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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Penis portions

443 replies

AldiAisleOfTat · 26/08/2018 12:23

It's a MIL one sorry!
Generally I like MIL. Our relationship isn't that bad, however, I'm fat and she really really can't cope with the idea that I'm not crash dieting. She is permanently on a diet.
We stayed with them yesterday. Lunch while traveling and then dinner there. Roast chicken.
I was served a single roastie, a slice of breast meat and 2 tablespoons of veg. Mil had slightly more. FIL and DH had laden plates.
After looking in shock I asked for some more, she said there wasn't any. DH then split his food with me, leaving us both with reasonable sized portions. Later on because of the atmosphere we went off to the pub and had a little too much to drink, we got fish and chips on the way home, and ate them sitting in her garden while she glared through the kitchen window.
She then made some comment about me being a pig once we were inside. I replied that if she was a decent host who served adequate food to both sexes then we wouldn't still be hungry, and left as soon as we were safe to drive (midmorning)
DH is very stressed about it all and wants me to call her. I have no wish to.
WIBU?

OP posts:
coffeeagogo · 26/08/2018 14:36

It's always a bit of a red herring for me when people talk about women vs men's calorific needs - I am 6'1 and active. I burn a hefty amount of calories just existing - my MIL does penis potions too - she is about 5 foot tall so I don't think she does it on purpose - she's a terrible cook so I don't say anything Grin and make sure I get food when we go out

Anyway, OP I think you are fabulous - I wish I had your (balls) attitude

hipposarerad · 26/08/2018 14:36

So the charmless old bitch insults you twice (once with the tiny meal and again with the name calling) and your H expects you to make the first move and call her? Fuck that, fuck her and fuck him too for being unsupportive.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 26/08/2018 14:37

Your MIL was out of order, no excuses. I don't know why some posters are giving you (and the rest of us) a lecture about how men need more calories, yada yada. That's really irrelevant to this issue.

My aunt used to be like this, tiny portions, used to give me far less than my brothers - would have fitted on a side plate with room to spare. She would watch me eat it and compete with me that she was eating far less (it was the same as my portion). I'm quite stubborn and I've never minded missing meals, so when she next did it, she started to eat, I just pushed the food around a bit and said, "Thank you, I've had enough, may I get down now?". There was nothing missing from the plate.

It didn't teach her a lesson I'm sure, but it taught me one - when somebody is being unfair, you have the right to discount their opinions. I didn't visit that aunt often and never ate at her house again even though that seemed to cause her distress. Not my problem, I won't play those games.

Good on you, Aldi, your MIL ceased to have a meaningful viewpoint when she decided that rudeness was the way forward. Silly woman.

I would tell your husband how you feel about this, whether you're prepared to meet her halfway - or not - and then close the subject. Just make sure he's clear on what you will and will not do.

AtleastitsnotMonday · 26/08/2018 14:37

If you eat there again, (I know you won’t be rushing back anytime soon) I’d offer to help take the plates in and accidentally serve the gents the ladies plates.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 26/08/2018 14:38

I wouldn't stoop to the level of some of the posters here though and call her names - that would put you on par with your MIL and I'm sure you have more grace than that.

nearlythesummer · 26/08/2018 14:38

My MIL has made comments to me like this (although she's never called me a pig, as far as I know!) Just before my wedding she said she thought I was on a diet, as we sat eating our dinner. My mum also tries to give me smaller portions and no pudding etc-she's always been like that. Why people think that this is the way to make people lose weight makes me cross. Never mind. She should apologise to you, but the issue of your weight is her problem so don't take on board her comments.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/08/2018 14:39

astounded it is entirely up to op how much she eats, I don't give a monkeys what portions men and woman are supposed to eat, MIL was rude, this was a one off meal, not part of op daily diet ffs! The diet police are on here I see.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/08/2018 14:39

One what planet is a single roastie and a slice of meat acceptable! My 6 year old would eat more than that!

NotAnotherHeffalump · 26/08/2018 14:40

I agree with trancepants giving men a larger portion of food isn't sexism, they have different calorific needs as they're generally bigger and carry more muscle (please note GENERALLY before I get dozens of examples of women who know men who are smaller than them).

I love my food, so I serve myself a big portion and plate up my DH and any other men an extra big portion. It actually really annoys me that at my MILs she serves my DS who is 9, my husband who is much taller than me, and me all the same size of portion. I redistribute it.

Your MIL calling you a pig is awful though, and I wouldn't have been happy if I was served the portion you described in your OP.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/08/2018 14:41

Tinkly that is disgraceful, very rude and bad hosting, I would have said loudly, where is my full English breakfast and dd then!

LakieLady · 26/08/2018 14:42

Too late now, but it would have been funny to say "Oooh, a mini roast dinner as a starter! How lovely" and then enquire what the main course was.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 26/08/2018 14:43

Gosh, that amount of food would barely have fed my 5yo adequately!
How enormously rude of your MIL to dictate to you what you should eat, based on her own feelings of how overweight you are!

At our house, whenever we have MIL over to dinner, we do dish up in the kitchen because our table isn't really big enough for all the dishes, but I know to a nicety how much we all need, and MIL gets to say how much she wants on her plate. We always have enough leftover in case anyone wants seconds (they almost never do).
MIL tends to put all the food out on the table and people help themselves at her place, but she has a much bigger table.

As for suggesting that a guest wouldn't want pudding - er no, fuck off, RUDE!

Don't get me started on her calling you a "pig" - although I'd be tempted to adapt the old Winston Churchill quote and say "I might be fat, but I can lose weight; you'll always be a sourfaced trout!" (Or similar).

Aeroflotgirl · 26/08/2018 14:44

It is sexism NotAnother, it is up to the person to decide what they eat, not the host. Some of the rude behaviour on here is inexcusable, like in Tinklylaugh case, how do you explain that the men were given a much better breakfast than the ladies who were only given toast, rude and sexist!

LeftRightCentre · 26/08/2018 14:44

I agree with trancepants giving men a larger portion of food isn't sexism, they have different calorific needs as they're generally bigger and carry more muscle

It is sexist. You're giving females less because they are female Hmm.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/08/2018 14:45

That roast dinner that was served to op, would not be enough for gangly, thin and waifey ds 6, that is a pre school portion, not an adult female portion,:whilst the men got lots of dinner, sexist and rude.

safetyfreak · 26/08/2018 14:46

Mil cannot win! A poster just said she gets really annoyed her MIL gives her the SAME portion size as her son and husband! Lol

maxthemartian · 26/08/2018 14:46

It's up to every adult individual to manage their own food intake. It's totally unacceptable for anyone to try and enforce it on someone else.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/08/2018 14:47

Oh ds 6 eats a lot, but runs and is active every moment of the day, he just does not sit still.

mooncuplanding · 26/08/2018 14:47

Pahhhh I serve women a smaller portion than men...biology

Also, after a meal (a roast of perhaps smaller than your usual portion) id think you were a pig eating fish and chips too

Dunno, guess people eat more than older generations did / do

Gersemi · 26/08/2018 14:49

People like this never seem to realise how counterproductive their tactics are. My mother used to obsess about my weight and would make a bit of a production out of giving me small portions, which I hated because it felt like putting a sign on me saying "Gersemi is fat." She also had a tendency to back me into a corner and harangue me about it, asking why I didn't go on a diet: she was quite taken aback when I pointed out that it was because I knew she would make such a big public deal of it. I remember her once saying that I shouldn't go into my father's office because it was an old building and the stairs might not take my weight - despite the fact that I was only slightly overweight and the stairs were perfectly capable of taking my father's very large colleagues, often two or three at a time.

Result: I was constantly snacking during the day to fill myself up in preparation for my mother giving me minuscule portions in the evening, and left home as soon as I could. And, contrary to her dire warnings that I would never catch a man, I've been happily married for years.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 26/08/2018 14:49

It isn't so much that the husband got more, more that the OP got so much less than any normal adult would expect. I wouldn't care about a man being given slightly more (although I tend to let adults decide themselves how much they eat), but I would be very upset and hurt by another adult giving my husband a huge meal and me almost nothing. There is no way for that to be anything other than spite.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/08/2018 14:49

Oh gosh Moon are you the MIL btw, you are rude and sexist. Yeh the roast dinner that could barely feed a 4 year old, riiiigh, that is meant to make up most of her calorie intake for that day being the main meal and all that. I would woolf down a fish and chips dinner after that, and I do excercise each day, kickboxing, bootcamp, walking etc.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 26/08/2018 14:50

Mostly at home we help ourselves. However when I do dish up, DH and DS, who are big and sporty and have big calorie needs get bigger portions than DS2 who is smaller and my DDs who eat less.

However everyone has the same share of the nice stuff and I always make enough for leftovers.

GooodMythicalMorning · 26/08/2018 14:51

Id rather serve too much than too little

PositivelyPERF · 26/08/2018 14:51

Dearie me, some ladies will pay a fortune to go to an expensive spa and yet when we MiLs give you the same treatment for free its not appreciated at all. DiLs can be so ungrateful ime. I suggest you send your dMiL a big box of chocolates to apologise.

You’re wise words are always welcome. I aspire to be like you when I become a mil. 😁 I hope you’re still giving out your sage advice on your very thread.