Would you leave your DCs behind?

[Americanoplease]

If you had to move to USA for business purposes, and they didn't want to leave the UK and but want to stay with their dad. Ages 18, 17 and 15.

I have a friend who’s parents decided to sell up and go travelling while her sister was at uni

She has ened up being a defacto parent for her sister

It’s made her effectively homeless also last week her sister was invloved in a hit and run

Amazingly Skype wasn’t really effective my friend had to go and sort the police sort the hospital and now will have to hand hold through a trial

Parents are like many of the above posters

Felt that the sister should have fucked off her uni course to go move to around the world with them and Skype can cure all parenting ills

No way. My babies are my life even when near adults! I don't want to miss anything.

Nellie that's kind of my reason. I love being with them and the thought of not being the one they tell about stuff (suggesting Skype to talk with teens who take ages to open up is laughable) would be awful. I don't feel frustrated though, career-wise, or that 'it's time to put me first', if you feel like that you should take action waaaay before their mid-teens, preferably not by coming up with a plan to be on a different continent.

Oof no. My aunt and uncle left my 18 year old cousin behind to move thousands of miles away for an opportunity to make a shitload of money. It was only supposed to be for two years, ended up being for thirty.

My cousin coped, but it was very, very hard for her. I could never do that to my kids.

No. If the youngest is 15 you only need wait a few years to see them through school and into adulthood.

And yes, I do think badly of fathers who move to another country and leave their children behind.

No way. If the youngest was 18 maybe yes but not with a 15 and 17 year old.

And the idea of them moving to the US with you is a non runner imo. The 18 year old is either going to university/college or working. Either way he can't move. The 17 and 15 year olds would be in high school in the US. The system is radically different so you would have to find and pay for an international school that did the IB or a british international school or throw them into a system that is light years removed from the British system. An irish kid would have a far better chance of adapting because the leaving cert system is more similar.

How often do you see your teenagers anyway!

every day unless they are away on a trip. We have dinner together pretty much every night. Mine are the ages of the OP's children.

And what about absent fathers who've never been present in their children's lives?

Single parents manage to bring up well-balanced children in my experience. There's no reason a parent moving away and keeping good, regular and involved contact should be to any huge detriment.

I'm sure if anything catastrophic were to happen, OP could be on a plane PDQ.

And undoubtedly if OP were to take this opportunity it would open up further opportunities for the DC in the future.

No way, what's the point in having a family and then leaving them? I would worry that they would never get over it quite frankly. No job is worth losing your family for

And just because men do it a lot that doesn't make it right does it? For the children I mean?

How often do you see your teenagers anyway!

How selfish! So because YOU might not miss them that much (I would miss mine) its ok to abandon them before you have finished the job you started bringing them up.

15 is a child

As a pp said it doesn't matter male or female you are abandoning them if you leave the country before they are adults.

It all depends whether they see it as abandonment or not.

Pissing off without telling or consulting them, sure.

Moving after a long and rigourous process in which they were involved, consulted and actively invited? Not so much.

It does depend on the individual children and how the process is handled, but done well, it could be a positive move for a family.

welll, 15 year olds aren't known for long term planning and foreward thinking...so they may be on board with it and fine at the start and then be not at all later on. They are too young to know how they will feel in the future, they can't tell you they'll be fine.

And what about absent fathers who've never been present in their children's lives?

What about them? they're bad. But they have no bearing on a loving involved parent suddenly moving to the other side of the world and no longer being part of their day to day lives.

It may work out, it may be fine, everyone may be happy. But my issue would be that its a gamble. it may not work out, it may not be fine, no-one might be happy. And you can't go back and change it once its done, even if you come back, you always will have left.

Depends. So many factors at play.

Nope. Happened to my cousins and it didn’t pan out well for them at all. They are all doing ok now as adults, but all suffered a lot because of it.

Nope, no way. Even if the job would pay me millions of ££££££££££, I wouldn't leave my DC.

I honestly can't get worked up about this scenario.

I don't think it's necessarily harmful, it's certainly not rare.

We know very little about OP's circumstances.

My siblings and I were extremely independent at the age of 15 and our father worked abroad for periods and our mother was abroad for periods.

I honestly can't remember their comings and goings.

I didn't ever feel abandoned and now have a very close relationship with them both.

As long as the relationships are strong, it's not a massive deal.

The world is very small now, certainly much smaller so than when I was young.

No

Nope

Not a chance.

pretty sure it is quite rare, actually.

I couldn’t. I just don’t think I could function very well if I did. But I’m sure if the kids were willing that a more , I don’t know what, sane? Straightforward? Sensible ? type of person could do it well, providing frequent flights s back were an option.

Absolutely not.

I couldnt do it unless they could come with me

Lol I'm surprised at the amount of people horrified at the thought of this. I moved out at 16 and hadn't needed my parents for years before that point. Since then I speak to mum once a week perhaps. If she lived abroad it wouldn't of bothered me at all. I'd be happy she was in a good job and probably love the option of holidays in the USA. People need to stop being so sensitive as not all families need to live in each other's pockets. You don't need to see someone every day to know you are loved. People who say they will feel abandoned need to get a grip...

If it were a career I loved then I would consider it, if the children felt happy to stay with their dad and were ok with me going then yes I would do it.