will take twenty quid off you to stay in their home. And that you wanted to charge your guests for their food. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

I had a big party at rhe weekend, I'm trying to imagine charging my guests for their food drink or accommodation.

If you can't afford it don't hold it. End of. So yes you need to pay.

[PatriciaHolm]

So everyone saying she's BU, would you not expect to pay if invited to a restaurant to celebrate a special birthday?

In my social circle by age 40, no - the host paid. But relative incomes at that stage were/are such that we can all afford it.

Plus I would be reluctant to pay for a fixed menu meal because I know from experience that it's unlikely to be anything I would myself choose.

In the circumstances of the OP, a catered meal in a holiday home, I would take copious amounts of champagne but would be somewhat surprised by a bill for the meal.

[serbska]

FYI it is acceptable to ask people to bring a couple of bottles with them of whatever they want to drink, but you should provide a good selection of softies and some additional alcohol float.

[Loonoon]

I would be mortified to charge guests for food in my home whether it was our main house or our holiday home. They are my guests and it is my privilege to host them. That applied when I first left home and I lived in a bedsit and served baked potatoes and pizza with Lambrusco Rosso as much as it does now when I can cook a posh meal ( or hire caterers) and serve naice wine and gin.

That being said, I don’t think I have ever been left significantly ‘out of pocket’ after entertaining. People are generally very appreciative and generous with bottles of wine etc.

OP- I’m glad to see you are doing the right thing and covering the costs of caterers yourself. I am sure your guests will be equally generous with their drink contributions.

[SandyY2K]

I think you should pay for everything. Most people would go out and buy some drinks ad a courtesy...At least a bottle...but I wouldn't expect it.

As you're planning the catering it wouldn't be good to ask for payment.

If you can't afford it, then perhaps rethink what to do.

[longwayoff]

???? Joke,surely?

[user1457017537]

I can’t cope with the fact that nowadays everyone wants to make everything about the green. Do you really have to balance your DH’s 40th birthday celebrations so that you are not out of pocket financially.

[ineedtostopbeingsolazy]

Its not the same as deciding to go away for the weekend and rent a house with your friends, it's your parents house so they assume you're not paying for it.

[sickmumma]

What I would do is perhaps ask that they provide their own drinks for the weekend but that you guys would sort the food? As some
People don't like standard wine etc so they can bring something they prefer. And I would pay the £60 to your parents too. If you can't afford to do this then I would find an alternative.

[Ginorchoc]

I wouldn’t have an issue contributing to the cost.

[Electrack]

It's hardly CF we are inviting them down for an entire weekend to a house in a well sort after area. We would pay for food OR drinks.

Food or drinks for that meal only though. Your guests will incur travel costs and likely to spend more during the rest of the weekend than they would at home so yes they're getting the accommodation for free but the weekend will cost them more than the £25pp contribution to the catered meal

[SandyY2K]

So everyone saying she's BU, would you not expect to pay if invited to a restaurant to celebrate a special birthday?

I'd pay if invited and I went, but for my own restaurant meal I wouldn't ask for payment. I'd cover the whole bill.

I know some people say they'll pay for the food...but guests pay for drinks....because some people drink like fish when others are paying.

The key is choosing a place you can afford.

[serbska]

So everyone saying she's BU, would you not expect to pay if invited to a restaurant to celebrate a special birthday?

Actually people in my circle do generally pay for their own parties.

If you want a party, you pay.

If you can't afford that - do something smaller, cheaper, or drinks/dinner at home.

[TheIcon]

I have dietary needs and the thought of spending £50 to spend a couple of days with DPs friends and food I cant eat is horrific.