To be upset my friends have met up without me?

[creamandpink]

Saw on Instagram

Boo boo, feel v sorry for me today.

I also don't really understand, it was a get together with their young kids but you don't have any?would it be normal for you to attend this kind of event?

I'm sure they didn't mean any harm.

However for calling it a "mummy meeting" I'd also exclude you, it's so cringe it makes my teeth hurt. 🤣

I suppose it might depend on whether it was for them or the kids?

This happened to me many years ago. A goup of us who worked together used to go to each other's houses every half term for a meal, and last day of term out for drinks straight from work.
One end of term, on the penultimate day I asked where we would go for drinks the following day, they all said they couldn't make it. After school on the last day, I stayed a little later to get stuff done. When I walked out, two of them were walking across the car park having got changed into going out clothes. They didn't see me. When I got home, I texted one of them and asked them what they were planning for the evening. They said they were in the supermarket and planning a boring night in. I also texted one of the others for a chat. She said she was having an early night. Later that evening, up popped a photo on FB of the four of them, posted by a mutual acquaintance.
I was gutted! I fond it hard to speak to them when we returned to work. Even now, many years later, we all work in different places but those four meet up regularly.
It did wonders for my self esteem.

This used to happened to me frequently quite a few years ago. I shared a rental property with a friend. Mutual friends would come around and go off to a cafe or wherever without asking me. It was so hurtful. One day I said to them I am coming too! That stopped the conversation big time.

I agreed with you at first but not if it's a thing for the kids and you don't have any. Outings with the kids are rarely fun from an adult socialising point of view, it's an endurance!

feel v sorry for me today.

Oh poor you

I had something similar a few weeks ago - an adult ed class I’ve neen going to for several years apparently have a WhatsApp group and organised end of term drinks after our last class. I didn’t know because I’m not on the WhatsApp group. But someone mentioned it during the class and I hung around at the end to join in.

I just found it hilarious how they all lingered until I’d left. I felt like saying to them that it was just funny that they were behaving like children in a school playground.

I’m a nice person really.

Rise above it OP

This happens to me regularly. In fact, we met up as a group recently and discussed a day out with friends and kids, I expressed an interest to come along.

They went without me, no mention of it until it was up on Facebook. Regular occurrence. I've given up on them now. I'm the weird childless one so I don't matter anymore because I can't produce offspring and join their special club.. I don't know whether to blame my shitty, useless uterus or my shitty 'friends'.
Maybe both.

Sorry this happened to you OP, it's really bloody hurtful.

This is why I gave up on being arsed with 'friends' some years ago. I am middle-aged now, (late 40's,) and have not bothered with friends for about 10 years. Basically, because all I got was shit on, let down, used, picked on, tapped for money and favours (but rarely got anything in return,) jealousy and bitterness and catty remarks, snide comments coz my kids did better than theirs in school, copying/trying to out-do me (and DH,) being nosey, gossiping about me (and others,) and just generally pissing me off and irking me, and draining me and boring me with their constant problems that were ALWAYS bigger than mine.

I'm not saying I am a better person than any of them, but I got bored and fucked off with 'friends' by around the age of 40, and decided I couldn't be arsed anymore. I know it's probably not an ideal way to live for some, but it works for me. Yes, I have less people to depend on, but at the same time, I don't have people bugging me, boring me, and pissing me off for a myriad of reasons.

Oh I am friendly and civil with neighbours and have friendly acquaintances who I strike up a conversation with in town, or in my village, or at the pub, and I chat freely in a couple of hobby groups, but actual friends??? No thanks. Friends are overrated, and a pain in the arse.

I have had, on a number of occasions, women try to strike up a friendship with me in the past 9-10 years, and have lost count of the amount of times I have been asked to their house for dinner, or a drink, but I always politely decline, and always keep them at arm's length. They are always puzzled as I am outwardly pleasant and friendly, but that is as far as it goes. I do not want to be their friend.

I know I sound like a twat LOL, but it's incidents like what happened to the OP, that has made me like this.

That is so mean......... :(

Also, to those saying they wouldn't consider inviting a childless friend out on a group outing, what if she's the only one in the group who has no kids? What if a day out with friends and kids is the only way to get everyone together for a catch up?

I am that person and I don't see time with friends and kids as hard work, because I enjoy spending time with them and perhaps because I like spending time with their kids, despite not having my own.

Being excluded because of having not borne womb fruit is really bloody hurtful, so maybe think about extending an invite and letting the childless person decide whether they want to come along?

I recently upset a friend by meeting up with a girl she introduced me to for dinner. Second friend and I live in the same town so it is easy for me and her to meet up after work- it would be a forty minute drive for first friend to join us.
First friend and her best friend (who is also in our friendship group) often go out with inviting me and second friend and I have learned not to to take it personally.

I can see why you’d feel excluded but I think you’re making a mistake in thinking of it as a ‘mummy meeting’ - whenever I’ve been involved in this kind of meet up it revolves around doing something for the kids - so a place that they’d enjoy and focused on keeping them happy and entertained. So it’s a kid meet up really, the adults are just there to facilitate it. I would never think to invite someone without kids simply because I would know that none of the adults there would choose to be there if they didn’t have kids.

Only you know the women involved and whether you think they’re nice or the sort who deliberately exclude people - but honestly, I would just say to them that you’d like to go if they do it again - then there will be no misunderstanding or assumptions - if they exclude you after that then they’re not worth bothering with

My friends only met each other at my wedding, I find it works better like that.

I can understand why you're upset, but I wouldn't take it personally if it was something focussed around their kids. I wouldn't expect a friend without kids to want to go to a soft play centre or similar, though it depends what type of outing it was.

My worst one was I’d suggested taking a mare out who was really down and needed to avoid some one so I suggested going out of the area. Then I get a picture message the next day with both friends and another at the place I’d fucking suggested

As it happend I ended up getting very poorly that day with an eptopic pregnancy so I would have been fucked as it was out in the sticks.

gunty I was going to write the same post at your latest one. I’m in the same position.

To all those posters not inviting your childless friends because you think they won’t want to come, please ask them! Even if they say no, it’s less isolating to actually be asked. It’s bloody awful not being able to havd kids and it’s made worse by your friends leaving you out because they think you won’t want to be part of their group any more.

I don't see time with friends and kids as hard work

Kids are hard work though. It can be really difficult trying to entertain and control a group of small children and make sure your childless friend isn't picking at the hem of her top, flicking through her phone or staring at the clock through sheer boredom, or rolling her eyes in frustration at the conversation being interrupted again by a child needing a wee.

Even the fact that OP referred to it as a "Mummy meeting" rather than a "play date" (which is what it is) makes me wonder what the other side to this is.

If OP was regularly excluded from things not involving children I could understand, but from how the post is written I'm guessing that's not the case.

It can be really difficult trying to entertain and control a group of small children and make sure your childless friend isn't picking at the hem of her top, flicking through her phone or staring at the clock through sheer boredom, or rolling her eyes in frustration at the conversation being interrupted again by a child needing a wee.

That’s a very judgy description of how women without children behave around kids.

It accurately describes me on outings with DC, and I have DC!

Just my personal experience. Whether they don't have children at all or their own are elsewhere.

Well it’s obvious people either dknt understand or don’t want to understand what it’s like for women who never end up having children.

Sad to realise it’s not just my friends who forget their childless friends exist when their mummy club friends are around.

Sorry you’ve got rubbish friends op. I’m hiding the thread now.

Sad to realise it’s not just my friends who forget their childless friends exist when their mummy club friends are around.

It's not about forgetting that they exist, it's about doing other things with them.

Excluding someone from everything is cruel, not inviting someone to one or two things (especially if you think it won't interest them) isn't.

I blame social media! In the past the same thing would have happened but you probably wouldn't have known about it and you wouldn't be mulling it over now.

How many friends? If it was a group of friends and you were the only one not involved, then that would seem really mean. If you are a in a tight trio of friends who usually do things with you I would also think that it was mean that they didn't say something beforehand. I think it really depends on the situation and if you are a bit sensitive. I knew someone who I am friendly with but who had a very hectic social life of her own compared to my fairly quiet one. If I arranged to do anything with other acquaintances that she knew, she would be heartbroken at being left out despite never inviting me to anything.
I think you need to think about how these friends generally treat you. Have they got form for this sort of thing or might it be that they just fancied meeting up with their kids because they are both in the same boat? I think you need to make sense of the situation to work out whether your sense of hurt is justified.

Please don't take it too personally OP, particularly if you meet up with friends for non child related days. I have 2 very good childless friends and they have no desire whatsoever to come to soft play or go to peppa pig world and are happy with dinner/drinks/spa days etc minus the kids. I appreciate that not all childless adults may feel this way but maybe your friends think you will be bored/not interested in a play date.

I get it op. It's always happening.
One friend who organises girly weekends away with the kids, but I don't get invited as the only friend with boys.
A different group has a girl who will organise a couples night out, and make the single girls go elsewhere.
In laws have also done it to me. Had the decency not to stick in on fb, but slipped up months later when she got me mixed up with her other dil. I looked her square in the eye and said 4 times - it wasn't me, this is the first ive heard of your girls night - and it flew over her head every time.
I give up now