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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Penis portions

443 replies

AldiAisleOfTat · 26/08/2018 12:23

It's a MIL one sorry!
Generally I like MIL. Our relationship isn't that bad, however, I'm fat and she really really can't cope with the idea that I'm not crash dieting. She is permanently on a diet.
We stayed with them yesterday. Lunch while traveling and then dinner there. Roast chicken.
I was served a single roastie, a slice of breast meat and 2 tablespoons of veg. Mil had slightly more. FIL and DH had laden plates.
After looking in shock I asked for some more, she said there wasn't any. DH then split his food with me, leaving us both with reasonable sized portions. Later on because of the atmosphere we went off to the pub and had a little too much to drink, we got fish and chips on the way home, and ate them sitting in her garden while she glared through the kitchen window.
She then made some comment about me being a pig once we were inside. I replied that if she was a decent host who served adequate food to both sexes then we wouldn't still be hungry, and left as soon as we were safe to drive (midmorning)
DH is very stressed about it all and wants me to call her. I have no wish to.
WIBU?

OP posts:
RomanyRoots · 26/08/2018 15:54

I'm not in the equal portion camp, because a man of 6ft needs more food than a woman or man of 4ft something. Most men I know eat more than their wives, unless the wife is fat and consuming too much food.

However, I am in the camp of being a decent host, not calling your guests fat and giving them a meagre portion because you think they need to cut down.
What an awful woman.
i give penis sizes, sorry, but I also do kids portions as they'd be big fatties if I gave them the same as an adult.

maxthemartian · 26/08/2018 15:57

Romany do you give different sized portions when serving yourself and DH/kids or when you have guests?
If it's the former, knock yourself out. You know how much everyone wants or needs.
If it's the latter though then that's rude af and you're policing other adults calorie intake on the basis of their sex.

OlennasWimple · 26/08/2018 15:58

This subject comes up regularly on MN (usually with a MIL and an overweight poster). I feel like I should save my comment to just C&P it as needed

Men need more calories per day than women. If a similar sized woman eats the same amount as a similar sized man, all other things being equal she will put on weight when he would just maintain weight.

Get offended at being served stingy portions

Get offended at women all being served after the men

Get offended at women being denied the tastiest bits of the meal (not enough Yorkshires for everyone type thing)

Get offended at men being served the "best" bits (men getting breast meat, women getting the wings)

But there's no need - unless there are other background circumstances - to offended at smaller portions per se

AlphaBravo · 26/08/2018 15:59

@tinklylittlelaugh I would disown my mother for behaviour like that. What sort of impression is she giving your kids ffs. That is beyond toxic.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/08/2018 16:01

Olennas would you give the same portions to a 6ft2 female rugby player, and to a 5ft 2 slim man, no you woulden't because Female quite rightly would need more calories.

NotAnotherHeffalump · 26/08/2018 16:02

pickachew and aeroflotgirl I agree with you wholeheartedly. I wasn't defending the OPs MIL bit responding to PPs who thought it was sexist that men and women have different calorific needs.

As I've said in all my PPs MIL was very rude and out of order.

I think it's rude if anyone leaves underfed. Denying women the "best bits" of a meal like OlennasWimple mentions is sexist.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/08/2018 16:02

in this senario. So sexism has to be accepted Hmm what is this teaching girls, with it comes the message that they are less than men.

vampirethriller · 26/08/2018 16:04

My mother has been known, when serving food onto plates in the kitchen for family meals, to take meat off mine and put it on my brothers after having a look before taking them through to the table. In front of me. When I usually cook the meal if we're all together.
Don't apologise.

swimlyn · 26/08/2018 16:05

A big woman with a small man, a big man with a small woman. Yup possibly different needs, but it is their choice. A good host knows this.

Has anyone mentioned fast and slow metabolisms yet? People of equal sizes can have different needs too.

Mooncuplanding
…I happen to think you were and are being rude based on very flimsy evidence that she was judging you. Because even if she was, perhaps her intentions are still good, and refusing to resolve it is just massively spoilt brattish

Flimsy evidence. Ah yes, calling someone a pig is quite a compliment in some cultures I believe.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 26/08/2018 16:05

Alpha my mum is kind of nice whilst being toxic though, so it's taken me a lot to get my head round it. But my kids are mostly grown up and they see a lot of it more clearly than me so that helps.

Anyway, this isn't my thread and I've hogged a lot of it. I should probably start my own.

hipposarerad · 26/08/2018 16:06

Someone (moon cup I think) said "... based on very flimsy evidence that she was judging you"

She gave a family member a noticeably minuscule meal, herself a slightly larger meal and the other 2 diners a very large meal. This was a very clear message from a judgmental busy body and not the least bit 'flimsy'.

She's spiteful and cruel and the OP's husband is a spineless mummy's boy.

BewareOfDragons · 26/08/2018 16:07

I'm glad you've told your DH that his mother is bang out of order here, OP. She embarrassed you at the table by not serving you a reasonable amount of food, then called you a pig by actually acquiring and eating more food.

She sounds vile. She owes you an apology and a commitment that this treatment, 'looks' and snarky comments end or you won't be visiting her ever again.

goodgirls · 26/08/2018 16:22

I think it's hard without seeing the size of the portion she served you, but I do think it's a bit rude to ask for any more

You think that if you are served a toddler portion of food while the people around you are served full platefuls, its rude to ask for more ?

I don't know what planet you live on but its not mine!

HotSauceCommittee · 26/08/2018 16:23

Ha ha, I’m the eldest of four sisters and after a few times of bringing my then BF home, he privately complained to me about being given “girls portions”. I found this hilarious so went straight to Mum and told her. She found it amusing so brought it up an another family meal where DBIL chimed in saying he loves roast potatoes and Mum never gave him enough. Now, she always makes extra for DH and DBIL and it is milked as a family joke. There’s no need to be so serious about stuff like this and go calling people (guests!) horrible names, glaring at them.
What’s the point?
I hope I remember this when I’m a MIL (2 DSs) and we can all have a laugh and eat what we want.
Because, otherwise, why all be together warring?

marylou1977 · 26/08/2018 16:23

Moon up landing. You are wrong. I don’t know why you are bending over backwards to justify the treatment of the daughter in law. This whole scenario doesn’t sound like it happened in a vacuum. It sounds as if the MIl has been judgemental all along. I don’t find it particularly rude that they bought fish and chips to have in the garden. They didn’t bring it inside to eat in front of the MIL. I assume it was quite late and it was the MIL’s choice to stand and glare out the window. She called the DIL a pig, but not her son. She should mind her own business and stop trying to control other peoples’ food intake.

goodgirls · 26/08/2018 16:27

Yes it is not sexist to say that women have different calorific needs to men. We all get that

It is sexist, completely. I'm 5ft8 and do a job involving a lot of physical work, plus a lot of exercise. I am strong and a bit muscly. My younger brother is 5ft5, theres more meat on a butchers pencil, and he barely moves from one day to the next.
Explain to me how its not sexist to state he needs more calories than me because of his penis?

bastardkitty · 26/08/2018 16:31

Can only assume there have been a fair few threads already about some of the deluded, mannerless MILs who've posted on this thread.

Lunde · 26/08/2018 16:35

So for all of the penis-portion apologists on this thread - what is the reason for the MIL serving OP less than she served herself?

It is, pure and simple, rude and inhospitable! Going to family/friends for dinner is supposed to be a fun, enjoyable experience - not an enforced dietary boot camp.

HotSauceCommittee · 26/08/2018 16:38

It isn’t sexist to acknowledge that in general, men need more calories than women, but it is sexist and rude to enforce it on guests and call them pigs.

PrincessWire · 26/08/2018 16:43

My nan used to be like this with my aunt (her DIL). Aunt was about 4 foot 10 and 6 stone wet through but ate like a horse. Nan, like lots of women of her generation (born before WW1), ate like a sparrow and assumed aunt did too. One day she plated up Sunday dinner and aunt sat in uncle's usual place. Nan went to swap the plates but aunt started eating before she could. She ate it all and asked for seconds - nan never gave her a smaller portion again!

Aeroflotgirl · 26/08/2018 16:46

The crux of this is, MIL was rude and nasty, she served a significantly small portion to op than anybody else, including herself, as a dig about her weight, called op a pig when she ate fish and chips in the garden with her dh. I guess that this is the straw that broke the camels back, as it is not the first time this has happened.

DanglyEarOrnaments · 26/08/2018 17:02

Realistically i know I wouldn't bother with her again but...

YRDNBU

At the same time, if I were to think into the future when emotions had cooled I think I would then (and only then) wish to act with kindness and offer an olive branch, but at the same time try to explain how these actions had mde me feel as a fellow human being!

It would take me a while to process my feelings and come round to be the better and kinder person though and certainly NOT under DH's instructions!

CheeseAndOnionIceCream · 26/08/2018 17:24

She called you a pig? If that was my MIL,she could go fuck herself.

Huggybear16 · 26/08/2018 17:30

@Ofthread

It's great to see so many women doing their bit to uphold the patriarchy through the medium of roast potatoes.

I actually snort laughed at that. Snort laughed like a pig

SleepingStandingUp · 26/08/2018 17:40

Men need more calories per day than women. If a similar sized woman eats the same amount as a similar sized man, all other things being equal she will put on weight when he would just maintain weight
Oh do give over. If the 5 ft 10 medium build guy sits in an office all day and the 5 ft 10 medium build woman if a firefighter HE doesn't need more calories than her. If after shift he goes online gaming and she goes out with her running club he doesn't need more calories than her. If they go on holiday together and he sits by the pool reading all week and she goes abseiling, rock climbing and hill walking he doesn't need more calories than her. His penis would need to be doing a lot of work not associated with her to justify extra calorific needs