Would you leave your DCs behind?

[Americanoplease]

If you had to move to USA for business purposes, and they didn't want to leave the UK and but want to stay with their dad. Ages 18, 17 and 15.

Lol I'm surprised at the amount of people horrified at the thought of this. I moved out at 16 and hadn't needed my parents for years before that point

you know thats not normal though, right? And its not a good thing?

Toomanychilder
It's maybe not 'normal' by today's standards as children seem to live at home till their late twenties but it's common for many people to move out at 16+ when they are in full time employment or at uni living in halls. I know plenty of people who moved out in their mid teens...

If they want to stay with their dad, I don't see why you shouldn't go...

I couldn’t do it but that doesn’t mean I would ever think badly of anyone who chose to do it.

No, it has never been norma (in modern terms)l to move out mid teens, and its never been normal to not need your parents from several years before 16. Your perceptions are way off,

Toomanychilder
All due respect but you don't know me or the community I'm from. I didn't need my parents to care for me as I was a very capable 14 year old that made my own dinners, babysat for pocket money and got myself up for school. Alot of my friends were brought up the same. The independence, responsibility and trust has helped me become very successful so while my thoughts and experiences may be different from yours I can assure you my 'perception' isn't way off..

I know that isn't anything to boast about and shouldn't be used to advocate for neglect of children.

I don't think Dani's perceptions are 'way off', TooMany, they may be different from yours but that doesn't make them wrong.

Many, many people have good familial relationships whilst not being enmeshed. If is possible to have a healthy and close, yet seperate relationship with one's parents.

Nay, I'd say it's the healthiest way to be!

Somebody always has to try to make it about gender on mumsnet!

Whether I was a woman or a man, if my teenage children did not want to go with me, I would not go. (I'm presuming this isn't a life or death situation). Whether OP is a man or a woman, I would advise them not to go. We're talking about children who still live with their parent/s! Being made to face a choice of moving somewhere they don't want to go, or being left by their parent. Not nice.

Toomanychilder
Lmao I wasn't neglected and am certainly not advocating it. If your 14 year old can't cook a simpld meal for themselves or wake up for school then maybe you are molly coddling a bit. I'm also not "boasting" merwly dharjng my experiences and putting my 2 cents in as you do on mumsnet. Maybe you have some childhood trauma you need to resolve cos you're getting a bit ridiculous.

Thank you Ilikeyourhairyhands some folk obviously only see purely in black and white x

Oh and FYI toomanychilder Im a social worker so certainly don't advocate neglecting children...

To those saying the kids might end up wanting to move to the USA...

That will mean they will no longer qualify for home fees in the UK, or a UK student loan, should they want to go to university in the UK.

And if they want to go in the USA, then it is tens of thousands of pounds more expensive than the UK and you have to take out private loans.

I would not want to move teenagers to the US at this stage in their education.

There are more important things, like new life experiences. It would be a no brainer

New life experiences are great, but that doesn't mean people should automatically want to uproot their life and move to a new country just because a family member has an opportunity to work there. Plenty of adults wouldn't want to do that, so why should a parent expect their teenagers to (at an age where moving is even more of an upheaval than it is for an adult)?

I've lived in numerous countries and enjoyed it, but if my OH wanted me to move to the USA I would say no thanks!

Gender Diego? No fucker's made this about gender.

They're not children, they're adults or almost adults. A totally different scenario.

Relationships with nearly adult children are secure if they are and aren't if they aren't. Most of the parent/child bonding has been done by that age. That's not to say a 15 year-old doesn't need their mother occasionally. But it's also to say, if a strong bond is already there it really will not be catastrophic to a 15 year-old if their mother is not there physically, but is available.

No, no way. I have a little insight - many of my relatives were schooled abroad at that age, which is comparable in some respects. I also have first hand experience of something similar.

Broadly speaking, I think there is a big difference between teenagers moving out to go to uni etc and a parent opting to work abroad and leave them at home. And 15 years old? No way.

Gender Diego? No fucker's made this about gender

Eh? Someone asked if people would be giving the same response if OP was a man. And a couple of other PPs implied only women would be told to stay. ??

But these (almost adult) children have a fine and engaged father they will be living with.

They've not been abandoned.

I also couldn’t. How important is the opportunity?

Ahh Diego you are mixing sex and gender there my friend.

Ahh Diego you are mixing sex and gender there my friend

Oh god, you quoted me just to make that point? Yawn.

Err, no, that was my own quote. I quoted no-one.

But crack on!

I was referring to you quoting my post saying people made it about gender. Just to make some tired point about gender vs. sex. Or something. Like I said, all very boring and not relevant at all to the point I was making.

Back to the topic of the OP, anyone?

In a heartbeat. My kids are cunts though

I personally wouldn’t. And I’m the full time wohp with a very hands on sahp for a husband. Once the children had grown up and left home then possibly I’d consider it, but not until then.

DH’s mother moved to the US when he was 18 and at Uni. His home until then had been with her (holidays etc) but he also had a good / involved relationship with his dad. He felt essentially homeless when she moved and their relationship has never recovered. It was good beforehand, but he’s had issues relating to that ever since.

Given his experiences, I wouldn’t be willing to jeopardise the current very good/close relationship I have with my children by moving so far away until they were established in their own separate homes. Possibly not even then, to be honest. I live a long way from my family (through choice) and while we will always be emotionally close, the distance does make a difference.