Father of my unborn baby.. Doesn't want it.

[Annieeeee]

Hi everyone.. Sorry if i have posted this in the wrong place.. i am so very new to this and really needing advice and help and i dont have anyone to talk too..

So basically i started dating my partner 10 months ago. I knew when meeting him that he was a father of two at the age of 23 and his two children were to two different ex partners. Basically he got one girlfriend pregnant and left her when he found out, it straight with someone else and 6 months later got her pregnant too.. He then went back to his first ex girlfriend who had just given birth to his daughter at the time. They tried to make it work for a year and a half then he left her and got with me 10 months ago. He still hasnt to this day met his second child with the other ex partner as he says he hates her and the baby because he never wanted it.. I had made it quite clear to him i was on contraception to prevent having a child but that if anything ever happened i could never get rid of it which he agreed with. Well now 10 months later i am 5 weeks pregnant and he is basically forcing me to have an abortion. I should have seen this coming nut i guess i thought it would be different this time.. That surely there comes a time in every ones life where you say the scenario is not ideal but you work it out. Apparently not. I love him. I really do. I have gone through so much for him and done so much for him and i just feel like if he truly cared about me he would love this child and have it with me. I feel like im living in a world of hope.. The way he has been talking about my child.. Saying things like i just want this thing gone. Horrible horrible things. I guess what i am wanting advice on is if you all think i would be best to keep this child and get him to sign over parental rights. Thats the path i have been thinking of taking. I just feel like if me and this baby are not good enough now i dont want him coming back in 6 months when he realises he had it good and that the grass isnt necessarily greener... which he will. Honestly i just think he is so selfish.. he says he doesnt want or need another kid and that i need to have an abortion then we will have kids when he is ready.. So basically kill my child, our child and then go on living life together and stuff. Its so hard. I accepted his near 3 year old and treated her as my own. How could i ever be with somebody who i know has a child in his life to another female but wouldnt have mine.. I dont know im sorry if this makes no sense my head is a mess at the moment. Any advice would be great... Thanks.

Are you really surprised he showed you who he was when he left his pregnant gf the first one and was reckless to get another girl pregnant. Have the baby if you want to but be prepared to go it alone and have maintenance reduced for this third child. You sound extremely young op are you sure you want this link to the man for the rest of your life?

My advice is to talk to a therapist/councillor to work out your options.
You may have the abortion and be in this position again next year. He might leave you anyway. You might leave him.
But he has options (vasectomy) if he really doesn't want another kid and doesn't want to force women to have abortions. The fact he's not had it done and is trying to force you into something you don't want suggests he an arse. He chose to have sex knowing it can lead to pregnancy. He doesn't get to chose what you do now. Your body. Your choice.

He might not be willing to sign over his rights. I don’t think he will even owe much CM on his third child..
Take him at face value on when he says he doesn’t want this child and doesn’t want to be involved. My own husband said the same and I thought surely when he meets his baby he will come around. He didn’t.

Dear God, dump this utter shite. He can't make you have an abortion - that is your choice and your choice alone

Well take him out of the equation first of all. If you keep the baby, you'll be doing it on your own. If you have an abortion, I'd say your relationship would be over...which wouldn't be a bad thing as he sounds like a total waste of space.

So, the only question is...do you want a baby and are you prepared to be a single mum? Don't think he'll suddenly step up and you'll be playing happy families...it won't happen.

As for signing over parental rights? That isn't how it works. I'm assuming you aren't married...if you have the baby, you just don't put him on the birth certificate. He'd have to accompany you anyway if you and he wanted him to go on it. It doesn't sound like he'd want to be on it anyway? He'd still have to pay you child maintenance...whether he's on the birth certificate or not.

I guess i thought it would be different. At the time he did make it seem like it was all her fault but lately i have come to realize that is not the case. I am 22, I have had this happen to me before (apparently i have bad luck in terms of contraception) I at least try to do the right thing. I swore to myself i would never be in this position again. I wanted my last baby nut people talked me out of it and it has been one of the biggest regrets of my life. I will not forgive myself for it. I can not do that again. I am ready to step up and provide for this child. Thats the thing though, If i get him to sign parental rights i wont have any link to him. He will have no leg to stand on if he wants to come back. I dont want his money either. Money is all he gives a crap for,

No one can force you to have an abortion against your will. Do you anywhere else to live, Parents or friends? He has already walked out on 2 children so you know he is not a decent human being. He absolutely does not deserve your love. There is no such thing as parental rights just responsibilities. It sounds like he will not want to put his name down on the birth certificate but that does not and should not stop him financially supporting his child.

I agree with PPs saying he will change his mind is a pipe dream, he's shown by the age of 23 his attitude towards his children and their mothers, the way he is treating you is obnoxious but not unexpected. It's your call you either have this baby alone or you don't have the baby. Either way you deserve more than a man like that, can you get some support or counselling at a local family planning type clinic?

Accept what he says. If you continue with the pregnancy you'll be bringing up your child on your own without support of any kind from him. Only you know if you're prepared to do that.

Speaking personally, I couldn't love someone who treated their existing children the way he has.

Sorry everyone im trying to keep up.

He sounds like a lovely bloke. Perhaps he needs to take more responsibility for contraception if he is so against having children.
Don’t let anyone push you into having an abortion if that isn’t what you want.

More fool you why would you get with a bike waste of space who says he hates his own baby? You are just as bad for staying with this low life now all you are is baby mum number 3. No advice on what you should do about the baby but he won't stay if you have it anyway so no brainer really.

Thats the thing though, If i get him to sign parental rights i wont have any link to him. He will have no leg to stand on if he wants to come back

Are you in the UK? There aren't really parental rights in the UK, just parental responsibility as another poster said.

I dont want his money either

Don't be silly. He should pay for his child.

Why would you be any different? He doesn’t just have one dc, he has two dc to two different women and both ditched them when they got pregnant that’s a clear sign of who this bloke is he only sees one of them and doesn’t see the other child, what a waste of space. Most people wouldn’t have touched him with a barge pole on that basis. He’s now simply repeating history here. If you knew you had issues with contraception surely you would maybe seek alternative contraception to encourage the risk of pregnancy was reduced?

I think you need to ask yourself why you went for this man in the first place. You’re young with you’re whole life ahead of you. You don’t need to waste time on scum like this op.

Thank you everyone so far for all your advice it is so very appreciated. You are right in what you are saying. He will not change. It showed me when i said i didnt want the abortion and he grabbed me and screamed into my face that fact. I dont doubt he would hurt me if it solved the issue.. Hence why i havent been staying with him at the moment. How can i love somebody who doesnt want or love something we made. I am an utter idot for ever thinking he would change. This child deserves better. Its not about me anymore.

The very fact he’s not met his second child and ‘hates’ the mother so therefore hates the child, means he has no morals, is immature and irresponsible. You got with him knowing this about him. I could never get with someone who behaves in this way, he was not a teenager, a grown man.
If you have an abortion, he will not change. He will still be the same, awful father.
He needs to grow up. A lot.
Make your choice on what’s right for you, but if you’re asking advice, the father sounds like a waste of space.

Maintenance is not for you, it's for the child. If he has walked out on a child previously, it is highly unlikely he will want responsibility for another. Focus on you and your coming baby. I suspect he will just disappear like he did with his other child.

If he is not on the birth cert and you are not married he has no PR, but you are still entitled to CM.

But it is early days yet. I would kick him into touch and go low contact for your own sake. Its early days yet and anything could happen so I would just make plans for you and baby and get on with it.

he sounds awful, if I were you I'd be getting rid of him but continuing with the pregnancy (if that's what you want).
I'm not sure he would have parental rights if he isn't on the birth certificate since you're not married, but this could be wrong?

It’s sad to say op but your one of many women to bear his child and most likely they will be more. Maybe suggest to his ex about encouraging a relationship between siblings but that might be a stretch at the very least I would be keeping track of the children he has

You are all right. I was a idiot for it, i try to see the best in people. I assumed he would come round and see his other child. I tend to have a habit of going for people who need fixing.

It showed me when i said i didnt want the abortion and he grabbed me and screamed into my face that fact. I dont doubt he would hurt me if it solved the issue

Physically abusive too...it just gets worse and worse.

Honestly, in your situation, I think you should terminate and run as fast as possible away from this man. Then re-evaluate why you ended up with him in the first place.

If you're in the UK and not married, there's no such thing as ' signing over his rights'.
Don't put him on the Birth Certificate- you can't anyway without his agreement- and he will have no parental responsibility.
He could take you to court, do a DNA test, and gain PR that way.
But why would he do that for a baby he wants rid of?

Without him being acknowledged as the father, you can't get child maintenance, but given his life so far, I wouldn't hold much hope of that happening anyway.

Keep your baby, or don't proceed with the pregnancy. Do what's right for you.

Your relationship with him is dead in the water, either way. He's not supporting you now, and he won't support you in the future. Don't fall for his lies. Don't make a decision you'll have to live with forever, because of garbage coming out of his mouth.

Take control of your life.

He's immature, nasty and stupid.
He screams in your face and says he hates a woman who had his child and he hates the child too? I don't know how anyone could love him.
Have your baby and get as far away from him as you can.

There isnt such thing as signing over your parental rights or whatever it was you said.

Just leave him off the BC change your number and move! problem solved. I kept my baby despite ex not wanting her and telling me if I kept her he would have nothing to do with her. Its been 15 months now and he hasnt changed his mind (I wasnt expecting him to) but I think your being naive by thinking your childs father will.