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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Penis portions

443 replies

AldiAisleOfTat · 26/08/2018 12:23

It's a MIL one sorry!
Generally I like MIL. Our relationship isn't that bad, however, I'm fat and she really really can't cope with the idea that I'm not crash dieting. She is permanently on a diet.
We stayed with them yesterday. Lunch while traveling and then dinner there. Roast chicken.
I was served a single roastie, a slice of breast meat and 2 tablespoons of veg. Mil had slightly more. FIL and DH had laden plates.
After looking in shock I asked for some more, she said there wasn't any. DH then split his food with me, leaving us both with reasonable sized portions. Later on because of the atmosphere we went off to the pub and had a little too much to drink, we got fish and chips on the way home, and ate them sitting in her garden while she glared through the kitchen window.
She then made some comment about me being a pig once we were inside. I replied that if she was a decent host who served adequate food to both sexes then we wouldn't still be hungry, and left as soon as we were safe to drive (midmorning)
DH is very stressed about it all and wants me to call her. I have no wish to.
WIBU?

OP posts:
Stuckinthis · 26/08/2018 15:21

The assumption being made of MILs intentions is wholly projectorary. How do you even know she was judging YOU op? What did she serve herself? Had she misjudged the amount of food she’d cooked? You simply don’t know and behaving the way you did doesn’t put you in a good light IMO

OP quite clearly said that MiL’s portion was bigger than her own. If she misjudged the amount of food she cooked then you portion it fairly - not leave one plate severely lacking and everyone else with a normal amount.

And she called OP a pig - how could the OP misconstrue the MiL’s meaning?

Are you the MiL?

TinklyLittleLaugh · 26/08/2018 15:22

Lying I was actually at my mum's this week for a rare visit. When we all sat down at the breakfast table the tension was palpable. We all got offered the full English then DH got offered extra sausage and bacon but I let it go. I piped up about his extra fried bread though and he quickly gave me half. The children exchanged knowing looks. My mum was fairly stoney faced about it.

AgathaRaisonDetra · 26/08/2018 15:24

Call her and ask her to apologise to you.

TooManyPaws · 26/08/2018 15:25

What did she serve herself? Had she misjudged the amount of food she’d cooked? You simply don’t know and behaving the way you did doesn’t put you in a good light IMO

RTFT Mooncup.

Mil had slightly more. FIL and DH had laden plates.

Anyone with any vestige of brain or manners would have redistributed the food before bringing it in, and wouldn't give themselves more than a guest unless that had been requested.

You're so keen to put your bully boots in on the OP that you're ignoring statements that don't fit your imaginary scenario.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 26/08/2018 15:27

This thread has brought back some lovely memories of my MIL. She used to feed me so much that I'd often end up sneaking food to the dog under the table. She caught me once and just said "Yes, you share with Shep, he likes that. I'll get you some more". After that she always gave me extra to share with the dog. The dog was of course devoted to me!

She'd have been seriously offended by the suggestion that a guest in her house was underfed. Lovely woman, was my MIL. I miss her.

Snowman123 · 26/08/2018 15:28

LOL. I'm in the equal portion camp. She sounds like a terrible host.

And calling someone a pig :-0

Don't call, but also life's too short for grudges. Next time you visit tell her in advance to make sure she's got adequate grub in!!

BabySharkDooDooDooDoo · 26/08/2018 15:32

Why should you be the one to call her? She should be calling you at apologise for being so rude

mooncuplanding · 26/08/2018 15:34

So it’s ok for OP to comment on what MIL eats “always on a bloody diet”?

Does OP serve her a gigantic portion when she does dinner —if she has the manners to do so— ? That’s equally as ‘rude’!

It’s always one way with people who say they are ok being fat.

I see a few comments added just now about ‘non eaters’

Double standards isn’t it

I happen to think you were and are being rude based on very flimsy evidence that she was judging you. Because even if she was, perhaps her intentions are still good, and refusing to resolve it is just massively spoilt brattish

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 26/08/2018 15:37

Tinkly and this was your own Mum, not DH's! You'd think she'd favour her own child (regardless of sex) if she couldn't be quite fair about it.

But... as long as your husband continues to divvy up, that's what will get the message through. Well done Mrs & Mrs Tinkly because your children will surely fight for their equal portions of food and perhaps they won't even have to do that if their Mum and Dad are scuppering the penis-portioners.

CoughLaughFart · 26/08/2018 15:37

*Different calorific needs are a fact.

Do you think me serving my toddler DCs considerably smaller portions than myself is ageist?*

But the OP isn’t a toddler - she’s a grown woman. And her mother-in-law didn’t give her son an extra slice of meat or a couple of extra spuds - she gave him a full dinner and the OP a few scraps.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 26/08/2018 15:38

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet, your MIL sounds lovely - and much missed. That's the way to treat guests and certainly family. :)

Stuckinthis · 26/08/2018 15:39

moon

Just to be completely clear here, are you really suggesting that it’s perfectly okay to serve one person a sliver of meat, one potato and bit of veg but serve yourself a larger portion and your other guest an overflowing plate?

I’m just trying to understand how that is justifiable.

And out of interest, is OP’s DH also not a spoilt brat for not actually sorting things out with MIL because he had the fish and chips too? As you don’t seem to mention anything about him.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 26/08/2018 15:40

I think as long as OP and her husband put their chip papers in the bin and didn't leave them on the grass, they were not rude.

I think some posters here would have smeared those papers on the windows first. Grin

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 26/08/2018 15:40

"The op said she’s fat, I doubt she’s a marathon runner needing extra calories. Before you say it."

No, but if you'd spent less time putting the boot in about portion sizes and more time actually reading what the OP wrote in her posts, you would have seen this:
"The men don't do physical jobs. I'm a shift worker. My fitbit reckons i average 16-22000 steps per shift."

and this:
"my fitbit often reckons I've burnt 3500 cals in a day (v active)"

But you don't want to admit you could in any way be wrong about the OP, do you, because you've made up your mind about her.

Elephant14 · 26/08/2018 15:45

Instead she rudely went out and got drunk, made a scene then deliberately stuffed her face with fish and chips in front of mil? - Moon you are the thread-gift that keeps on giving (although not potatoes, obviously).

Anyone who uses the phrase "stuffed her face" instead of eat tells us everything we need to know about them.

And OP I do hope you were very rudely drunk. Farting drunk in fact.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/08/2018 15:46

She then made some comment about me being a pig once we were inside. I replied that if she was a decent host who served adequate food to both sexes then we wouldn't still be hungry, and left as soon as we were safe to drive (midmorning

Op has no reason to apologise at all, MIL called her a pig, then op quite rightly gave her a come back, what do you expect her to do, stand there meekly and take it like the good little woman that she is Hmm. Op and her dh were both eating fish and chips in the garden, so he was complicit in it too, not just op. The sexism on this thread is astounding.

NotAnotherHeffalump · 26/08/2018 15:46

coughlaughfart I'm not arguing that OPs Mum wasn't very rude, or that she didn't under-feed OP, she was and she did. I'm just saying that men having different calorific needs from women is a fact, it isn't sexist.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/08/2018 15:48

They were both drunk btw, not just op Hmm

TinklyLittleLaugh · 26/08/2018 15:48

Indeed Lying though sadly I suspect Breakfastgate is still considered "That time when mum went batshit at Gran and Dad over bacon."

Rather than "That time mum was pushed over the edge by all the sexist nonsense that gets twaddled at her parents' house and being made to feel lesser once too often."

We'll get there though.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/08/2018 15:48

Mooncup you are op MIL, I knew it, I knew it Grin.

LouHotel · 26/08/2018 15:51

My MIL doesn penis portions but I honestly don't have a big lunch appetite so let it go until one fateful roast when we had my two DD's (5 and 2) and the 14 month nephew got a bigger portion size than them.

I was told there was no more food so DH and BIL redistributed their food - MIL had to have a lie down upstairs for her nerves.....i sent Dd (2) up after her an hour later to ask where the biscuits were.....that was a bit malicious.

PickAChew · 26/08/2018 15:51

Yes it is not sexist to say that women have different calorific needs to men. We all get that. The difference averages at something like 20%, though, not 300%. The difference is equivalent to a little extra meat, a couple of extra spuds, the slightly bigger slice of cake, taken over the day. Not to a plate with a little food in the middle vs one virtually overflowing, or a piece of toast vs a full English.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/08/2018 15:51

Yes males and females have different calorific intakes, but this is not what this was about. She was proving her point that op was a pig in her words so needs a lot less, well a whole lot less, more like what a 3 year old eats, not an adult Female. That was insulting to say the least.

Mummyoflittledragon · 26/08/2018 15:52

She was of course rude. She is treating you both like children and then was nasty when you failed to fall in line. That said going out and getting drunk when a guest in someone’s home is not very adult. I don’t think getting the fish and chips was particularly rude. It was eaten in the garden to soak up the alcohol I imagine.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/08/2018 15:54

Good on you LouHotel, has that happened again, I hope not!What is this message teaching little girls, that they are worth less than the men, that a 14 month baby boy is given more than children older than him, just because they are girls, shocking! It is not about food, but the subliminal messages behind them, and from women too!