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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Penis portions

443 replies

AldiAisleOfTat · 26/08/2018 12:23

It's a MIL one sorry!
Generally I like MIL. Our relationship isn't that bad, however, I'm fat and she really really can't cope with the idea that I'm not crash dieting. She is permanently on a diet.
We stayed with them yesterday. Lunch while traveling and then dinner there. Roast chicken.
I was served a single roastie, a slice of breast meat and 2 tablespoons of veg. Mil had slightly more. FIL and DH had laden plates.
After looking in shock I asked for some more, she said there wasn't any. DH then split his food with me, leaving us both with reasonable sized portions. Later on because of the atmosphere we went off to the pub and had a little too much to drink, we got fish and chips on the way home, and ate them sitting in her garden while she glared through the kitchen window.
She then made some comment about me being a pig once we were inside. I replied that if she was a decent host who served adequate food to both sexes then we wouldn't still be hungry, and left as soon as we were safe to drive (midmorning)
DH is very stressed about it all and wants me to call her. I have no wish to.
WIBU?

OP posts:
PositivelyPERF · 26/08/2018 14:52

Your Blush

maxthemartian · 26/08/2018 14:52

Pahhhh I serve women a smaller portion than men...biology

How bloody rude of you.

Elephant14 · 26/08/2018 14:52

a roast of perhaps smaller than your usual portion - so if that was lunch is the OP not then allowed to have any more food in the evening?! mooncup are you the MiL? And I'll bet she's in her late 50s early 60s, hardly a product of rationing.

Armchairanarchist · 26/08/2018 14:52

She called you a pig!! I can't bear anyone commenting on weight. Mine's the opposite problem. I can't eat solid food yet MIL constantly tries and comments on how thin I am. Do they think we don't have mirrors!

NotAnotherHeffalump · 26/08/2018 14:53

The different breakfasts is sexist, I agree. I would want more food if I was pregnant or breastfeeding, that isn't discrimination, it's just different calorific requirements.

All sides of our family put less food out when serving our Grannies. They have very small frames and aren't very active. We aren't being ageist, we are just preventing food waste and trying to cater for their needs better.

But as i said OPs MIL wasn't catering for her needs, and was being rude.

mooncuplanding · 26/08/2018 14:55

There are 500-700 calories in a roast dinner. Even a smaller portion is fine for a dinner - 400 Cals is a perfect size meal

So add on the fish and chips of 700+ cals, id think that’s excessive

Pinkunicorndog · 26/08/2018 14:55

Why on this threads is it always one slice of chicken, one roast and a 2 spoons of veg? Every one.

Cloglover · 26/08/2018 14:55

Yes a mil can win. Any good host will either let someone help themselves or ask 'how hungry are you?'

BTW she sounds sounds mean op. Good on you for not letting her bully you.

mooncuplanding · 26/08/2018 14:56

Why is it sexist to say women have different needs to men?

Its just a fact

TinklyLittleLaugh · 26/08/2018 14:56

Personally Goood at home I serve too little and let people get seconds because I hate waste and any leftovers in the pot get taken for lunch next day.. Guests are different though. I would overserve guests.

eddielizzard · 26/08/2018 14:57

YWNBU in the slightest. What awful, judgemental behaviour from your MIL!

I think I would never eat at her house again. Eat a massive meal just round the corner before you visit, and then leave most of her minuscule portion.

And your DH is well and truly in the FOG if he's begging YOU to call HER.

Elephant14 · 26/08/2018 14:57

So add on the fish and chips of 700+ cals, id think that’s excessive - and yes lets not forget the OP was in drink eh? Shock

I like mooncup can we keep her?

Oh and someone suggested chocolates for the MiL. A very small box, and oink every time she takes one out.

LeftRightCentre · 26/08/2018 14:58

Well, moon, a lot of people in life don't waste their time counting how many calories are in a fucking potato, and if you are hosting it's bloody rude to portion out the amount of food you think they should have and sexist to allocate food amounts based on one's sex.

Saggital · 26/08/2018 14:59

When she called you a pig I think she was probably projecting.

LeftRightCentre · 26/08/2018 14:59

*Why is it sexist to say women have different needs to men?

Its just a fact*

For starters, it's not a fact. The amount of food one needs depends on a number of factors besides sex.

TheDishRanAwayWithTheSpoon · 26/08/2018 14:59

My MIL does something like this, she assumes I don't eat. I am sure she actually doesn't cook any extra food for me, so she would do 6 sausages for her, FIL and dP and then 6 for the 4 of us! It's not penis portions because she gets lots of food and SIL gets lots of food. It's not even she doesn't like me, she just seems to think I don't eat anything which drives me insane, I actually eat loads.

Penis portions is sexism pure and simple. It's not up to anyone to police their guests calorie intake! It doesn't matter if women in general need less calories than men, it's up to the woman to decide that they are going to eat less if they want not me, I will provide them both with the same (I normally dish up a smallish portion and then loads of extra that everyone can help themselves to in the middle). Its entirely up to the person how much they want to eat and entirely up to OP if she wants to lose weight or not, someones weight is entirely their business and theirs alone. You have no idea how much they have eaten throughout the rest of the day or week either, no idea of someone's calorie requirement, so serving a lesser portion to women is purely sexism. As an adult I am perfectly capable of regulating my calorie intake, and I am perfectly capable of choosing to eat a massive meal if I want. If I want to eat 10000 calories in one day, I can make that choice and it's no one else's business, and in the long run it won't affect my weight at all. Me and DP always have the same dinners but I dont really eat snacks while he does, this isn't a weight thing this is just an I don't like snacks thing but it works out for us both as we are both a healthy weight.

NotAnotherHeffalump · 26/08/2018 14:59

Different calorific needs are a fact.

Do you think me serving my toddler DCs considerably smaller portions than myself is ageist?

SnuggyBuggy · 26/08/2018 15:00

A family roast is supposed to be a fun meal together not a bloody diet camp.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 26/08/2018 15:01

Why is it sexist to say women have different needs to men?

Because it's a generalisation. Some womenrequire more calories than some men.

But this is not about everyday calorie requirements. It's a snapshot. A one off supposedly pleasant meal with guests.

mooncuplanding · 26/08/2018 15:02

Everyone is very touchy about all this

I don’t think the op has helped the situation, especially considering she’s adamant she doesn’t care she’s fat. Why didn’t she just let it go and get a snack later? Who cares?

Instead she rudely went out and got drunk, made a scene then deliberately stuffed her face with fish and chips in front of mil?

Anyway, totally seems worth falling out with family over a few roast potatoes

TheDishRanAwayWithTheSpoon · 26/08/2018 15:02

heffalump Obviously everyone has different calorie needs (not just dependent on sex) but adults can regulate their own intake, its not up to you to do that for them. Toddlers can't, so it is up to you.

LeftRightCentre · 26/08/2018 15:03

The DH went with her.

Original poster
AldiAisleOfTat · 26/08/2018 15:03

Mooncup +5 and a bit pints! For accuracy.
No breakfast, salad lunch (waitrose feta one).
So DH and I are similar heights, and my fitbit often reckons I've burnt 3500 cals in a day (v active) i do appreciate they're not that accurate.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 26/08/2018 15:04

Tinkly that breakfast example is awful. Did you husband improve his attitude or does he still tuck into a full English without being certain that both you and your daughter have been offered the same?

mooncuplanding · 26/08/2018 15:05

if People can’t even agree that women and men have different calorific needs, then this is always gonna be hard!

The op said she’s fat, I doubt she’s a marathon runner needing extra calories. Before you say it.

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