WIBU to bin off this holiday early?

[Ivygarden]

For the last few years, me and my DS (4) and DD (2) have holidayed with my DM and DSis and my DNep (6). Every year I vow not to do it again but the children love it so here we are (on a self catering holiday by the seaside).
Basically, every year my sister adopts the role of mother hen and always takes it upon herself to do the washing, tidying, organising (and being a total martyr about it!). My DM and DSis and nephew always travel together in one car throughout the week, including long journey here and back home again. Because of this, DM and DSis are quite often together, making arrangements etc that I’m not aware of (I’m always on the back foot and anything I suggest is instantly dismissed as they have already discussed the itinary etc). My DD (2) is ridiculously clingy to me. My son and nephew are usually playing together and, as I have my daughter permanently glued to me, my sister usually tends to watch the boys (ie puts them to bed whilst I put my daughter to bed). Although this is helpful, it is not necessarily what I would want as I would like to do more with my DS, but again, she takes it upon herself (in her martyr-like way).

Fast forward to now...I just overheard them slagging me off in the garden implying that I’m lazy and saying things like, “oh perhaps she’s actually looking after her own kids for once”, “good job she doesn’t have more than two”, “she might even be doing her own washing etc”.

Honestly, I just feel like going home. My DS has turned into a dick since arriving as he copies my nephew. I’m the bad guy, always reprimanding my son as I know he wouldn’t be so silly at home but my sister then says, “oh isn’t she boring?” to the children and I hear her threatening to tell me when the boys are misbehaving (God forbid).

My DM pays for the house every year. They are already discussing next year’s holiday (I do not want to go). I also don’t want to say that I over heard them and cause a confrontation but I now feel like going home (but shame for the children - this will be their only holiday). I will certainly make sure I’ve turned the washing machine on / unloaded the dishwasher first. What shall I do? Feel utterly miserable.

I wouldn't deal with it a moment longer. Poor you, OP.

No, don’t thank your sister for “help” that wasn’t requested or needed.

The whole family dynamics seem to be that you are unfairly pigeon-holed.

I would find it really difficult to be around them without saying anything directly.

It’s sad that you don’t think your H would listen and support you in this difficult situation. Is that because he doesn’t see your points, or that he sees the problems but disagrees with the way you handle things? Might he support you if, before discussing the events, you explicitly say you’re upset and would like his support?

Has your family always been like this OP? Or is it a holiday thing?

My ILs have a similar dynamic and I find it fascinating, although obvious fucking hideous at the same time (we are not the favourites )

NO you are absolutely not wrong!!

They sound awful, I'd probably leave!!

Thank your sister but say in future you'd rather do it yourself as you resent having things done for you and then held against you. It sounds like you're past trying to pretend it isn't happening....

We can all see you're not being lazy Op. You can't do anything right and the whole lot are in on it.

Just who does your Dad think he is to arrive and start getting on your case straight away?

If your OH is leaving before Friday please go with him. I'd seriously think about going LC with your family for a while when you get back.

Also, point out to your dad that you have 2 children under 5 to look after while DM and DSis have 1 child aged 6 between them. Obv you prioritise the DC, so washing and laundry come 2nd. DSis keeps doing things for you and then bitching that you didn't do it yourself. How is that fair FGS?!

Also, will your dad help with the washing/cooking/laundry? I have a fiver waiting on the presumably negative answer.

I've read the thread. I'd have packed and been in the car before they even came in from the garden.

It's not you, it's them. Leave them to it.

Go home. They are massively scapegoating you. They need you there so they have someone to bitch about to make them feel good about yourself.

Fuck that noise.

So your DH is there? When he leaves go with him.

Honestly after this latest update from your DF I'd go home. Fuck the lot of them, they are being deliberate twats. Pack your shit and go. Do not go next year!

I really feel for you, OP.
The trouble with goblinshart's advice is that it assumes a certain level of goodwill on the part of your family. From what you describe, that goodwill isn't there. If it was, they'd try asking for help with the housework instead of backstabbing you.
For those of us who recognise this dynamic, it's clear that it doesn't matter how much housework, childcare and cooking you do. Your role is scapegoat. The fun for them is in complaining about you, in feeling indignant and self-righteous together. They will devote a lot of energy to maintaining that.
It's crap for you, but you can't make things right by cooking and cleaning more.

Omg I am fucking fuming for you!
Where is your mother when helping you! There are three adults between three kids! But looks like your mother knows exactly who she favours!
I'd leave.

P.s why on earth are you washing so much on holiday! Tell them to stick it up their arse!

I used to work with a woman like this. She would pick up random unimportant tasks that I hadn't done yet (because it was neither important not urgent and I had other work which was both of those things), and do them loudly and conspicuously while complaining about how SOME PEOPLE needed to pull their weight. It didn't matter what order I did things in - whatever I left until last was always the thing that she thought I should have dropped everything else to do if only I wasn't such a lazy cow. I used to feel sorry for her family because at least I could go home at the end of the day - and now I know it's you!

Life is too short to spend your holidays like this. Go home and have a few days lounging around in your living room.

Go home with DH and enjoy a few days holidays together yourselves instead.

You're not going to go next year OP, are you? Learn from this BS and move on.

Oh tell them to fuck off, the lot of them! I'm raging on your behalf. If you don't want to go home, then at least keep them at arms length and just use it as a base for your own family holiday. What vile little shits they are.

Just leave with your dh. They’ve obviously slagged you off to your dad and now he’s stepping in. You need to be able to step in and say ‘NO don’t do x with dd, I’ll get her in a second and I don’t need your version of help.’

Go home.

They sound awfu and your dad joining in after they know they've upset you is terrible.

As nice of a time your Ds is having, he's hearing them treat you this way.

I do a flit.

I'd have been fuming if someone put my dc down for a nap without telling me.
Following your dgf's comment, I'd be packing my bags. I feel sorry for you.

Oh, I forgot to add: you can't sort this out by having a chat or trying to talk it through. Nor will the rota system suggested by a pp work, because that requires your family to want to change things. They don't want to change things; they're having fun ganging up on you.
I agree with all the PPs advising you to escape asap. Tell them to fuck off or go silently, it's all the same; they'll be slagging you off behind your back no matter what you do.

Why are you still there? I don't get it