Father of my unborn baby.. Doesn't want it.

[Annieeeee]

Hi everyone.. Sorry if i have posted this in the wrong place.. i am so very new to this and really needing advice and help and i dont have anyone to talk too..

So basically i started dating my partner 10 months ago. I knew when meeting him that he was a father of two at the age of 23 and his two children were to two different ex partners. Basically he got one girlfriend pregnant and left her when he found out, it straight with someone else and 6 months later got her pregnant too.. He then went back to his first ex girlfriend who had just given birth to his daughter at the time. They tried to make it work for a year and a half then he left her and got with me 10 months ago. He still hasnt to this day met his second child with the other ex partner as he says he hates her and the baby because he never wanted it.. I had made it quite clear to him i was on contraception to prevent having a child but that if anything ever happened i could never get rid of it which he agreed with. Well now 10 months later i am 5 weeks pregnant and he is basically forcing me to have an abortion. I should have seen this coming nut i guess i thought it would be different this time.. That surely there comes a time in every ones life where you say the scenario is not ideal but you work it out. Apparently not. I love him. I really do. I have gone through so much for him and done so much for him and i just feel like if he truly cared about me he would love this child and have it with me. I feel like im living in a world of hope.. The way he has been talking about my child.. Saying things like i just want this thing gone. Horrible horrible things. I guess what i am wanting advice on is if you all think i would be best to keep this child and get him to sign over parental rights. Thats the path i have been thinking of taking. I just feel like if me and this baby are not good enough now i dont want him coming back in 6 months when he realises he had it good and that the grass isnt necessarily greener... which he will. Honestly i just think he is so selfish.. he says he doesnt want or need another kid and that i need to have an abortion then we will have kids when he is ready.. So basically kill my child, our child and then go on living life together and stuff. Its so hard. I accepted his near 3 year old and treated her as my own. How could i ever be with somebody who i know has a child in his life to another female but wouldnt have mine.. I dont know im sorry if this makes no sense my head is a mess at the moment. Any advice would be great... Thanks.

Just want to say I agree with everyone. Run as far as you can, get counselling (you don't want to be late 40s like me and still making shit choices in men), get checked for STIs, get maintenance from him, and most of all, enjoy your little bundle of joy when he/she arrives . I'm a single mother to twins and it's hard, but rewarding.

Neshoma
Are you actually going to try to make the OP justify keeping her own baby?

That is beyond sick.

I bet you'd be disgusted if anyone tried to question her abortion.

You absolutely cannot sign away your parental rights. Anything he does sign won't be binding. He can change his mind.
Depending on the time that passes before he wants to be involved, and if he did purport to sign rights away, this will be a hoop for him to jump through but it won't stop him forever.

You don’t have to legally add him to the birth certificate but that doesn’t mean he can’t go to court to have himself added on. Chances of him doing that are slim I would imagine judging by how he has treat his second child but you never know. If he gets PR, you are stuck with him for 18 years. Even if he doesn’t, you will have a child that is half his. You will love that child, no doubt but it may resemble him and I’m sure that’s not something all too pleasant given how much of a dick he is.

You are so young and have a chance to start a fresh. I really would be putting serious thought into it.

Just want to say I agree with everyone. Run as far as you can, get counselling (you don't want to be late 40s like me and still making shit choices in men), get checked for STIs, get maintenance from him, and most of all, enjoy your little bundle of joy when he/she arrives smile. I'm a single mother to twins and it's hard, but rewarding.

I doubt there will be much joy on the maintenance front, it's rather unlikely that this man has a (legitimate) job.

@choli - I meant to say "if you can"

He sounds awful, you obviously need to leave him and never look back. If you want the baby and honestly feel you can support the pair of you then go for it alone. If you think this would be too difficult then you may be able to terminate but NOT keep him happy - still leave him!

Also contraception is his responsibility and he's a shit dad. If you have the baby, chase him for maintenance. He isn't prepared to use contraception - that's his responsibility.

What a mess OP.

If you were my daughter I would be urging you to think long and hard about continuing with the pregnancy.

You will be tied to this utter waste of space all your life with him bringing untold shit and misery along the way if you decide to keep the baby. Heavy stuff but it's something you need to consider.

Thanks all. You are all very right in your opinions. I do want to keep the baby but i will be thinking long and hard for a few weeks. One thing s certain, i am walking away single, no matter what choice i make in regards to the child. I suppose a lot of what i feel comes from the regret of my previous abortion. Its odd, i know i made the right decision for me at the time. The father was also no surprise there a dick. My family wasnt going to support me and advised i get rid of the child. I suppose i just feel like a shitty person for doing it. I suppose i envisioned life going differently yet here we are. If i can be honest with you all i wanted to be set up before i had a child.. And i wanted the person i was with to love me and intend to be with me for the long haul. I did not plan to fall pregnant and i didnt want a child. But now that i am in the position i am having a very hard time deciding, Its not just as simple as saying yeah i dont want a kid anymore because virtually it has happened.

NoLightInTheTunnel Twins?!! Wow!! I respect you so much for the path you have chosen it is nice to hear from somebody who has successfully done it, not that you have to answer please excuse me for asking as im not trying to be rude but i am genuinely curious as to if you had people try to convince you to go down a different path, and if you ever wish you had. I think some people are assuming that i think it will be a walk in the park but i don't, trust me i don't. It will be the hardest thing i will ever have to do, i fully comprehend this but i do think it is doable. Will my life change forever? Yes. Will my life no longer really be my life, yes. That child will come before anything else for the rest of my life. I do know this.

Ainnieeeee
Dont beat yourself up over the past abortion. It was something you felt was right at the time for you and thats ok.

Whatever you do this time is ok too. Only you can decide and its nobody else's business.

I think you will do fine whatever you choose to do. Just remember you deserve more and dont ever settle for someone that doesnt have your best interests at heart.

Whenever you need a hand hold and a bit of support there will be someone here for you. This 'nest of vipers' is also an amazing place for support when it really matters.😀

I agree with Willow - please be kind to yourself over the previous abortion, it was the right decision for you at the time. There's no point wondering "what if" because you can't change things.

And if you do change your mind and decide to end this pg as well, then that will be the right decision for you at this time. If you decide to keep it, then it will ALSO be the right decision for you at this time - because you are considering all angles and understanding what you are about to embark upon.

Glad you've decided to ditch the dunce you were with though - he's no use to you.

Nobody but you can decide what is right. Both possible choices have their good/bad consequences.
Have an abortion - it might be the start of a new life for you; or it might lead to even harsher regrets than the earlier one did.
Have the baby - he/she might be a problem & an expense; or he/she might be the joy of your life (mine was!).

I wish the very best outcome for you, and a good life in the future.

Oh you poor thing OP. Good luck whatever you decide to do. I'd just advise to keep well away from that nasty man!!

Hi can I post here just need some advice
I'm nearly 14 weeks pregnant
So I found out I was pregnant a far bit ago I told my ex the next day after I did more tests just to make sure .
He seemed ok with it and sed what ever I pick he will be there I sed I wanted it more then I didn't witch to me iknow abortion was not for me I've been down that road befor and it's not nice but I had my reason..
He was a bit of with me for a few days hes 33 by the way his first child.. this will be my third child I've got two from my last relationship..
He was fine with going on with the pregnancy with me then a few days later the hate come I dont like you I've never liked you dont love you never have I dont want to be a dad so he hates me coz I'm makeing him become a dad .. so I just left it thought not bitting back .. so I text back a few days later telling him I'm keep the baby and not changing my mind he rang me saying shall we go away this weekend ect sed I'll pick you up later that day so I waiting for him to finish work he never showed up thought this is very odd never done this befor so I rang and text no answer from him no call back nothing.. so I left it thought I'm not running about after him week after he texts me saying I'm trapping him in what way I'm I? Coz I'm makeing him become a dad tell me he did not want this baby it's for best not to keep it ect .. the reason was he did not want this baby was because he wanted a new car ? All so was doing a course at work? All so he still lives with his mum ? Thay a not a reason to not want a baby that's selfishness big time .. was on my case to have a abortion so I booked in for one thought I cant be doing with all the hate every week .. so I booked in for one on the 10.07.19 the same date as what my scan was ovs I went to my scan alone witch did not bother me I sent him a photo of the scan the next day no reply from that .. this is his first child why wouldn't want your own first born I've got two kids from my other relationship got a boy who is 7 and a girl she is 3 ... I've just no idea what to do with the so called of a man he is 33 by the way I'm 27 .. all so he thought he couldn't have kids because he as never got eny one pregnant befor . .that's just say I was not on no birth control and he know full well I was not but sometime you just dont think it's going to happen I've been with him on and of for 2 and half years .. will he still have to pay CM if he does not want anything to do with the baby hopefully he will come around from it just for the baby sake so she/he will have a dad ... I mean I couldn't be with this man sorry I mean boy haha ... anyway not now after all the shit he gave me ... just a bit of advice or just something

My advice would be to get an abortion and dump your boyfriend. Urgh. He sounds like a prize twat and you are too stupid to raise a child. Good grief you didn't need a crystal ball to see this coming.

Zombie thread

Being a single parent - even with support - will be ten times more isolating and hard than you can imagine. I had a termination when I was 24 and I don’t regret it one bit.

If there are other things you want or need to achieve to create a better environment for you/better support a baby then there is no need to feel guilt about termination. Your time will come.

Whatever you decide it does need to come from you - good luck.

That's a mind boggling rate of contraception fail - 3 out of 3? Isn't he unlucky seeing as most has a 99% plus success rate.

He can't make you have an abortion.

Yes babies are a blessing and good luck to you if you keep it - but don't be naive - they are massively expensive too and he's not going to pay you a penny.

@blakekemp5 you need to start your own thread. This poor OP started this thread nearly a year ago. Poor woman has either just had a child or would have just had a child that she chose to abort. She doesnt need the notification reminder of this thread. Youalso wont know if people are replying to you or her because most people wont read the whole thread so will still be replying to her. Please repost on your own thread and you will get answers specific to your situation

ZOMBIE THREAD

@Blakekemp5; start your own thread for some advice :)

Fucking, hes just a delight isnt he

I know you don't want to terminate, but theres no way in hell I would continue. The idea this waste of space could come back and try and make contact with MY child, just no.

You don’t realise the importance of giving a child a good Father until you haven’t done that.

I didn’t make sure my sons Father was a good person. I divorced him which meant that I got to leave him but my son can’t make that choice. Luckily, he’s able to financially provide for him but it’s was the worst thing in the world handing him over for weekends/holidays etc knowing I couldn’t protect him.

I’ve had to walk away down a crowded London street with my son wailing for me, and trying to escape his Father, knowing that if I didn’t I risked going to jail (court contact order).

Currently your sons father doesn’t want to be involved. If your lucky, then he will stay away. But there’s no guarantee. He will be able to turn up at any point, and short of being a serial killer, will be allowed by a family court to establish a relationship with your child. Read through the lone parents boards and step parents boards to see what these children have to go through with useless fathers.

I love my son but I will always regret my choice of parent for him and if I had the choice again would not give him this life.

Ah sorry. Just seen this is a zombie thread!

If you want this child then you keep it. Don’t do it for his benefit because he’s not going to appreciate it or treat you any better. Disgusting to say horrible things like that about your unborn child. I had a termination to a partner once that I didn’t really want to do but did it because he said it was the best thing as we hadn’t been together that long and it was a mistake and it caused a massive rift between us. Don’t get rid of it if you don’t want to and think about it before you do it because once you take the tablets then there’s no going back and it’s a heartbreaking realisation to think you’ve made the wrong choice. Don’t put him above your child. He sounds like a cock anyway and you will be fine as a single mum if you decide to keep it honestly. I am pregnant myself and things have been rocky for me with my baby’s dad but I have managed to buy everything I need on my own second hand so don’t think for a second you can’t do it because you can. If you need to talk please feel free to message me xxx