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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Penis portions

443 replies

AldiAisleOfTat · 26/08/2018 12:23

It's a MIL one sorry!
Generally I like MIL. Our relationship isn't that bad, however, I'm fat and she really really can't cope with the idea that I'm not crash dieting. She is permanently on a diet.
We stayed with them yesterday. Lunch while traveling and then dinner there. Roast chicken.
I was served a single roastie, a slice of breast meat and 2 tablespoons of veg. Mil had slightly more. FIL and DH had laden plates.
After looking in shock I asked for some more, she said there wasn't any. DH then split his food with me, leaving us both with reasonable sized portions. Later on because of the atmosphere we went off to the pub and had a little too much to drink, we got fish and chips on the way home, and ate them sitting in her garden while she glared through the kitchen window.
She then made some comment about me being a pig once we were inside. I replied that if she was a decent host who served adequate food to both sexes then we wouldn't still be hungry, and left as soon as we were safe to drive (midmorning)
DH is very stressed about it all and wants me to call her. I have no wish to.
WIBU?

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 26/08/2018 15:05

Well Mooncup she deserved that! It seems that op weight is an ongoing issue for op, and this was the straw that broke the camel's back. Both op and her dh went to the pub, got drunk and ate Fish and Chips in MIL garden. It sounds like op had enough of being bullied by MIL about her weight and snapped. Hopefully there won't be a next time.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/08/2018 15:05

Meant op weight is an ongoing issue for MIL not op.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 26/08/2018 15:05

I think its a very basic thing that women are valued the same as men. That's why it makes me touchy.

NotAnotherHeffalump · 26/08/2018 15:06

We always serve very big portions and have extras people can help themselves to. But I would still serve men more than women initially. I would hate anyone to go away hungry and I'm a big fan of food.

Whizbang · 26/08/2018 15:07

Mooncup and fellow fans of penis portions for the big strong men and stingy portions for the little women....you do realise that your guests are probably sniggering at your poor hosting skills behind your back? They are you know...just look at all the examples upthread where folk are having a laugh with their families after they’ve left you dinner table at what a bad host you are. Or worse, planning how they will be able to sneak extra food because you are known by reputation to be a stingy and/or sexist host.

As long as you’re all happy to have a reputation as bad hosts, then knock yourselves out with your sexist portions. We all like a bit of a laugh.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/08/2018 15:07

Yes Mooncup I do agree that men and woman have different calorific needs, I get that, but serving a roast dinner that would barely feed a 4 year old, whilst all the rest including MIL get more is totally unacceptable. You do not treat a guest like that. Op is in charge of her food intake as a fully grown adult, it is rude of MIL to be dictating to her.

Ofthread · 26/08/2018 15:10

It's great to see so many women doing their bit to uphold the patriarchy through the medium of roast potatoes.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 26/08/2018 15:11

Lying I am happy to report that my DH is a much reformed character nowadays. Although he's always been pretty decent as a whole. Breakfastgate was an uncharacteristic low for him.

theorchidwhisperer · 26/08/2018 15:11

Our local curry house used to do sexist portions.

It used to backfire mind you. I like my curry fiery hot and my husband likes his mild.

I always chuckled at the look of confusion when dishes were served to the table (they always assumed the hot dishes were for a male diner) and I was served an overflowing dish, my husband had a smaller portion.

We used to add lots of side dishes so he wasn't hungry.

Whizbang · 26/08/2018 15:12

Grin ofthread, brilliant!

LakieLady · 26/08/2018 15:12

Oh and someone suggested chocolates for the MiL. A very small box, and oink every time she takes one out.

Just pop a bag of Percy Pigs in the post.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 26/08/2018 15:12

I don't know why people keep harping on about men and women needing different amounts. This is never, ever about what someone needs. It's about one adult deciding what they think another adult deserves, and using that to belittle them.

Of course on Mumsnet there are always people who love to berate and belittle the overweight, and there will usually be someone who can't resist the chance to tell the OP that's it's all their fault for being fat in the first place.

LeftRightCentre · 26/08/2018 15:13

Our local curry house used to do sexist portions.

And did they charge less for the smaller portion? Thought not.

cheesefield · 26/08/2018 15:13

For the record I could easily eat a roast at lunch then a chippy dinner, no problem. And it sounds like OPs roast wasn't even a meal.

I'm 5ft4, cycle commute about 18 miles a day, and am 9st8.

I eat way more at meals than 6ft2 DP who weighs 13st.

I'm now off to serve up my roast during which I'll eat 6 roast potatoes. Yum yum yum.

TheDishRanAwayWithTheSpoon · 26/08/2018 15:14

It's actually really irrelevant if op ate too many calories Hmm. It's one day. If OP was hungry why should she not eat? Why should she purposefully stay uncomfortable? Our calorie intake should naturally fluctuate, some days you will eat less calories some more because our hunger levels are different on different days.

Theres nothing morally wrong with eating when you are hungry, there's actually nothing morally wrong with eating too much food everyday, you will just gain weight but there's nothing morally wrong with gaining weight, if someone gains weight that is irrelevant to me, it's their body

TeddybearBaby · 26/08/2018 15:14

I didn’t even think you were rude to eat the fish and chips in the garden tbh!! So I obvs have no manners 😂 which is fine. I don’t take life too seriously! I had visions of you and DH going out for the night / having fun / getting squiffy and eating cos of the drink. I think I’d have done the same! I’m small so would I be allowed to eat the fish and chips? Would she smile along with the tipsy couple then?!

I did laugh at the image of her glaring through the window, I must admit!

I think it infuriates her that she has to try so hard to be happy in life and you’re here happy and not giving a shit. She’s probably jealous.

I think you sound great! Leave it with her for a while I think but I hope it’s sorted for your DH’s sake x

LaLaLanded · 26/08/2018 15:14

As another poster has said, while men and women generally speaking do have slightly different calorific needs, women are not children or idiots - we do not need to be policed in terms of what we eat. If I want to eat 40 whole squid a day then I shall!

That said some women do need equivalent calories to men. Very active women or, like me, very tall. I’m 5’11 so hardly a ‘little woman’.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 26/08/2018 15:15

Good news, Tinkly! I think it just never enters men's heads that their female partners (and children) might be disadvantaged at meal times; and if they do, the lure of their own breakfast makes them disgrace themselves...

Your husband has come 'out the other side' as a good one. I'm sure he wouldn't have dared to do otherwise after your epic intervention. Grin

Stuckinthis · 26/08/2018 15:16

My MiL does this (though not to the same degree) and I find it infuriating.

I am a healthy weight, exercise most days and often end up skipping breakfast so make up my calories for dinner. DH is overweight (bordering obese), no exercise and has terrible snacking habits. Yet he always gets a penis portion and I get the ‘diet portion’ - I’M NOT ON A DIET!

It is never up to the host to decide that men need more calories than women and it’s sexist to make that decision for the individual. An individual is perfectly capable of deciding how much they want/need to eat.

I would

mooncuplanding · 26/08/2018 15:18

Whizbang*

Wowzers, you sound delightful

I can’t think of anything less to get upset about than a few roast potatoes

The assumption being made of MILs intentions is wholly projectorary. How do you even know she was judging YOU op? What did she serve herself? Had she misjudged the amount of food she’d cooked? You simply don’t know and behaving the way you did doesn’t put you in a good light IMO

Idratherhaveacupoftea · 26/08/2018 15:18

My mother in law was the opposite. If I didn't have at least two helpings of everything she thought I was going to fade away.

Flobalob · 26/08/2018 15:20

I would never return to their house again or take my own plate of food next time and tell her that you're bringing your own cause your cooking is better than hers! Grin

Whizbang · 26/08/2018 15:20

Whatevs Mooncup, you sound like a peach yourself. No need to get stroppy with me just because you’re now anxious that your guests are laughing at you Wink

Original poster
AldiAisleOfTat · 26/08/2018 15:20

Lakie Percy pigs! OMG i want to!

OP posts:
AnExcellentUsername · 26/08/2018 15:21

Didn't take long for the MN competitive non eaters to show up.

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