To ask people to pay- 40th birthday party?

[1981m]

Hi all
Looking for some advice and thought her most responses on AIBU.

It's my dh 40th birthday soon. He doesn't want a fuss but I have managed to persuade him to mark the occasion in a small way.

We are going to go to my parents holiday house for the weekend with 3 couples and their dcs. I had the idea to have a sit down meal provided by and served by caterers. This will be adults only after kids gone to bed. This works out about £25 pp for three course meal plus cheeses. AIBU to ask people to pay for this? We are providing the house and all facilities so apart from food it would be only expense for everyone.

We were planning on providing and paying for the drinks that evening for everyone too OR the food and people bring own drinks? Which do you think would be best?

We have been to a few birthdays with a sit down meal and set menu and have always been asked to pay per person before.

Your cleaners saw you coming, loveka.

I don't think your parents are tight. Probably can't afford to keep the 2nd house unless everyone chips in. Fair dos.
Personally I would be embarrassed not to chip in. And would never expect people to pay for my weekend away birthday or not. if I didn't want to go I just wouldn't go.

Yabu and a cf on this. If at a restaurant people pay for whole meal but in someones home its a huge huge no no unless eg for a xmas meal each family member before agrees to buy eg the turkey, wine, pidding but fir a birthday party, no

Own not whole

Blue lady, if you can thoroughly clean a 4 bedroom house, 3 bathrooms, large kitchen, dining room, sitting room, sweep patio, clean barbeque to holiday let standards, plus wash and dry and iron 2 superking bedsets, 4 single bedsets, 16 towels, 4 bathmats for less than that then you can have a job.

One of many examples of people talking rubbish about something they know nothing about!

Holiday let cleaning has to be done to very exacting standards, so no, my cleaner didn't see me coming. It is the going rate, and probably costs more in South East or Cotswolds.

You've asked if you think you are BU, Everybody thinks you are.

I think you are looking for one person to say that you are well within your rights to do this, and then that will satisfy you.

You have invited to people to come and stop with you as guests, not paying guests.

I would ditch the idea of catered food and go for something that includes the kids as well.

Dear God, your parents are beyond tight
I agree. No way would my parents charge me for something like this.
But each to their own.

And I DON'T think you ABU actually.
If you were going out for a meal then they would expect to pay.
And as an invitee, I would ask if there was anything to pay to help out!

If it was a party you were putting on then people would have to pay for a hotel or taxi's etc.... (as I did from BF 40th and they in-turn for mine as it was in another country)
I don't see how this is any different.

hells because you ask upfront so people know the plan and can decide whether to come.

If it was a party you were putting on then people would have to pay for a hotel or taxi's etc.... (as I did from BF 40th and they in-turn for mine as it was in another country)
I don't see how this is any different.

...and many of your invited guests probably wouldn't come.

This isn't a once-in-a-lifetime wedding. It's a 40th, with 3 or 4 couples invited.

If you really expect your guests (outside best friends) to be willing/able do this, you're being unrealistic.

As a host, you host. Charging people £20 p/couple for accommodation that they kind of have to stay in as part of the invitation, is really not great. It's such a small token amount, that you're really, really better off not passing it on at all.

Yes, £20 per couple adds up to a whopping £80 for all 4 couples. Well, that's just part of the hosting costs, and it's minimal, really.

I don't know about other people, but if I'm hosting, I expect to bear the brunt of the costs. I don't share it out among guests. Everyone contributes something - nobody comes empty handed. But actually sharing the hard costs of the event is just not on.

Arf at "we're providing the house!" Don't make an arse of yourself asking for an admission fee, just don't.

Erm, actually think it's perfectly fine to ask. They can always say no.... It's a lot to expect the hosts to pay for imo

They can always say no.... It's a lot to expect the hosts to pay for imo

But no one expects the host to bring in caterers. And I'm sure they don't expect to be charged to stay one night at her parents house. It's not even 24 hours.

Do you charge folks to stay at your house? Do your guests email you and tell you to get thr caterers in? I certainly wouldn't charge my child for the use of my home, and I certainly don't know any one who would ask me to get caterers in.

It really isn't. It's less than £300. Call it £350 by the time you've bought some wine and breakfast food at Lidl/Aldi. If you want to entertain, you pay for it. Simple rules of hospitality.

Why don’t you just run the idea past your friends and see if they’re up for it?

I suspect the posters who are frothing at the mouth at the idea of parting with cash are the same ones who attend parties without a gift and send their kids to birthday parties with no gift. "Our presence is your present" - with the real aim of spending nothing, ever. Screeching about hosts paying for everything and carefully never doing any hosting of their own.

Omg CF
I would not attend you can't expect people to pay!

No, fatty, we're the ones who know what the term "hosting" means.
And who wouldn't dream of inviting friends for a meal if we couldn't cover the cost ourselves.

That would be really rude. They may offer to buy food or wine but don't accept. It's very poor etiquette. You aren't providing the house - you didn't pay for it.

I think what you are suggeting sounds lovely and if it was for one of my friends' 4pth bday I would have literally no problem with any of that, £25 for 3 courses and cheese sounds great

If you can't afford the catering, don't get caterers in.

You are hosting a party in what is basically your house. You cannot ask people to pay for the catering or the $20 payment to your parents. I think you'll find your guests will offer gifts of wine or other nice drinks as a birthday present, which is something you can suggest if anyone asks what they can bring. I'm sure your friends have good manners and will insist on contributing at least a bottle to the celebration.

They will probably also offer to cook one of the other meals at the weekend, or pick up your check if you eat a meal out to say thank you for hosting the weekend. So it will probably even out a bit without you having to ask them for money.

If I was your friend I would offer to pay something for the weekend accommodation but I think if you are having a party then you don't ask them to pay. However perfectly reasonable to say "bring a bottle"

Its your idea of a birthday celebration for DH therefore you should pay. Just about as bad as someone asking wedding guests to pay for their meal. If you are lucky some of your guests may offer a contribution.

Another one who can't see the problem here. I wouldn't expect you to pay for a three course meal. Providing all the booze and a lovely weekend sounds generous enough to me.

No if you’ve invited these people to celebrate DH 40th birthday then you should pay for them!! If you can’t afford it then look for a cheaper option