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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how you would react if your 15 year old was pregnant

471 replies

IhaveNCdforthispost · 23/08/2018 11:38

And was unable to terminate. I am interested in how you would react to this.

OP posts:
meadowmeow · 23/08/2018 17:20

A pregnancy at 15 is going to impact hugely on so many people. Unless she can't have an abortion for medical reasons then I think she's being selfish.

What an appalling attitude.

I have DD's and have thought this through many times, mainly because it's something I wanted to be totally prepared for. The reaction you give at this point is vital.

I would hug her. Tell her not to worry. Talk of she wanted, if not I would just wait until she was ready. I would reassure her that actually it's not the worst thing in the world, people can have babies and succeed in education and work. And I would pay for a scan ASAP!

BlairWaldorfsHeadband · 23/08/2018 17:21

It does say it can prevent implantation but it’s not really the main method, and it won’t disrupt a pregnancy that has implanted.

DelBoysCrombieCoat · 23/08/2018 17:22

My DSD fell pregnant at 15, she successfully hid it until 22 weeks and no we are not one of ‘those’ families, DSD was quiet and bookish, we knew she had a BF who we had met many times, he was quiet and nerdy. I won’t go into the gritty details as they are quite outing (suspect DSD DM is a mumsnetter) she obviously kept the baby, she had a horrendous labour which ended up in an emergency caesarean.

After the shock wore off she had the full support of both families. She was an excellent mother from day 1, she had some very nasty comments from outsiders which she rose above in public but cried in private.

Her child is now 7, she lives with her BF (not child’s father, the novelty wore off not long after baby was born, not been seen since) DSD works full time, has a social life and parents her child very well, he’s a delight.

Everything worked out well although I realise that sometimes it doesn’t for very young mothers.

Im very proud of my lovely DSD.
My advice would be to give full support and never show anger or disappointment, the girl will probably be feeling ashamed enough as it is.

Never push the issue of abortion or adoption, explain clearly how much a baby will impact her life and let her decide.

ParkheadParadise · 23/08/2018 17:26

she had some very nasty comments from outsiders which she rose above in public but cried in private

I can remember that happening to me.

MeyMary · 23/08/2018 17:27

Preventing an egg from implanting isn’t the main method, nor is it the same as removing an implanted embryo.

curtesy of the NHS:

The patch:
It also thickens cervical mucus, which makes it more difficult for sperm to move through the cervix, and thins the womb lining so a fertilised egg is less likely to be able to implant itself.^

Combined pill:
thickens the mucus in the neck of the womb, so it is harder for sperm to penetrate the womb and reach an egg thins the lining of the womb, so there is less chance of a fertilised egg implanting into the womb and being able to grow

IUD:
It thickens the cervical mucus, which makes it more difficult for sperm to move through the cervix, and thins the lining of the womb so an egg is less likely to be able to implant itself

Contraceptives usually tend to have a multipronged approach...

Anyhow, why is it not the same as removing an implanted egg.(from an ethical point of view)? If a fertilised egg is alive, wouldn't that make the process of preventing implantation like ending said life?

That's actually why IUDs may be used as emergency contraceptives.... Like the morning after pill. Or in some instances an abortion.

sulflower · 23/08/2018 17:28

Never push the issue of abortion or adoption, explain clearly how much a baby will impact her life and let her decide.

I totally agree with this.

Inside I would be devastated but I would fully support my daughter if it was her.

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 23/08/2018 17:34

And I would pay for a scan ASAP!

I find this appalling. Paying for a scan ASAP so presumably your DD can see the pictures shows that you want her to keep the pregnancy and doesn't give her the opportunity to take a decision herself.

meadowmeow · 23/08/2018 17:41

I find this appalling. Paying for a scan ASAP so presumably your DD can see the pictures shows that you want her to keep the pregnancy and doesn't give her the opportunity to take a decision herself.

Oh fucking hell there is always one.

I thought it went without saying that the hug, the talk and the reassurance it would include the choices and decisions.

There is absolutely no way I would pay for a scan just so my DD could see pictures. It would be to find out how pregnant she was.

But Jesus Christ you would have to be quite low on the intelligence scale to get a scan done to show a 15yo pictures so you could make her continue with a pregnancy.

Please do feel free to credit me with more than that!

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 23/08/2018 17:47

`There is absolutely no way I would pay for a scan just so my DD could see pictures. It would be to find out how pregnant she was.

Same thing.

Marie Stopes never show the scan and the scan pictures to avoid influencing the decision.

Are you the same poster, BTW?

Hedgehog80 · 23/08/2018 17:56

I was a little older at 18 when I got pregnant
Kept a prisoner had my phone taken and forced by dm to have a second trimester abortion. I was going to kill myself after it was the worst thing I’ve ever gone through
This thread made me sad but also very pleased to see how many lovely parents there are out there who would support their daughter’s decision

PoshPenny · 23/08/2018 18:02

OP I would be horrified. Why no termination? Does she have any idea what she's got ahead of her? I'd be making it very clear that it will be her baby, and her responsibility. No palming baby off on anyone else to look after it for her. How is she expecting all this to pan out after the baby's born? Does she think it's all going to go back to normal once the baby's here? Honestly I'd be so upset. I can't think of anything worse, and I would let them know that. They need to be under no illusions about what hard work lies ahead of them as well as the loss of their freedom and carefree years. Then and only then I would consider what support I could give my child. (Thanks my lucky stars that mine are now in their 20's and there's been no repeat since the late termination one of them chose to have)

meadowmeow · 23/08/2018 18:02

Same thing.

No it fucking isn't.

Marie Stopes never show the scan and the scan pictures to avoid influencing the decision.

I'm not Marie Stopes though. I'm her mother. And I already pointed out that when I said scan ASAP it was AFTER the decision and talks etc had taken place. Not before.

Why the fuck would I want to influence her decision. Especially to KEEP a baby at 15. That's nuts. And it's not anything remotely like what I said I would actually do.

BlairWaldorfsHeadband · 23/08/2018 18:09

I can't think of anything worse, and I would let them know that.

Getting deployed to Afghanistan? Losing a leg to sepsis? Getting paralysed in a hit and run? Wing made homeless?

What a stupid comment.

When I was 16, my mums sister was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I’m sure they’d have preferred a pregnancy in me to a dying relative.

The hyperbole is pathetic.

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 23/08/2018 18:10

So you are the same poster as meadowmeow and NC'd?

BlairWaldorfsHeadband · 23/08/2018 18:13

Who? Me?

borgazthemighty · 23/08/2018 18:15

Put the child up for adoption?

LeftRightCentre · 23/08/2018 18:17

I'd be very worried because I wouldn't be able to stop work to provide childcare.

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 23/08/2018 18:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

N0bodysM0t · 23/08/2018 18:20

I would hug her and tell her that I would arrange an abortion.

I'm a single parent to two DC and have had too much responsibility already. I cannot take on more and I would have to make that plain to my my DD if she got pregnant. I couldn't support her practically if she had a baby at 15. I need to concentrate on my job now having been cornered out of the work place due to motherhood. So it would be unfair to her to give her the impression I could be on hand to help. I must concentrate on my 'career' now.

meadowmeow · 23/08/2018 18:20

Yes of course. I replied to you directly.

Didn't realise the namechange error until afterwards and I messaged MNHQ straight away.

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 23/08/2018 18:22

Ok.

funinthesun18 · 23/08/2018 18:22

A pregnancy at 15 is going to impact hugely on so many people. Unless she can't have an abortion for medical reasons then I think she's being selfish.

Shock What if she actually wants the baby?? It’s her pregnancy, her choice. Might not be ideal timing but she’s not selfish for deciding an abortion is not what she wants. No girl or woman should ever have an abortion to suit other people!

user838383 · 23/08/2018 18:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DwangelaForever · 23/08/2018 18:25

Just a reminder that abortion isn't available in Northern Ireland so there's also that to consider as a possible reason for "unable to terminate" but I know there's planes and boats but not always a reasonable thing to arrange.

I would be secretly devastated but obviously be as supportive as possible. I think I would offer to help out as much as possible - ie try and keep her in the house rather than having to rush her into her own place etc

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 23/08/2018 18:29

My Sister was pregnant at 15. She kept the baby and had another at 17. I can't imagine how hard it was for her (and for the babies) but she has never been anything but a spectacular Mother to them, every day of their lives.

I have sons, but if they came to me at 15 with a pregnant GF I'd hope to God I could be as unjudgemental and as supportive of their decisions as the posters on here have been. Going bezerk and telling them what a shitty choice they've made changes nothing, and makes them far less likely to be let you support them. From watching my Sister raise her babies solo I know how vital that support network around her was.