WIBU to bin off this holiday early?

[Ivygarden]

For the last few years, me and my DS (4) and DD (2) have holidayed with my DM and DSis and my DNep (6). Every year I vow not to do it again but the children love it so here we are (on a self catering holiday by the seaside).
Basically, every year my sister adopts the role of mother hen and always takes it upon herself to do the washing, tidying, organising (and being a total martyr about it!). My DM and DSis and nephew always travel together in one car throughout the week, including long journey here and back home again. Because of this, DM and DSis are quite often together, making arrangements etc that I’m not aware of (I’m always on the back foot and anything I suggest is instantly dismissed as they have already discussed the itinary etc). My DD (2) is ridiculously clingy to me. My son and nephew are usually playing together and, as I have my daughter permanently glued to me, my sister usually tends to watch the boys (ie puts them to bed whilst I put my daughter to bed). Although this is helpful, it is not necessarily what I would want as I would like to do more with my DS, but again, she takes it upon herself (in her martyr-like way).

Fast forward to now...I just overheard them slagging me off in the garden implying that I’m lazy and saying things like, “oh perhaps she’s actually looking after her own kids for once”, “good job she doesn’t have more than two”, “she might even be doing her own washing etc”.

Honestly, I just feel like going home. My DS has turned into a dick since arriving as he copies my nephew. I’m the bad guy, always reprimanding my son as I know he wouldn’t be so silly at home but my sister then says, “oh isn’t she boring?” to the children and I hear her threatening to tell me when the boys are misbehaving (God forbid).

My DM pays for the house every year. They are already discussing next year’s holiday (I do not want to go). I also don’t want to say that I over heard them and cause a confrontation but I now feel like going home (but shame for the children - this will be their only holiday). I will certainly make sure I’ve turned the washing machine on / unloaded the dishwasher first. What shall I do? Feel utterly miserable.

I think your sister has an easier time while your DS entertains hers. Leaving her free to do some jobs.
Whilst you wrestle with a 2 year old.

I think you'd have an easier time as a single parent to your 2 kids for a shorter break, it that's what you fancy next summer.

They seem to 'pair' up against you! Totally unkind and unpleasant.

Leave them to it next year and walk away.

Good luck for Thursday

Are they like this at home?

Good luck for the next two days

There will be no "that's shown them" moment. That involves them acknowledging their behaviour and they wont.
But there will be "the kids had a great time" feeling.
But do be careful because as they grow the impact of your mum and sister belittling you and undermining you will resonate with your children. Walking away from allowing them to do that, is about you protecting your feelings, but also about you protecting them from seeing you treated like that. Children are very sensitive they can often tell.

Families can be so hard sometimes but new plan.........
let them do all the chores etc you just sit back and relax because even if you run around after everyone, they will still moan. you might as well give them something to actually moan about lol

good luck

Totally that your sister had the cheek to take your DD off in her pram without checking with you first and yet she's the good guy and you're the bad guy!
It all sounds utterly shit and I hope you don't holiday with them next year.

Ivygarden I think you did the right thing by staying. Your kids are enjoying it.

However, I would be tempted to speak to your mum and sister in the future and clear the air. They should not behave like this to you.

(I've not read all the posts)

I'd speak to them separately.

Totally get why you stayed.

I'm really not sure there's any point talking to them about it, however, if you do, definitely do it separately. Together they'll absolutely gang up on you (you've a week's evidence of that already). I'd speak to your mother, not your sister.

However, does your DM normally prioritise or favour your Dsis? If so you're almost certainly not going to have any positive result from that so just gear up for that.

It's been mentioned up thread, but take a look at some Stately Homes threads. I'm pretty sure it hasn't only been yesterday where you've had to swallow their behaviour and we're the one to not stand up for yourself in order to keep the peace..which means keeping everybody else happy. With your father added in, it seems like there's a long standing family dynamic and you're not benefiting from it. I'm wondering if your Dsis is a Golden Child and you the scapegoat...

Sounds like you have the perfect excuse not to have another holiday with them--your husband is normally busy at this time of year, so you can tell them that you prefer to take a couple of short breaks over weekends/long-weekends with your husband at other times of year and you no longer have the time or money to do this shit 24-hour-a-day housework-for-the-sake-of-housework bollox.

Short breaks are fab because they mean you can probably stretch to a hotel (even if it's just a cheap Premier Inn type one) and that means you can do BUGGER ALL housework and cooking and dishwasher-stacking for two or three days.

It sounds like everyone involved is bottling issues up and talking behind each other's backs.

I think you need to stand on your own two feet more. You are a grown woman but your mum is paying for your holiday house, provides your go-to garden, you are in a pattern of still being a kid, and now a 'moody kid' who wants to be a grown up. You can change this!!

Talk to your mum and sister when things grate. Stand up for yourself. Imagine how you would like your DD to behave in future and act like that.

Good luck.

P.S. I don't have a mum or sister, when I had 2 small kids and a tiny garden we went to the park a lot. Sounds like a better option.

OP, I have a friend with similar traits to your sister, she always acts like the task she is doing is utterly essential and anything you are doing is selfish, lazy, or just unnecessary.
Since she's only a friend, I've pulled away, but in a sister this must be awful, exhausting and just quite shit really!

You know how they are, you've seen it a number of times. I hope you manage to stick it out until tomorrow, and enjoy not going next year. Inevitably they will try to make you feel like you are missing out, or worse, your children are, but you are not. And you're children will pick up on how unhappy you are if did go!

We understand why you stayed op - I probably would have too tbh. Just don't do it next year!

1 more sleep to go

@didntwanttochangemyname

You’re right- I just know that when I say we aren’t going to go with them next year, I’ll be “letting the children” down etc. That’s why I agree with other posters who have said I must book a family holiday with my DH. To be honest, we usually do have a family holiday with DH in September but this year didn’t get around to booking anything (and my DS starts school so are limited to October half term and it was mega bucks when I did look). Instead, when I get home I’ll look into booking something for next year so I know the children won’t be “missing out”.

@iaccidentlykillplants
love the new plan!

@nachoing

Good idea to tackle them separately- less daunting too.

Think people (DM) feel sorry for my DSis as she is divorced and her son is a handful, and I think a lot of her behaviour towards me stems from jealously.

I think you did the right thing, stay have a nice day with your friend. But be aware of what your mum and sister are doing/saying.

I would be careful when you are around your parents and sister after you have told them you are not going on holiday with them again. They will make statements to your children about it being a shame that they will not be going with Nanny, Auntie and DN again and
didn't they always have fun and now mummy stopping it. And making it seem as it is you that is the problem rather then them taking on board their part in this.

Yes, I'd tell them how you feel and that you heard them slagging you off then go....and don't holiday with them again this sounds like a horrible situation.

@Clutter
That’s really true actually. Doubt they would even think it might be down to them. Guess that’s why I should say something (constructive)?

Oh Ivy I've just read your thread and I'm cringing at the way your family are treating you.

It's so reminiscent of that awful low level exclusion/bullying a lot of us faced at school!

Don't be surprised if nasty comments undermining you are made when you get back.

When it comes to next year please don't cave in. You also don't need to say why you aren't going. Just say you have other plans.

Good luck!

While I totally get why you have stayed.
Because I probably wouldn't want to cut my Children's holiday short.

It's very concerning that your DM is slagging you off to your Dsis!
My mum wouldn't ever dream of doing that! It's not normal and she wouldn't hear me slagging my siblings off either.

You do need a serious chat. Separately.
Also your mum should be equally helping you and Dsis. Travelling one way with you and one way with her ect...

Please don't put up with this gutless behaviour.

Having a 2 year old and 4 year old is hard enough work as it is. The whole point of a holiday is to relax, not to keep up with washing and chores.

I understand, I can never win with my mum and sister but I can understand their viewpoint to a certain extent as I'm currently on holiday and it doesn't feel like much of a holiday as everything is down to me. This place would be a shit tip if I didn't keep on top of the washing, and tidy up as I go along. I guess I feel the same way about DP as your sis does about you: I'm not the only parent here yet I'm the only one run ragged whilst he's having a thoroughly relaxing time.

Guess that’s why I should say something (constructive)? See I can't help there because I would say something along the lines off

"We will not be going on holiday with you next year, as you will clearly enjoy it more with us, as you two seem to organise and plan ever thing down to the last detail with even giving me with out my input and the just demand we fit in your plans.

Although having said that you won't have someone to slag off when you think they are out of earshot."

So NO we don't want the pleasure of joining you on your holiday again.

I also think because your mum pays for the holiday she thinks that can do/say what she wants because she's paid.

withOUT even giving me a thought or my input and the just demand we fit in your plans.

Sorry got distracted half way.

@Clutter

What you said is so true. On the verge of saying that right now.