To ask how you would react if your 15 year old was pregnant

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And was unable to terminate. I am interested in how you would react to this.

My mother phoned the police when I was pregnant. I was 15 he was 16. She actually tried to get him charged and they told her they wasn’t bothered.

If the baby is coming it’s coming so all you can do is offer a very good support system and try and find ways she can stay in education

But we have no information other than the op. I would never coerce my dd into an unwanted termination. But as her mother I would be entirely open to her about my own perspective and would provide advice about what I think would be best, in the same way as we discussed her GCSE options and whether to have a permanent retainer on her teeth after her braces were removed. Not giving her my advice and constructive guidance would be awful and unfair to her - she is still a child and would need to make an informed decision rather than pure hugs and “it’ll be fine” When it might not. So she would have hugs and parental concern along with discussion.

It’s fine to make sure she’s aware of the options (although abortions aren’t exactly an unknown procedure so I’m sure she knows that they exist), but I think something life changing like this has to be the decision of the woman affected, even if the woman is very very young, as it’s her who has to go through either option. We all have opinions on what would be best, but the idea of trying to persuade someone, of any age, about this just doesn’t sit well.

Where on this thread has anyone said they would "coerce" their child into a termination? I've seen posters saying they would discuss it with their DD or that they would suggest it as an option which it is, a perfectly legal option in this country whether you like it or not.

I would be disappointed, I can’t lie but I would ultimately give her a great big hug and reassure her. I would then help her look into the practicalities.

Plenty have said they would recommend it, which hardly sounds like just making sure she’s aware of it.

Which is more life changing Blair, having an abortion or having a baby at 15?

I hope I'd be supportive and help her find out about all the options available for keeping the baby, having it adopted or having an abortion. She'd have a home with me while she needed it and we'd help her financially but if she chose to keep the baby, she would be responsible for it. I would babysit occasionally but not get up in the night and wouldn't provide childcare.

Privately, I'd howl and wail and be utterly devastated that I didn't teach her about contraception properly and that she'd left it so late to come to me.

On the surface, having a baby.

But if having an abortion you didn’t want causes ongoing mental health issues and ruins your self esteem then that.

It’s dofferent for each person which is why the only person who should make that decision is the woman, whether she’s 15 or 45z

Sorry for the typos, my screen is cracked and typing on it is a pain.

I suppose I see equally the idea of leaving dd at sea with no constructive advice and without having help in working out how things will work realistically in terms of education/money/childcare as letting her down just as forcing her to leave the home and go it alone with no love and kindness would be.

So yes, I would be saying that having a baby at 15 is likely to make her life much more difficult than it need be, and that a termination may be a good idea.

But this is irrelevant to the op who menti9ns that termination is not possible (rather than not being an option if you see what I mean) by which I read that the pregnancy is well advanced.

I don't understand why a baby is looked upon as something so challenging and difficult

Really? You really can’t see why? Especially for a 15 year old who has no way of supporting a baby financially and potentially emotionally without relying on her parents.

Ah, one of those authoritarian types. It’s fine to make sure she’s aware of the options, it’s not fine to coerce her into one
TBH, I think she'd have been smart enough to choose the best option all by herself.

I’m surprised that having experienced that, you’d suggest it to a teenager. I found it awful
Physically, it was no big deal. Emotionally, not so much.
As the situations are worlds apart, my experiences with m/c would have no bearing.

I’m not saying you cant give practical advice, but people can and do have children young. Perhaps working out a plan if she’s said she wants to keep it rather than trying to persuade (not that you would, but other posters) would be a good option? People get through it,

I think it also depends on how the DD is in general.

Does it seem like she understands (at least a little) that this will have a drastic impact on her life?

If not... Idk, but there may cases where finding her an assisted living facility (not something religious but there are some with social workers etc where we live) might be a better idea.

Or talk about adoption.

I'm not saying that teen mothers can't be good mothers. I'm just saying that parenting is hard and being young, having very few resources, probably a father that isn't involved certainly doesn't make it easier.

OP seems to have gone, hope it is not DM journalist.

The best option for you. Not necessarily for her.

Physically mine was horrific, ill spare the details but it makes Saw look like a kids film. I cut myself shaving my legs about a week later and started screaming when I saw the blood and saw it all again, in flashbacks. Would not want my teenager to experience that.

Like Kokeshi, I would support my daughter to the best of my ability, financially and practically, and I would hope to enable her to continue her education for as long as possible. However, I would be furious that she had been daft enough to get herself into that situation.

I got pregnant accidentally at 18. I was far too scared to tell my parents. I arranged the termination myself, and finally broke down and told my mum a few days before (she had an inkling). She was not happy, and told me then and there that we'd never ever talk about it ever again and that she couldn't take me to the hospital because she had to work that day. She was more worried about appearances, and what my dad would think, than my wellbeing. Ironically, with hindsight, I think he would have been fine once he got over the shock. He still doesn't know.

I was offered no counselling before or after my abortion and it affected my mental health and subsequent relationships for years. I finally became a mother at 40 and now have a dd of my own. I cannot imagine behaving like my mother did, and hope to have a far more honest relationship with my dd.

I don’t think it is terribly supportive not to give an opinion on it (to withhold my opinion). I give opinions on lots of things which my dcs variously agree with or disagree with. Whether to have a baby at 15 or not is up there in the list of life changing decisions and I think it would be seriously weird of me to choose that as the time to be silent while still being perfectly happy to discuss politics, education, friendship issues and employment aspirations.

Pretty appalled at the people who seem to think getting an abortion is like deciding what film to watch that night.

No-one said or remotely implied that it wasn't a serious matter. Stop shit-stirring.

I’d discuss it neutrally, ask her what SHE wanted to do, and take it from there. If she had no strong opinions and wanted to hear mine, fine. Otherwise, if she said “I really don’t want an abortion” or vice versa I would support her with that. I would never try to change her mind once she had expressed her view.

Maybe a termination is illegal where the poster lives?

Anyway, I had a termination at 21 and it wasn't remotely traumatic.

I was that 15 year old. My mum gave me a hug and said she had already suspected.
We went to the doctors a few days later to talk through the options and then said she would do whatever I wanted to help. And she has done, every day for the 30 years since.
It's very important to get her ongoing education sorted though. As I was a few months off my 16th birthday the school didn't really help and there wasn't the support in those days for that kind of thing.
That doesn't mean though that it wasn't an earth-shattering moment for my mother who was very upset in the first few weeks and I think it's okay for you to acknowledge that.

Would not want my teenager to experience that
And, odds are, she wouldn't.

I can see that your own experience is heavily influencing your stance on this matter. And not in a good way. We won't agree so I'll leave it at that

I was 16 when i got pregnant with my oldest. My mum was amazing. She supported me endlessly and told me she would support me no matter what (and she did!).

My dad took it really badly. Pretty much didn't speak to me for 6 months (and we lived in the same house!). He did come round in the end though and the day my DS was born he was absolutely besotted, head over heels in love with him. His reaction although understandable broke my heart because he was my best friend. We were on in the end thought. That was over 11 years ago.