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Original poster

Father of my unborn baby.. Doesn't want it.

170 replies

Annieeeee · 23/08/2018 12:33

Hi everyone.. Sorry if i have posted this in the wrong place.. i am so very new to this and really needing advice and help and i dont have anyone to talk too..

So basically i started dating my partner 10 months ago. I knew when meeting him that he was a father of two at the age of 23 and his two children were to two different ex partners. Basically he got one girlfriend pregnant and left her when he found out, it straight with someone else and 6 months later got her pregnant too.. He then went back to his first ex girlfriend who had just given birth to his daughter at the time. They tried to make it work for a year and a half then he left her and got with me 10 months ago. He still hasnt to this day met his second child with the other ex partner as he says he hates her and the baby because he never wanted it.. I had made it quite clear to him i was on contraception to prevent having a child but that if anything ever happened i could never get rid of it which he agreed with. Well now 10 months later i am 5 weeks pregnant and he is basically forcing me to have an abortion. I should have seen this coming nut i guess i thought it would be different this time.. That surely there comes a time in every ones life where you say the scenario is not ideal but you work it out. Apparently not. I love him. I really do. I have gone through so much for him and done so much for him and i just feel like if he truly cared about me he would love this child and have it with me. I feel like im living in a world of hope.. The way he has been talking about my child.. Saying things like i just want this thing gone. Horrible horrible things. I guess what i am wanting advice on is if you all think i would be best to keep this child and get him to sign over parental rights. Thats the path i have been thinking of taking. I just feel like if me and this baby are not good enough now i dont want him coming back in 6 months when he realises he had it good and that the grass isnt necessarily greener... which he will. Honestly i just think he is so selfish.. he says he doesnt want or need another kid and that i need to have an abortion then we will have kids when he is ready.. So basically kill my child, our child and then go on living life together and stuff. Its so hard. I accepted his near 3 year old and treated her as my own. How could i ever be with somebody who i know has a child in his life to another female but wouldnt have mine.. I dont know im sorry if this makes no sense my head is a mess at the moment. Any advice would be great... Thanks.

OP posts:
formerbabe · 23/08/2018 13:00

Without him being acknowledged as the father, you can't get child maintenance

This is not correct

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 23/08/2018 13:03

No-on can force you to have an abortion against your will.

To be honest, he sounds like a pathetic excuse for a man who just goes around getting girls pregnant.

If you want this baby, have it. But don't rely on him for any maintenance or support. As suggested above, trying some counselling to work out what you want.

Did you actually say I dont doubt he would hurt me if it solved the issue..

WTAF? Are you in danger?

Honestly, ditch him, he's an abusive twat who screams in your face? Who would want that? You are worth more than that.

Don't put him on the birth certificate.

InfiniteVariety · 23/08/2018 13:03

Whether or not you have the baby is entirely your choice.

He cannot make you have an abortion.
But one thing you can be certain of: he is utterly selfish & irresponsible and will never be a decent father to your child.

ISpeakJive · 23/08/2018 13:03

I have had this happen to me before (apparently i have bad luck in terms of contraception

Not that it matters now but what contraception were you on? Surely if it hadn’t worked the last time there was a massive chance that it wouldn’t work again!

Original poster
Annieeeee · 23/08/2018 13:04

Alot of you are asking or saying about how you are unsure how i could love him and you are right. If it was reversed id be saying for whoever was in my position to leave him and have the baby and that he sounds like a waste of space too but its crazy how much a person can get in your head and drag you down till you think you deserve to be treated the way they treat you and that you dont deserve better. Get told something everyday for long enough and you start to belueve it i guess. I dont think i do, but i do think this child does. I just dont know how anyone can see a baby as a bad thing. They are such blessings. I am sure there are many people whp have been in my position and have had a baby and its been the best decision (hard sure but rewarding)

OP posts:
heartsease68 · 23/08/2018 13:05

He sounds really dangerous, OP. Heartbreaking for you.

Time to leave and make a new life Flowers

Don't allow him to get away without facing up to his financial responsibilities. If you give him a free pass, he will be able to keep doing this endlessly.

heartsease68 · 23/08/2018 13:06

Also maybe consider the mirena coil in the future?

sue51 · 23/08/2018 13:07

Are you living with him now? It does sound not safe for you to be around him.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 23/08/2018 13:07

Don't treat as a priority who treat you as an option....

He sound vile. I wouldn't be continuing with this pregnancy ... And to be his 3rd baby mother in less than 4 years.

I would concentrate on finding someone you deserve...

He's in a state purely if flhis own making... Don't rescue him and do t stay with him to try to change him...
He's told you what he is....

Original poster
Annieeeee · 23/08/2018 13:07

I was on the pill the first time, Then the shot the next time!! thats why i didnt expect it not to work as it was two different ones. Also my partner refused to wear condoms as birth control is apparently the girls responsibility..

OP posts:
IamtheDevilsAvocado · 23/08/2018 13:08

Why would you want to lash yourself to someone who is such a waste of space... I wouldn't want any ongoing contact with him...

A 10 month r/s is nada!

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 23/08/2018 13:09

You have a few weeks to decide what you want to do with pregnancy.

formerbabe · 23/08/2018 13:10

You sound very young op...how old are you?

Italiangreyhound · 23/08/2018 13:12

Sorry Annieeeee this is shit.

You've realized by now, I hope, he won't change, he is a selfish bastard.

How can you love him? Maybe your views on love are a bit skewed, maybe you have had bad boyfriends, abusive ones or this is your first love and you want to believe the best.

Maybe the men in your life (family, friends whatever) all acted badly and you expect little else.

I would say you could benefit from counselling to work out why you are willing to accept this kind of shit behavior and call it he is love.

Here is my take...

"basically forcing me to have an abortion." He cannot, it's your body, you choose. Tell him that.

"I should have seen this coming" You should but hindsight is 20/20.

"The way he has been talking about my child.. Saying things like i just want this thing gone. Horrible horrible things. I guess what i am wanting advice on is if you all think i would be best to keep this child and get him to sign over parental rights."

Get counselling, I don't know about signing over parenting rites. Is it legally binding?

" i dont want him coming back in 6 months when he realises he had it good and that the grass isnt necessarily greener" yes, definitely do not take him back.

"...i need to have an abortion then we will have kids when he is ready." If he has managed to impregnate three women in quick succession what would make him feel he is ever ready to take up responsibility?

Get counselling and help, make your choices and do not do so with reference to him. He has chosen to cut himself out of your life. He is not worth it.

Original poster
Annieeeee · 23/08/2018 13:12

It just annoys me so much that he thinks he can live his life running and doing this.. putting girls in these positions and he doesnt have to deal with it. The love i had is boiling over into hate because of the way he is and im mad. Mad that he can be so selfish. Not the childrens fault he is a shitty excuse for a human.

OP posts:
JamPasty · 23/08/2018 13:13

Mate - you do deserve better than this total arse. You sound lovely.

Belindabauer · 23/08/2018 13:13

Get rid of the 23 year old.
Then see your gp and ask for help.
Decide if you can cope with this baby alone.
Next do not rush in to another relatuonship, concentrate on yourself.

TomHardysNextWife · 23/08/2018 13:13

I know you're trying to make the best of this, and I think that's great but also think of the child you're going to be bringing into the world.

It will spend it's entire life knowing their father never wanted them. That's a lot of head fuckery - for life.

Make sure you can see the whole picture before making any choices.

whitershadeofpale · 23/08/2018 13:14

He's never going to be a good dad, he sounds awful and selfish.

You need to grow up a hell of a lot too. You lied to him when you told him you'd have an abortion knowing that you never would after having already had one, and have made a terrible decision when choosing the father of your child. Have the child, take the maintenance that your child deserves (it's not a moral standpoint to short change your child) and cut this loser out of your life. He won't change.

Creeper8 · 23/08/2018 13:14

He can only run around doing it if girls let him!! take some responsibility!

HoppingPavlova · 23/08/2018 13:14

He still hasnt to this day met his second child with the other ex partner as he says he hates her and the baby because he never wanted it.

And you thought he was a good catch?

A leopard never changes its spots.

Original poster
Annieeeee · 23/08/2018 13:14

Sorry im not sure how to reply to each person. Im 22

OP posts:
Hogtini · 23/08/2018 13:15

I wouldn't want any further association with this 'man' and unfortunately that would mean that I wouldn't want to continue with the pregnancy. Please consider your options, you have your whole life ahead of you.

zen1 · 23/08/2018 13:16

Regardless of what you decide to do about the pregnancy, you need to get rid of this arsehole ASAP. The more you say about him, the worse he sounds. Having him around will be no good for you or a potential child.

Italiangreyhound · 23/08/2018 13:18

"Also my partner refused to wear condoms as birth control is apparently the girls responsibility."

He really is the gift that keeps on giving.

Sad
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