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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to throttle the snoring DP on the maternity ward?

152 replies

Lilyabelle · 28/08/2018 03:13

I’m currently staying on a maternity ward in hospital after a truly horrible day having my yet to be born baby’s movements monitored. I’m feeling so sick with worry, exhausted and uncomfortable. All I want is to sleep for a few hours. It’s just me and one other couple in a room with 4 bays. There’s a man snoring away like an absolute beast and I can’t get any rest at all. As I’m not about to give birth or have just given birth I really don’t want to ask to be moved as I don’t feel entirely justified. What makes it worse is this couple have been so Inconsiderate all sodding day, playing films really loudly and talking at such a volume it’s almost like they’re yelling at each other. When I had my first DC I was also kept awake post birth by a snorer but I wasn’t as bothered as I had a beautiful baby to look at all night and the other snorer’s DP had just had a baby themselves. But this warthog - I’m not really sure why he’s here... How do I get through this endless night?!

OP posts:
Amanduh · 28/08/2018 07:51

Oh and all my thoughts are with you OP, good luck Flowers

OutPinked · 28/08/2018 07:55

Men are allowed on maternity wards now. They weren’t when I had my DC1&2, it changed by 2012 when I had DC3 in my trust. I’m glad they are as well, it was absolutely horrible having my xH turfed out in the early hours shortly after I’d experienced a traumatic delivery. I cried all night and especially with DC1, I just had no bloody idea what I was doing!

Anyway, good luck OP and all the best Flowers.

Mammyofasuperbaby · 28/08/2018 08:04

Thinking of you op, I had my DS at 33 weeks so totally understand the fears.
The best advice I can give you is to look for parents of preemies UK on fb. It's an amazing group of about 5000+ preemie parents with advice on every aspect of having a baby early. They allow you to join even if you are only at risk of having a baby early and your contractions stop.
We'd gladly hold your hand though every step

SnuggyBuggy · 28/08/2018 08:08

I'm glad there weren't men overnight when I had DD. I had to keep going to the kitchen to get water during the night and it was so much easier just being able to go in my nightie.

NapQueen · 28/08/2018 08:10

Its crap that mother and baby (you know, the people who actually need to be there) are being disturbed and robbed of sleep by a visitor. Its a properly shit situation that should not be allowed.

PurpleFlower1983 · 28/08/2018 08:14

Thinking of you OP, good luck Flowers

SnuggyBuggy · 28/08/2018 08:16

And as people said I thought hospitals had to pay a fine for mixed sex wards.

ThePants999 · 28/08/2018 08:22

It's totally standard that partners are allowed 24/7 on maternity wards now.

However, both that I've been in had a policy that any partners disturbing other patients would be asked to leave. Sadly, on one of them at least, it was just empty words - DW got bugger all sleep thanks to a couple of partners that snored loudly or were constantly making phone calls, and complained multiple times but nothing happened.

RedPill · 28/08/2018 08:22

Someone close to me gave birth two days ago, it was an incredibly painful labour and an even more traumatic birth. I'm glad she was able to have her husband by her side for support

Theresnodisneyending · 28/08/2018 08:24

I had this a few times. In one case, male parter snoring his motherfucking head off, in one case waking 3 of the babies in the room with a start twice in one night, let alone waking us mothers up.

Belleende · 28/08/2018 08:24

Hope all is going well. I had this too when I went in for an induction. Only 3 on the ward. Two couples and me. I knew from the last time that getting some sleep was critical and was prepared to ask for what I needed to get some kip.

As soon as I was drifting off to sleep the snoring started. It was unreal. Ear plugs did little to block it. I went to the nursing station and asked that he be moved into the day room. Turns out it was the mum!

They let me kip in another room.

Turkkadin · 28/08/2018 08:24

They didn't allow this nonsense when I had mine and everyone survived. The mothers sleep should come before anyone else's surely?
Men can snore so bloody loudly. You don't even want it at home let alone when you are going into labour!

I wish I had gone private but we couldn't afford it do it never crossed my mind. It's something I'm going to recommend to my daughters!

DartmoorDoughnut · 28/08/2018 08:27

Hope they’ve managed to stop labour OP and you’re getting some sleep Flowers

NapQueen · 28/08/2018 08:28

RedPill no one is suggesting these men shouldnt be there for the birth. But overnight on antenatal/postnatal wards? No. Delivery suite only.

AndInShortIWasAfraid · 28/08/2018 08:30

Hope you're OK, OP. DH's SIL gave birth at 29 weeks two years ago and their DD is perfectly fine and such a beautiful little girl.

I gave birth in March and DH was definitely not allowed to stay so maybe it's different across the UK.

WizardOfToss · 28/08/2018 08:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tiredmama1 · 28/08/2018 08:42

Thinking of you OP! I gave birth at 28 weeks, it's terrifying, but my little girl is 9 months now and totally perfect. Hope they can postpone yours a bit longer though xx

Lazypuppy · 28/08/2018 08:48

My partner was allowed to stay on the ward after our LO was born, but he had to sleep in the chair.

I thought it was lovely, i was in a room of 8 women and every man did stay, as meant they didn't have to miss out on baby's first 24hrs and were there to support their partners.

I loved it as meant my partner could have the baby whilst i went and showeredcand made myself feel more normal again!

CaledonianQueen · 28/08/2018 08:48

Is it an antenatal ward OP? As in the other couple are pregnant too, rather than postnatal? I am really surprised that he was allowed to stay overnight! I laboured alone on an induction ward overnight because the midwife refused to allow my husband on the ward and refused to believe me when I told her that I was in labour. I had been in the antenatal ward for six weeks on bed rest and there were many times where my sleep was disturbed by the snoring/ talking/ singing/ loud prayer of others. Unfortunately it is the price that you pay for having wards instead of single rooms.

Good luck with your delivery OP, I am so sorry that your precious baby is arriving so early, although it sounds like they will be safer out if their movements had drastically reduced. You are 30 weeks which whilst early is not overly so. An acquaintance I know, went into labour at thirty weeks, her baby boy was a good size when born and they were home within a month. Sending prayers for a safe delivery and zero complications for your little one.

SnuggyBuggy · 28/08/2018 08:49

I would have liked to have DH but it wouldn't have been fair if there were any women there who didn't have a chaperone.

Lazypuppy · 28/08/2018 08:52

@SnuggyBuggy wouldn't have bothered me. All the partners there were so focused on partners and babies. I didn't really think anything off it and was sat there breastfeeding with the curtain open.

I wandered around in my pj's as i would have done if it was just women

noobs18 · 28/08/2018 08:55

@BarrackerBarmer chill out, this is not a breach! Lots of maternity wards allow partners to stay in with the mum nowadays. When I had ds I was so glad dh was able to stay with us the whole time we were in hospital. All hospitals should offer this imo

SnuggyBuggy · 28/08/2018 08:56

I'd have felt very vulnerable walking around in nightclothes in front of strange men, especially at night.

I think there is maybe a case for a more secure set of rooms for very unwell mums who need their partners but they shouldn't be mixing with other women.

MingeUterusMingeMingeYoni · 28/08/2018 08:57

I don't think you need to put your big girl pants on at all. In a complicated pregnancy, you getting rest is important. Especially if delivery might be soon.

This is just one of the reasons why partners staying overnight is a shit idea. They shouldn't be there. Potentially doubling the number of people in a room inevitably increases the risk that one of them will be a problem snorer, and would do even if men and women were equally likely to snore (men do it slightly more). Also in some hospitals, and it seems like in this one, the antenatal and postnatal patients are on mixed wards.

And regardless of the ward's policy, you shouldn't have to be nursed in a ward where people of the opposite sex are sleeping. Say something to the staff, you have every right.

Best of luck.

Zigazagazoo · 28/08/2018 08:59

Hope you’re ok op.

I had my dh on the postnatal ward after having dd. Thank god because I could barely move to care for dd. He was a godsend.

There wasn’t much sleeping from him (or me, or any other new parents) so no snoring issues.

As for the ‘strange men’, they are all so consumed by their new baby and partner that they aren’t interested in what everyone else is getting up to.

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