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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Penis portions

443 replies

AldiAisleOfTat · 26/08/2018 12:23

It's a MIL one sorry!
Generally I like MIL. Our relationship isn't that bad, however, I'm fat and she really really can't cope with the idea that I'm not crash dieting. She is permanently on a diet.
We stayed with them yesterday. Lunch while traveling and then dinner there. Roast chicken.
I was served a single roastie, a slice of breast meat and 2 tablespoons of veg. Mil had slightly more. FIL and DH had laden plates.
After looking in shock I asked for some more, she said there wasn't any. DH then split his food with me, leaving us both with reasonable sized portions. Later on because of the atmosphere we went off to the pub and had a little too much to drink, we got fish and chips on the way home, and ate them sitting in her garden while she glared through the kitchen window.
She then made some comment about me being a pig once we were inside. I replied that if she was a decent host who served adequate food to both sexes then we wouldn't still be hungry, and left as soon as we were safe to drive (midmorning)
DH is very stressed about it all and wants me to call her. I have no wish to.
WIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
AldiAisleOfTat · 26/08/2018 17:49

@ofthread love the name!

OP posts:
Whaaaatthe · 26/08/2018 18:40

Penis portions GrinGrinGrin

Tell your DH not to worry as if he thinks you need to ‘talk it out’ for her being fucking rude to you, then he’s not man enough to qualify for penis portions in future Angry

Epic win on eating the chips whilst she watched btw Grin

Lookingforadvice123 · 26/08/2018 18:58

PickAChew has nailed it really and this is what my parents/PILs tend to do really - I will always get served plenty, but DH generally gets more, or a bigger piece of cake etc. I imagine if OP had been served a portion that would have satisfied her, she probably wouldn't have noticed that her DH had a bigger one, a couple of extra spuds etc.

Lookingforadvice123 · 26/08/2018 19:06

goodgirls I refer back to my first post - I was at a (tiny) friend's house once and she made us both identical lunches. Half a pitta bread, couple of carrot sticks, bit of ham, small dollop of houmous. I would've eaten more at home, a whole pitta bread for start and a much larger dollop of homous! But my friend was providing lunch for me. I would never have asked for more, it would have been rude.

If the MIL had a normal portion and the OP a ridiculously smaller one then yes, of course it's rude and odd.

goodgirls · 26/08/2018 19:07

It doesn't matter what your friend did or your thoughts on that. In the scenario actually at hand OP was in no way rude. At all.

Lookingforadvice123 · 26/08/2018 19:10

But we haven't seen the portion have we?

Lookingforadvice123 · 26/08/2018 19:11

The OP says MIL had slightly more. What's slightly more? Two extra slices of carrot? Hardly noticeable. If the MIL had a much larger portion then that's different. But the OP doesn't say that.

goodgirls · 26/08/2018 19:14

Do we have to? It doesn't matter what MIL had, the two men were given far bigger amounts to eat.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/08/2018 19:21

What was rude was that op was given a portion the size that a preschooler would eat, not an adult female, and she had much less than the rest, which was downright rude.

toolazytothinkofausername · 26/08/2018 19:22

Can't you explain to your DH that you cannot go to your MIL for meals any more. Either go when it is not meal time, or have them to yours instead.

FritataPatate · 26/08/2018 19:24

Staying in a SC holiday cottage near my PILs I had planned ahead and packed eggs and bacon for a lovely cooked breakfast on the first morning of our holiday. DH was eating his portion when the PILs arrived, having had breakfast at home already. I popped the kettle on to make tea before setting down to my breakfast when I heard DH say to FIL, "Would you like some bacon & egg?". Offering MY breakfast Shock! Greedy FIL said, "Yes, please!" and ate the lot. Ten years on I still can't believe my DH gave away my lovely breakfast!

pandarific · 26/08/2018 19:46

@mooncuplanding totally seems worth falling out with family over a few roast potatoes

Yes, after all MIL who called op a pig and is SUCH a delightful person and certainly not an internalised misogyny-ridden thicko is family. Family, don't you know. Hmm

...nah, fuck that.

Original poster
AldiAisleOfTat · 26/08/2018 19:48

looking she had another potato and more veg.
She hasn't done this to this extent before, certainly smaller portions than the men, usually identical to hers.
Wonder if she ran out and then didn't redistribute, or thought I ate too much last time I saw them. I'd missed a meal so was hungry!

OP posts:
derxa · 26/08/2018 19:51

You were both rude and silly. Give over.

SchrodingersMeowth · 26/08/2018 20:22

So basically you went out of your way to re-enforce her opinion? You took the extra your DP gave you (she probably eye rolled at that) then drank to excess and then had a chippy in front of her too and let her call you a pig without pulling her up?

By not telling her in the first place and then basically just stuffing as much in as possible in front of her that’s basically just trying to make her think you’re greedy.

Why not just say “oh, you seem to have accidentally given DH half of mines!”

You really do need to get your DH to phone her and tell her she was out of order, although I have a feeling you’ve misconstrued the pig comment.

And never trust the calories on a Fitbit, it’s a load of shite unfortunately.

OlennasWimple · 26/08/2018 20:26

all other things being equal

^^ This was the key bit of what I said about men and women of similar stature needing different amounts of calories to maintain body weight, Sleeping. But you seem to have missed it, so I thought I'd say it again

helpawomanout · 26/08/2018 21:16

Urgh. My auntie done this penis portion thing to me once but kind of in reverse and it's something I am still annoyed about today.

Me and my uncle both got the same take away meal (t bone steak and chips) my steak was bigger and she insisted that I swap with my overweight uncle. It is my favourite meal and I never leave any, I annoyingly swapped but have never forgiven her. Sounds petty, but is a T-bone steak that I only have abroad once a year.

Fuck her and fuck your mother in law, some people are just too weird about food and applying restrictions based on sex is as weird as it gets.

Namelessinseattle · 26/08/2018 21:17

Personally I have a secret height chart at the door and a hidden scales in the porch. I then casually make a few subtle enquiries- I work hard to give these as unpracticed an air as possible #mrcollinsstyle - to identify active vs sedentary lifestyle. And finally I ask what my guests have already eaten today.

Then I just pop into the kitchen and crank up my excel so I can work out how many calories each person needs for dinner.

Obvs it causes upset when I have to explain to guests why they didn’t get any gravy but just making sure no one gets more than they need.

PussGirl · 26/08/2018 21:29

Regardless as to whether a 5' firefighting woman eats more than a 6' couch-potato man, it is unacceptable to leave guests hungry, to make assumptions about their diets, & to make rude, personal remarks about them.

Feeding guests ought to be a joyous occasion, not a mealy-mouthed, sniping control-fest.

NellMangel · 26/08/2018 21:32

Yanbu. She was incredibly rude and a shit host.

My mum does the same sort of thing. Last roastie should go to a man etc. If I'm sick the silver lining of losing weight is the only response . She has food issues and has been dieting for over 60 years. I just ignore the judgement, I'm a healthy weight and enjoy food so meh!

Pringlecat · 26/08/2018 21:33

As a general rule, men do need more calories than women. It used to drive me mad when my ex insisted on plating up equal portions for both of us.

However, the OP admits to being overweight, so she will need more calories to maintain her current weight, and frankly, who tries to adjust portion sizes for calorific needs when feeding visitors? I don't think anyone has covered themselves in glory, but I think MIL is more in the wrong and the OP was clearly hangry. No one makes smart decisions when hangry.

OrangeSunsets · 26/08/2018 21:37

My MIL is slim. I was slim
When I met DH. I haven’t been able to lose baby weight since I had DD 8 years ago, despite trying.
MIL said to me a few years ago that DH won’t find me attractive unless I lose some weight. I replied that I don’t want him to find me more attractive;I won’t be able to sit down Wink she hasn’t commented since Grin

Mellridden · 26/08/2018 21:44

Merryoldgoat

She called you a pig? It would be a cold day in hell before I called her. And if my DH didn’t back me up there’d be serious problems.

THIS!

PositivelyPERF · 26/08/2018 21:49

I know where you went wrong OP. You should have got yourself an Irish mam in law. Mine used to stress out that I wasn’t eating enough and tried to force feed me soda bread and apple tart. I really miss that wee woman.

twattymctwatterson · 26/08/2018 21:52

I opened this thinking it was going to be a very different thread

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