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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To really fucking hate our dog

207 replies

fuckingdog18 · 23/08/2018 07:30

Jesus.

Both dh and I are on the verge of killing him. He barks at fuck all at any hour of the night.

He wakes our own children up and also next doors as he sets their dog off.

The dog is ruining our relationship, our children’s sleep and our relationship with the neighbours

We are in despair.

OP posts:
The80sweregreat · 23/08/2018 09:08

I do not know anything about animals or keeping pets but maybe its better if you were to re-home this pet? you sound so angry and having any pet is hard work and dedication which you seem to be lacking just now and ending up in a vicious circle with the dog.
Might be a bit of controversial thing to suggest though and maybe other advice might be better first, but the animals welfare also needs to be addressed here too.

ShirleyPhallus · 23/08/2018 09:10

Bit harsh on Annie there OP

LotsToThinkOf · 23/08/2018 09:12

Ok, clearly this can't go on OP. I haven't read the whole thread as I'm late but I didn't want to read and run. Firstly, this isn't entirely your fault as some posters are suggesting, the dog has developed behaviour in response to something of course but that could be anything. I definitely think you're doing the right thing putting some space between your family and the dog until emotions run smoother and you've all had some sleep then you'll be better equipped to deal with the behaviour.

You need to go back to puppy training - strict and firm routine, no attention at all for undesirable behaviour, loads of praise and treats for good behaviour, clear exercise schedule. This means the dog will always know what will happen next so will have no need to become distressed. Easier said than done yes, but it pays off.

Not all dogs are happy with a crate but you could try it, you put him in a couple of times a day for 'quiet time' and always give him a treat so that he starts to enjoy being in there. Build it up to night times, as using it straight away will only make him distressed at being locked away. He needs to see it as a haven, maybe out some of you ur familiy's old clothing in there so he has the comfort of you all.

The exercise is key here, he needs a walk on a morning, something more energetic after lunch time and then a walk on an evening to prepare him for bed. He would also benefit from an adaptil adaptor which emits the calming hormone - it takes a few weeks to have an effect but it certainly works. I'd also go back to the vet, if the barking at night is because of distress there may be something you can give him to calm him down and from that the night barking habit (which it sounds like it is now) can break.

It's not easy OP, and it's horrible for you to feel so frustrated at something you love. It isn't an easy fix but you can fix it. I second getting advice from a behaviourist too, they're expensive but they'll be able to help if you feel that you're stuck.

Good luck OP! Get some sleep x

mynamesjohnnyutah · 23/08/2018 09:14

Please rehome your dog with a family that can give him the time, exercise, training and attention he deserves. Do dogs everywhere a favour and don't get another.

nachonachowoman · 23/08/2018 09:15

^ Hmm read the thread. What a ridiculous response. OP's already said he does.

SnowyAlps · 23/08/2018 09:15

OP what type of breed is he? You say you don’t know, but you’ll have some idea whether he has a bit of terrier, Great Dane, ridgeback, etc in him. You’ll see something in him.

Bananarama12 · 23/08/2018 09:16

I haven't read the thread but is he getting enough exercise? There may be noises at night you can't hear, leave a radio on for him.

Costacoffeeplease · 23/08/2018 09:17

You’ve answered short snippy replies, not engaged with anyone who has suggested a behaviourist - you know why you feel like a teenager being told off - it’s because you’re acting like a teenager. Grow up

Bananarama12 · 23/08/2018 09:18

Bark collars are cruel and absolutely nobody should recommend them!!!!! Angry put one on yourself so you don't talk anymore

SuburbanRhonda · 23/08/2018 09:21

Maybe posting on Mumsnet when you’re sleep deprived and in a foul mood wasn’t the best course of action.

anon138 · 23/08/2018 09:21

I think you should look at putting him in a crate overnight. It may be a bit difficult to start with as he won't be used to it but over time he may well accept it. Give him lots of love and treats as you start to use it. I have a golden retriever that asks to be put in his crate overnight (we also cover it over with a sheet so he can't see out of it). He sleeps best in it as he knows it's his 'safe place'. Otherwise he feels like he always has to be on guard defending the house (i.e. barking at anyone that comes near the house). I wouldn't recommend bark collars, that's a fairly cruel way of controlling the situation and won't help his anxiety.

ashdeeashdee · 23/08/2018 09:22

dogs arent 'twats' - if he misbehaves you havent trained him properly, simple, so blame yourselves for your sleepless nights and rehome the dog to a non-twat owner... for his sake as opposed to yours

fuckingdog18 · 23/08/2018 09:29

If I was yelling at 4 in the morning, I’d deserve it!

OP posts:
ilovegin112 · 23/08/2018 09:31

Not being funny but are you absolutely sure the dog walker is taking him out? A friend was having real trouble with her dog turns out dog walker was coming taking money but didn’t bother with the dog at all

OctaviaOctober · 23/08/2018 09:32

Behaviourist? Training? Behaviourist? Training? Behaviourist? Training? Behaviourist? Training? Behaviourist? Training? Behaviourist? Training? Behaviourist? Training?

Just repeating that a few times to see if it will catch your attention. Vets deal with physical problems, not behavioural ones.

fuckingdog18 · 23/08/2018 09:33

We don’t have a dog walker

OP posts:
QueenOfMyWorld · 23/08/2018 09:33

Dogs bark for a valid reason so scared,bored,anxious it could be a variety of things. Poor thing he won't be doing it for attention that's for sure

TomHardysNextWife · 23/08/2018 09:35

Sounds like separation anxiety. Have you tried the plug in things from the vet? Adaptil or something like that? Leaving a t shirt or something that smells of his master in his bed? Leaving a radio on for background noise?

I completely sympathise OP. We have an elderly cat with dementia who howls at us morning noon and night. You feed him, 3 minutes later he's forgotten he's eaten and starts howling again. I smashed a glass on my foot the other day as his howling was really agitating me. I'm starting to not love him, and that's deeply upsetting.

Butterymuffin · 23/08/2018 09:37

Maybe get a dog walker then?

fuckingdog18 · 23/08/2018 09:37

He wouldn’t go with one buttery

OP posts:
fuckingdog18 · 23/08/2018 09:38

I feel for you tom Flowers

OP posts:
MuttsNutts · 23/08/2018 09:38

I sympathise but you have selected the worst advice of all that has been given - a bark collar is not the answer and would be plain cruel.

As would sticking a seven year old dog in a crate if he has no experience of using one.

There has been lots of good advice given - you need to find out why he is barking and a kind way to deal with it.

You’re obviously busy now but please make time to sit down and read the more complex advice properly before deciding on a proper plan of action.

He deserves it 🐶 and Gin for you.

anon138 · 23/08/2018 09:41

If I was yelling at 4 in the morning, I’d deserve it!

He is a dog, he will only behave in the way you'd like if you teach him to behave. Dogs need continuous training throughout life. Mine would go back to bad habits if i slacked and allowed that to happen. You need to just take control of the situation and not blame the dog for acting like.....well a dog!

MuttsNutts · 23/08/2018 09:45

Just to be clear, the answer will not be a quick fix - it will involve training which will take time and consistency, probably with the help of a behaviourist to get you on the right track.

tealady · 23/08/2018 09:49

We have two dogs and one of them barks for fun at anything and everything. He is small and usually this is fine during the day as he will listen if we tell him off. But he did go through a very annoying phase of barking in the middle of the night one summer and this would also set off our other dog and wake up the whole house.
Eventually we realised he was seeing something in the garden though the patio doors, maybe a fox or bird or something.

We worked out a way to relocate the dogs beds at night into a quiet spot with no garden view by using a stairgate. Peaceful nights were restored. Phew.
Just mentioning this in case its a possible cause in your case. ie. could he sleep anywhere where there is less chance of him seeing/hearing things outside?

You have my sympathy - its horrible to be needlessly woken night after night.